Time flies

I can't believe the last time I posted was on the 7th. Someone alerted me to this...he said he was sorry I didn't continue with blogging each day. I was surprised to see it has been a while. My excuse is that I started a new blog for my dog, Becca. I've been, okay, Becca's been posting to it quite a bit. Check it out.

My shopping is done and I'm happy about that. I got a BIG bonus from work which really surprised me since I've only been there for 6 months. I spent some of the bonus already. I have abou $250 left. It does seem to burn a hole in my pocketbook. I need to wait until after Christmas.

Not too much to report. Merry Christmas!

Why do I Cry?

I have been plagued with this unexplained condition all my life. I cry. I mean it, like a baby. It's so embarrassing because I do it at work and then I get mad at myself for doing it which makes me cry even more.

It doesn't happen all the time...just every 6 weeks or so, I have a meltdown. Mostly it's because I perceive that someone is disappointed in me. It could be a casual comment or the rehashing of a mistake I did weeks ago that can set me off. But I can't stop it.

Technically I believe it's a medical condition. I worked somewhere where a man there had a problem with snorting. It was a constant distraction for me and when I complained about it, I was told it was a medical condition and he couldn't help it so there was nothing management could do. I've been told that I need to work on this problem of being so sensitive that it leaves me in tears; that it is distracting to my co-workers and unprofessional. Well, it's a medical condition just like the snorter. If someone has chronic hiccups, could management hold it against him during the review process? Fortunately, my melt downs don't happen all the time but they happen. I can try to control it but there is no way I can guarentee an end to it.

I wish there were a way I could be hypnotized so that when I feel threatened to the point of tears, I will smile and just sigh and move on. Today I was praying to God that I could have a split personality and that my alter would kick in and she'd be tough....she wouldn't care if someone was disappointed in me...she would just shrug it off until the urge to cry subsided and then I - me - would come back. I know, I watch to many soap operas.

First pix

This was on the way home. We got Becca from a rescue home. It was in the middle of no where. I'm proud we found it. Here Becca in the side mirror.

Our new dog

We got a new dog. She's 1 year old and quite the hoot. Here's a video of her exchange with the vacuum cleaner. Such a silly girl.

The Last Day

Well, I did it. I wrote everyday this month. It wasn't always easy. But it's done. I guess there is over 6000 participates in this "blog-every-day-of-November-Contest" Wish me luck on a prize...but you never know.

Charity

Part of the company I work for, including myself, have adopted a family to get for them Christmas presents. It's a nice charity and I will give but I have some concerns. This particular family is a mother with 8 kids. I guess one of them is a neice but still she has 8 kids. I don't know the whole situation with this family but they seem like a well deserving family.

The lady who organized this, had a pick of another family of five. This family listed their gifts they would like. This included particular movies, games for an Xbox thingy and Intendo. Now, I know these are nice gifts but my thinking is, if you can afford these games...whatever it is you need to play them on...then you're not that needy. I know, they may have gotten them last year but ...I just feel better giving to a family who is looking for clothes and food.

I have a hard time with the Toys for Tots campaign. I know it's well meaning but you can live a perfectly happy life without toys. I can't get myself to buy a kid a toy unless it's educational or requires a little imagination. I can buy books, and art supplies but not Intendo. That's just me.

I'm glad we are doing this project. I asked if I can help deliver the items and I am going to do it. I think just seeing their faces will be very rewarding. I look forward to it.

What if...

You never read in the paper where a psychic won the lottery? If I had that kind of power, my life would be so different. I wouldn't be swimming in money but I wouldn't have to watch each penny either. I know, they say money won't buy happiness and I get that but I would be so much more happyierif I didn't have to worry about having enough money for gas to get to work.

Once I went to lunch w/ my nephew Jon at his elementary school. To tell you how much I have to think about spending, I was actually looking for the price menu so I would know if I could afford a junior cheeseburger. Of course there wasn't an prices listed so I had to just wing it, get it and fork over the cash. I had the money with me, I just wanted to be sure I was getting my money's worth.

Yes, if I could predict the numbers in the lottery, I'd win me some, at least once. I could do so much with that money....and not just for me...for those I care about and for those I don't know too. I'd love to stand outside the dollar store and hand out dollars to all the kids who were going into the store with their parents. I think that would be fun. I'd drive through McDonalds and give the cashier a $1000 and tell her to give free meals to everyone in line until the money ran out. I'd love to see their expression when they find out they don't have to pay for their happy meal. I'd give to every animal shelter in Oklahoma and Western NY. I'd buy doggy beds in bulk and bring them to each shelter. It would be so much fun.

Yeah, money won't buy happiness but I'd love to have the chance to learn that lesson. Here's to dreaming.

I know it...

I'm on the cusp of something. Something is brewing in my brain getting ready to escape. I think it may be something I create or write. I know I have to write my year end holiday newsletter, so that may be it. I have several stories in mind. I feel the urge to write the most, when I'm no where in a position to write...like at work. When I get to a place that is condusive to writing; the ideas just don't come. It's so weird.

It's like when I leave the house to go to work, I find some many things I wish I could stay home and do; like clean the bathroom. I never want to clean the bathroom more than when I'm on the way out the door. If I were at home, it would lose its luster and fast. Amazing how that works. Wasn't it Jim Croce who had that song about, "...there never seems to be enough time to do the things you want to do, once you find them?"

I have ideas for tonight...Dancing with the Stars, the Xmas letter, learning Indesign, clean something....let's see what I get done.

The coke habit update

I have been pretty good in my quest to be coke-free. I have not been perfect. I have had awful headaches lately and I am sure it is because of the lack of caffeine. At the airport to Buffalo, and back I had to have a coke. My head was throbbing. Aside from these few times, I have been basically coke-free. I have not had any since Friday. I think I've done quite well.

I'm learning to love Rootbeer. You know, although it is dark like Coke, it does not have any phospheric acid. It has no caffeine either. Iced Tea is also free of Phospheric acid unless you buy it already bottled.

That's all for tonight.

25 Things I want my 15 year old niece to know

1. It's okay to be different; to not follow the pack.
2. To be different however, should never hurt. IE body piercing, tatoos are not "different" - just a painful way to express yourself differently. Trust me on this.
3. You are a beautiful person, inside and out.
4. Remember you get more bees with honey.
5. You will not win friends or influence people by rubbing their noses in their mistakes.
6. It's okay to be wrong.
7. If you have wronged someone, even unintentionally, you need to make it right. An apology will usually suffice.
8. If someone makes fun of you because they have deened your outfit unfashionable, it's okay to refer to yourself as a "trail blazer;" someone who has started a new trend.
9. Be patient with older folks, those in their 40s, who may not understand technology as good as you. IE Ipods, downloads, MP3's and texting.
10. You will have plenty of time to have a relationship with a boy. Don't push it. It will happen.
11. Finish what you start.
12. Concentrate on school.
13. Don't seek out a boy/man just so you can have someone take care of you. You are strong enough to take care of yourself. Once you have established yourself, then you can give a boy/man the pleasure of taking care of you.
14. Yes, love is important in a relationship but don't allow a boy/man into your life who wants you to take care of them. You each need to take care of yourself.
15. People can change, but only if they want to.
16. It's okay to change your mind about your career path.
17. It's a lot easier to understand a situation if you step back for a moment.
18. Everything will work out.
19. You will outgrow a lot of your fears.
20. There are shades of gray.
21. Your family loves you very much.
22. Bacon and toast is a lousy breakfast. (Fat and what will turn into sugar)
23. It's okay to know a little about a lot but it's imporant to know a lot about a little too.
24. You have a good head on your shoulders.
25. I trust you completely.

I AM THANKFUL:

...FOR THE WIFE WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME, AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE. (okay, it doesn't apply, but you get it)

FOR THE HUSBAND WHO IS ON THE SOFA BEING A COUCH POTATO, BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.

FOR THE TEENAGER WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME, NOT ON THE STREETS. (again, doesn't apply)

FOR THE TAXES I PAY BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM EMPLOYED .

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS. (If only)

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE (not really something I enjoy but I'm thankful we have the sun to warm us.)

FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING, WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING, AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME. (okay...maybe a shower to clean and a bed to make applies more to me)

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

FOR THE PARKING SPOT I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION .

FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM WARM.

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES AT THE END OF THE DAY BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.

AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME.

Home In Oklahoma

Well, my "traveler from hell" title must be removed. We made it to Buffalo and back to OKC with NO delays, waylays...or any kind of lays whatsoever. It must be traveling with Phil. He's my lucky charm. The news reports all kinds of travel delays but we did not see any of them.

Something about going back to NY makes me want to do better. I think about it, all the way home, how I'm going to sleep less and do more; be a better housekeeper, workout, eat better, be more productive at home and at work; learn more; do more work on my investing club. I may be inspired by my brother Jim, and his wife, Debi. These people don't like to sit for too long; especially Jim. He's always doing something, up on the roof cleaning out the gutters or in the garage tinkering, or in the office working on a computer design project as a side job, or in the basement putting in a new hard drive on someone's computer. He's always busy. He rarely watches TV. Yeah, he inspires me to do more. Let's see how long this lasts.

So far, I've haven't done much but criticized myself for leaving dirty pans on the stove all week. Ugh. Oh well.

Happy Thanksgiving

I'm thankful for so many things.

Thankful for my wonderful husband, who, for the most part, gets me; my great dad and my brothers and their families; the ability to make an honest living; the good things I see each day; for God who I know is there and the memories of my mom who I know is watching over me.

It's so easy to get caught up in the little meaningless things. As long as you are in good health, safe from harm and have people in your life that love you and who you love; what more can we ask for?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Wednesday

Oh the time is flying. I hate that it is coming to a close. We leave Angola tomorrow, early afternoon for Getzville. That's it. I won't be back here until next time. It all depends on my Dad's surgery for when I get back here. I felt so sad at his house tonight. I went to watch the Sabres game with him. I stayed for two periods. He cleaned the stove. This is a big deal. He hates to clean. (You should see his house). I just can't believe this is the same man of 20 years ago. It's just strange.

When my mom was here it was hard to leave her but at least I left her with my dad. Now he's all alone. It's sad. More later.

Tuesday

The vacation is creeping by. Today's agenda is lunch with my Sister in Law's Step Mom. How funny does that sound? We're going, guess? Chicks! Yes the bowling alley. It's a big deal here in Angola. Bowling, food....what ever can you ask for?

After that I'm driving out to North Collins. It's just north of Collins (in case you want to know). My friend Robin is out there with her three children (ages 3-7). She's this single mom who apparently has been cloned or something. She's amazing.

I really need to focus more on the people who have an interest in my life than those who do not.

Monday

Today I experienced gambling. Yes, I went to the casino and promptly lost $20! My dad took me. He loves it there so I had to see his world. He understands it all. Not me. I think they make it so complicated. You play a video game, say Yahtee yet you are also playing a BINGO card. What's up with that? Then there's the lines you want to play and how much per line.

But it was nice to do something with my dad.

As we were leaving I said, "thanks dad for bringing me here so I could lose $20." He replied, "Well, that'll teach you for gambling." Incidently, he walked out with $45.

Reconnecting

From time to time, I think of the King clan; a kid-infested family that moved into my neighborhood when I was 12. I never because great friends with any of the kids; not really. There was a time when I was "friendly, but as fair weather friends go, the King girls were as bad as any of them.

Yet, still I think of them. I wonder how they are doing. We are all grown up, some of us are dead, some long married and some divorced. I'm not sure what has happened to any of them, not really despite the fact that my brother's family is still lives in the same small town. My neice is going to school with one of the King girl's daughter. I have sent notes to that mother but I have no way of knowing if it was ever received. Recently I sent a letter to the oldest, just asking her how eveyone was doing...nothing overly personally...yet...I hear nothing back.

Okay, I know...I need to move on; just let it go. This time, I think I will. But I have to ask myself, why is this so important to me to reconnect with people who really weren't friends; just people I knew. I asked my sister in law this. She just feels she's okay knowing who she knows and that her circle of friends is complete. She wouldn't ever turn her back to them if she saw them, but she has no need to "seek" out a status on their lives. I guess I'm too enquiring...and no, that's NOT nosy. There is a difference.

Church

We went to church this morning. No, the walls didn't fall in either. Who would have thought. The Pastor got me thinking about finding my place, my purpose. He said that there are two kinds of church goes; the ones who do too much and the ones who don't do enough. Personally I think he's wrong; I think there's a third-the ones who do do enough. Anyway, he says the ones who do too much have a hard time asking for help or deligating because, sometimes it's easier to do it yourself. The ones who don't do enough don't know where they belong and, like me, are afraid if they choose a place and it's not what they hoped, they will be stuck. He says it's not true; that you may end up changing several times before you find your place. This is kind of reassuring to me because at 47 I think I should have found my place and that it's too late. Maybe it's not.

I'm not able to join this church, obviously, since I don't live here but maybe I will change and pick on in Edmond. I have to think about this more.

Day 2

Getting ready to go to Chick's Bowling Alley. Yes, Angola's finest bowling establishment since the 1940s. My nephew is bowling as is my niece. I get to watch them. Aw, the simplier life. Well, you'd think it was but it's hectic. I don't know how my brother and hsi wife do it. They are constantly on the move; running here, singing in the church choir, fixing stuff, doing projects. I wonder if the energy comes from no other alterative? I'm to complacent to be complacent. (Or check the spelling on the word complacent.)

Okay...off to bowling.

I'm home (away from home)

Phil and I took an early (up by 3:am) flight home today. I'm happy to say we got here without any delays. Knock me over with a feather but it's true. Of course flying to any location where you have to change planes is an all day event. Well, so it seemed. Our flight out of OKC left at 5:50am and we were at my mother in laws by noon, so I guess that's not all day.

I'm at my brother's house now. I am very beat so this post is not much. More tomorrow.

One week to Thanksgiving

I took off from work today. My stomach is freaking out and I don't like it. I especially don't like it because I'm getting on a plane tomorrow to go home for Thanksgiving. Oh, I'm sure it will be okay.

I so happy to go home to see my family, especially my dad. He does have to have his bladder removed; that's the bad news but the good news is the cancer hasn't spread any where else. The other bad news is that he has an anorism on his aortia. I guess they will be removing both in a couple weeks. It's sad that his decision to start taking better care of himself was a little too short. It's a wake up call for us all. But he'll be fine, I just know it.

I will probably go to the casino with him. He loves the casino. There's one about 10 miles from his house on an Indian Reservation. We worry that he spends too much time there but...he knows when to stop. Yesterday he walked out of there with $350 of their money. So, sometimes it works.

Anyway, that's all for now.

Faces

Okay, you may have thought the Monster Tree was a stretch. Well, I often find "things" in the weirdest places. Here is a man I see in the tile in the restroom at work. Can you see him? I named him Jughead. When it's time to use the facilities we say, "I'm going to go visit Jughead."

The first photo shows Jughead from afar. He's in the upper left of the center tile. The second is a closeup of Jughead with some help to identify him.

I feel so much better

I had a disagreement with a girl at work. It was silly; stupid, really but we both misinterrupted each other and forgot that it's okay to disagree. I'm happy to say, we worked it out. It's amazing how much better it can make your working life. Eight hours of silence can take forever. I feel like a weight has been lifted off me; like I had a pounding headache that just went away. Truth be told, I have enjoyed talking to her during the day; and I do like to hear her opinions even if I don't always agree with her. But disagreeing is okay.

Oh man...I'm lost for words

Philip didn't think it could happen but it did....I can't think of anything to blog about. Nope. Nothing.

Well, I could be really boring and tell you I'm watching Dancing with The Stars. I really like Marie Osmond and I would like her to win; I doubt she will; she's a little too stiff but I really like her. She reminds me of my friend Liz. Both have that big sun shiney smile and committment to family. I'm sure the race car driver will win which means JulieAnn Haugh or whatever her name is will win again. She was so cute with Pablo last year. Well, that was boring.

My day was good. I was very productive at work. I slipped in a little self serving credit to my boss. Sometimes you just have to blow your own horn. I know, you shouldn't be when the only ones who know how hard you are working are you and God...well, that should be enough but...well it's not. Sorry God. So I did it; not so sudtle though.....but oh well.

Time to Learn

I have access to a ton of online classes. A ton! Everything from Adobe Illustrator to Microsoft Project. Now, I just have to make myself do it. This is why this post is short. But post I did for today!

Intuition or Lack there of

I have no intuition. None. Zero. Zip. Null. Okay..maybe a little. I did feel that the Buffalo Bills would win today but that and two other games (the same ones other's picked in my Pickem League)I got right. None of my upsets happened. Well, it upsets me but I guess that doesn't count. I can't "feel" lottery numbers either. I get an idea in my head; think it's a winner..really "feel" it but no. Nothing. If you want a team to win, you might want to let me know so I can root for the other team; you're assured a win. I could have won big on the NCAA tourney last spring but of course, the team I rooted for who was so close lost in the final minute. I'm the kiss of death.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I know there are worse things in life. Just felt like ranting.

Thinking about my Mama

Aw...I have discovered that my dad has bladder cancer. I have no idea what level he is or how much there is in him or what the prognosis is; he had a bone scan and a c-scan but he doesn't see his doctor until Wednesday. I guess they are not so concerned about it, otherwise you'd think they'd move a little quicker.

I can't help and wonder if my mom has anything to do with this. Not in a vendictive way, mind you. My dad quit smoking last Christmas. Not because he wanted to but he needed a triplet way bypass operation. After two months is the hospital, he figured it didn't make any sense to start again. So he quit. For a while, I imagined my mom up in heaven saying, "Oh sure, now you quit!" I'm very surprised, and overjoyed that he has stuck to it.

Co-existing

Remember on Melrose Place when one character slept with another character's spouse and three weeks later the injured party invited the skank to her party? It was like they never really hated each other; just got injured and moved past the anger. This is, no doubt, a bit extreme but that's TV.

In reality, people have disagreements and they can, at times, get heated but the mature, big person(s) let it go and forgive and forget. The childish one's hold a little disagreement tight to their chest, let it steep in their psycie to develop hate or distain. Yes, we can't like everyone we meet and we may disagree with those we tolerate. We tolerate them because it makes for better living conditions.

I feel bad for those who can't get over a simple disagreement and allow it to end a relationship. That's just sad.

ATTENTION PLEASE

Do people who have their various body parts pierced long for attention? Is that the reason why people get tattoos? A woman I see often does. She believes that people borne male who dress in woman's apparell and want to be women, are asking for attention. She thinks the two are the same; that is nose-pierced-tattoed ladan-colorful-mohawked-wearing people are callng for the same attention as transsexual individuals. And each are open for ridicule. I say there are differences in the two. The former brought on their differences themselves. Transsexuals are repairing something that just happened to them. They didn't ask to be born the wrong sex. I doubt that anyone has said, "I wish I was born with a ring in my nose."

Coke free

I've been coke free since Monday at 9:36 am. So far, it's not so bad. I really haven't had any major cravings for it. I think I'm just ready to take better care of myself. I even took my calcium this morning...see. Also, I have to agree with my boss who told me that Diet Coke makes you more hungry. It seems to be true. I was constantly hungry when I was on coke (ha) and now, not so much.

I even went to McDonalds today, and although Coke was on the menu I didn't get it. I have discovered, though, Sprite is not 7-up. But so far, so good.

How Honest are you?

How honest are you? If you're at a restaurant, say IHOP, and the bill has been miscalculated to your advantage, do you bring it to the waitress's attention? If you put a bag of dog food under the cart at WalMart but forgot to tell the cashier or forget to take it off the cart for her to scan, do you go back into the store to pay for it? The bank teller miscounts and gives you an extra $10 bill back, do you take it back to the bank?

I have a friend who insists she will go back to correct an error. She doesn't want two unpaid for iced teas on her bill that the waitress forgot to add to stand in the way of her trip to Heaven.

I admire that but I can honestly say, I try to be honest but I won't say I always am. It does depend on who it is that suffers. If it's a small mom and pop cafe, I'd bring the error to their attention. If it's WalMart, I probably won't. If I'm buying Girl Scout cookies and the 12 year old girl charges me for 2 boxes and I had bought 3, I'd tell her. It really depends. I guess this means I'm selectively dishonest. I have never, nor would I ever blantantly steal but if the cashier or waitress aren't doing their jobs; I'm not going to go out of my way to correct them. If this means I'm dishonest, well, if the label fits...

Happy Birthday to ME!!!!

Yes, it's my birthday and I don't mind telling you. I think birthdays are meant for celebration! Celebrating 46 years on this great green earth. I don't mind telling my age. Heck I don't mind telling you I weight 150 lbs. I don't get that, why some woman won't tell their age or their weight. What's up with that? We are what we are and as long as we are good and follow the rules of life and law, why not celebrate who we are? I've worked hard to reach 47 by golly! I need to celebrate it!

Word Wasters

I live with a man who wastes words. I mean it. He's a big word waster. I tell him there are people in third world nations who would just love to have those words. How does one waste words, you ask?

By telling me he has a dentist appointment at 2PM....PM, like I thought he might be going in the early morning.

He tells me when it's raining outside. Yes, he includes "outside" in the event I might think it's raining in our living room.

Sometimes I don't mind when he wastes words. Like when he tells me he loves me...very much. :)

What if my words fall on blind eyes?

I'm big on snail mail letter writing. I love to write letters. I'm just in need of an audience. I write to one family back home. Of course, I never hear back from them but each time I see them, they say how they love to read my letters. I just, kind of wish, I heard this feedback more often...like in between letters from me. I have recently started writing to a cousin back home. We have always been friendly but never really connected until this past summer. Her sister died unexpectly. I wrote to her to lend my support and let her know I was thinking about her. When I saw her over the summer she was unusually happy to see me, telling me she loved me and wanted us to be closer. So, I've written to her. Like all my letters, and I'm sure this is true of everyone, I write first asking her how she's doing. This takes up about 5% of the letter. The rest is about me..what I'm doing, what's been happening around me. I believe this is how most people write if they were to take the time to write letters. There's just a part of me that wonders if the receiptant really gives a darn? Are they enthralled to know that I just painted my living room? Do they really care that my husband is back in school? That's kind of the problem with snail mail...the response is so slow and at times, like in my case, not happening.

Oh, I understand some people just don't like to write. I get that. I just hope the receiptant isn't saying to themselves, "And I need to know this, why?" I don't think it's a waste of my time because I'm doing what I need to do...WRITE! Whether or not it's being read...that's secondary.

Kicking the Coke Habit

I'm going to do this. I have to. On Monday, I'm stopping at Sonic on my way to work to get my last diet Coke w/ Vanilla. I will have to have it drank by 10am. Before 10, I will be 46 years old; after 10, I will be 47 years old. I want to be able to say, I haven't had a coke since I was 46. I have to do this. Coke, Dr Pepper, Pepsi....any carmel colored carbinated drink has phospheric acid and this is bad. Bad bad bad. PA is not good. It depletes your body of calcium. I need all the calcium I can get.

This is going to be very hard. I love my Diet Coke. I will admit I'm addicted. Does anyone know a 12 step program to kick this coke habit?

Day Two

I'm a firm believer that everyone should write down what they believe in; what their views are so that in ten years they can look back at it. It's not necessary to write every day about the day to day happenings (although that's okay too) but just write your belief in topics like abortion, adultery, having children or not, politics, religion, etc. Just write it and seal it and not read it until ten years have past. You might surprise yourself.

There are days where...

I'd like to ask my boss if she's having misgivings with her decision five months ago to add the likes of me to her staff. This was one of those days where I searched for a smile or a chuckle from her to reassure me that she's not repulsed by her decision to add me to her payroll. Some days you just feel stupid. Today was that day

Let the fun begin...

It's National Blogging Month and I'm ready. You are going to find out so much about me this month. Maybe more than you'd want. Maybe I'll have to make stuff up, just to have something to say. We'll see. Maybe I'll just share some funny stories. Yeah...that's the ticket. More soon.

The Tree Monster

This is a tree near my house. Every time I go by it I say, "I have to take a picture of that tree. It looks like a monster." Do you see it? It's going to get that car. Click on image to get a closer look.

So Proud

Yeah! I know there are so many 5th graders out there who could put the little NaBloPoMo thingy on their blog but I was having a little trouble. But by golly, with a little help from Ari_65 and some other online sources, I did it! Sorry but I believe we need to celebrate whenever we can..so I am. (So there!)

National Blog Month

November is National Blog Month. I signed up for this ...contest of sorts..where you have to blog every day in November. There are prizes too. Nothing huge. Blogging each day gets you an entry into a drawing so it's not like you automatically win but it sounds so fun. Also, it motivates me to write and I know I need help with motivation there. So, get set for November...I'm writing each day. And hopefully you're reading. :)

Spin

My chiropractor has an erasable message board on the wall. They always have some sappy message on it like, "Tell a friend a chiropractor can help" Today's message was...

"Referrals are easy when you care."

I told them they should change it to make it more catchy. Something like...

"Referrals are hard when you don't give a shit."

For some reason, they didn't agree. Hmmm.

Typical Sunday in Buffalo...

Is this Serendipity?

My office mate at work, Stacey, has a 4 year old niece named Morgan. Stacey often, to my delight, tells me little Morgan stories. This tot sounds like a little sweetheart. This past Thursday, I asked Stacey where her brother and sister-in-law came up with the name "Morgan." She said she believed it had something to do with a horse. On Saturday, I wasn't planning on it but on my way home from shopping, I saw a sign for a garage sale. I decided to stop. I didn't see much there but I did look through a box of books. Mostly they were children's books but I found two that caught my eye. "Morgan Morning" and "Morgan and Me"...part of the "Serendipity Series"...stories about a horse named Morgan. I bought them both...very happy with my purchase.

Giraffes fighting, who knew?

glumbert - Giraffes fight with their heads

Can you be sad?

After looking at this guy, how can you?

Courtesy

It's common courtesy to return the favor; is it not? If I offer to do something, say pick up lunch since I'm out anyway, shouldn't the person who benefits from this, return the favor? Okay, I do it because I want to; really I don't mind. I guess some would say "if you do it because you expect something in return, than you shouldn't' do it." Is this right? Is expecting a person to reciprocate asking too much? Couldn't we butter each other's bread?

Same for blogs. If I comment on your blog, is it asking too much for you to read mine and hopefully comment? Gawd...this makes me more angry than not picking up lunch. Maybe because all it takes is a couple minutes of time.

I believe in the golden rule. I believe if you are going in one direction, someone else might benefit from it too. Why not share the wealth? Why not acknowledge someone's existence? Where's the harm?

Pain

It seems that I have been allotted this certain amout of pain each day and whoever is administrating this pain gets to decide what body-part to pick on each day. Yesterday it was my lower back; last week it was my left wrist and elbow. Before that it was the shoulder. The shoulder today is apparently the lucky recipient again. Over the weekend it was my left ankle. It's totally arbitrary.

I have said that pain should be allocated based on how good a person is. This makes so much sense to me. We wouldn't need jails because if you were bad, like say a rapist or murderer, you'd be rendered incapacitated and raising your head up would be all you could muster. You'd welcome the death penalty.

We wouldn't need courts because the punishment would fit the crime. Arthritis for tax evaders; allergies for traffic violations; bigger bone breaks for the bigger felonies – a broken back for aggravated assault; a broke arm for purse snatching; Terminal cancer for first-degree murder or rape.

Now, I know, some pain is good because then you’d know something was wrong and you’d get it treated. There would have to be some kind of system instilled so people would know the injury or illness was caused by bad behavior or not. This system would mean that good people would be perfectly healthy all their life. I suppose the question of how long a life a good person could have would have to be determined. Obviously we can’t live forever and the death of a good person would mean extra points to their good offspring or beneficiary if their choosing.

Some would say that God gives us free will and we are suppose to choose the correct way. Unfortunately, this system is flawed. It works to a certain extent but not completely. My system has so many merits to it. Everyone will try like the dickens to be good. If they knew they could get a high out of being good, I mean a real physical high, like when you take a pain pill - the better a person they will be– what could be better than that?

Such a Commotion

I guess numbers 73 and 74 have caused a stir. My friends think differently about letting their husbands do things with other woman. I just don't get that. If Phil asks me if I want to see the latest shootem-up-car-chasen-crashing-dark-fast-moving-thriller-movie out at the theatre I would say no. If his lady co-worker, or a woman he knows, wants to see it with him, what's the big deal? I know how he feels about me. He knows how I feel about him. There's no harm, no foul.

Okay, some may say that it's flirting with disaster...I'm allowing the stage to be set for something else to happen. I know my husband. After 22 years, I should. His heart isn't going to wander any more than his hands will. And, to respond to those who say, "oh, I trust my husband, I just don't trust another woman;" there is just no way, Phil would allow anything to happen if she had some crazy idea to start something. I just know this to be true. I just do.

This is not to say I wouldn't complain if he asked her before asking me, on the off chance that I had aquired a taste for shootem-up-car-chasen-crashing-dark-fast-moving-thriller-movies. I don't care for these movies; I know he likes them, why should he go alone? Same for baseball. This is sheer bordom for me. I have gone; I have brought books. If SuzieQ in Phil's department happens to be a big Redhawks fan...well, "have fun. Here's a five for a beer." Not a problem. I know he'll be home after the game. He knows I'll be waiting for him.

To me, it is a matter of trust. Plain and simple.

Some will say I should just go with him even though it's not my thing. I have done this but I know in the end I am doing him a disservice. I have another friend who does everything with her husband. He's a big car fan; loves cars; loves to go to car shows and look under the hood and check the interior and talk car. They don't have the money to ever buy one but he loves to look. She goes to car shows with him and by her own admission says after the first 45 minutes, it's repetitive and boring to her. After the first hour of feinting interest, she gets sarcastic and answers his glee of discovery with "yeah, whatever." She heads off to the ladies room to break up the monotony. Soon her disinterest becomes so apparent, he gets annoyed with her. She's not enjoying herself and he feels bad for putting her through it.

Why not let him go with someone who shares this interest equally? So what, if it happens to be a woman?

Phil hates to go to thrift shops with me. Oh, he's good the first 15 minutes but after he's cased the place, he's done. He follows me around or goes and sits in the car. We're really not doing this together afterall so why bother. (Although, I would rather go alone and not have a thrift sh0p partner at all..man or woman.)

In the spirit of doing things together, we will stick with the things we are both interested in: eating out; watching football on TV; watching a favorite TV show; an occasional movie that we both want to see.

This is what we have done for over 20 years. I think it works.

100 Things about me

I saw someone's blog where they wrote down 100 things about themselves. So here goes: (in no particular order)
1 - I am not too crazy about people who are grumpy.
2 - I especially don't care for people who are selectively grumpy.
3 - I believe every day is a gift. Even Mondays.
4 - I believe in Love.
5 - I believe that men hear on a different frequency than woman.
6 - I can do anything I put my mind to.
7 - Phil is my dreamboat
8 - I buy all my clothes at thrift shops (not underwear, shoes, socks, hoses)
9 - I'm thankful there are some size 12 women who donate their Liz Wear to thrift shops.
10-I love football
11- I love the Buffalo Bills
12- I never cared much for Jim Kelly (although, I understand he thought highly of me)
13- I love to write
14- I procrastinate too much on my writing
15 - I love to learn new software
16 - I couldn't live without my computer (okay I could but I won't like it.)
17- I don't think we should explore outer space or look for life elsewhere. (A fly comes to my table, I kill him)
18 - People who won't let you in should be avoided.
19-You are never too busy if you really want to do something.
20- I use the library for books (as opposed to buying them)
21 - Don't tell me you programmed my phone number in you phone if you're never going to call me back.
22- My favorite color is clear.
23 - I don't like poems if they're obscure.
24 - Say what you mean.
25- My favorite authors are Jonathan Tropper, William Kolwalski, and Richard Russo.
26 - I love sleeping with the window open even when it's 40 degrees outside.
27 - Fall is my favorite season
28 - I love cheesecake, coconut cream pie and pecan bread.
29- I'm addicted to diet Coke
30 - I wish the weather wasn't so bad in Western NY so I would be more apt to move back there.
31 - I dislike people who are rude or short. (not in height)
32 - I like TLC and shows about Flipping houses
33 - I wish I was more handy (see number 6)
34 - I'm glad I'm tall.
35 - I'm secure in the knowledge that my feet are big.
36 - I hate it when I repeat myself.
37 - I hate it when other people repeat themselves.
38 - I love dogs
39 - I'm not too crazy about cats40 - I like having breakfast at IHOP or Dennys
41 - I like having cereal for a snack.
42 - People at work should always say "good morning" and "so-long" at the beginning and end of each workday.
43- I believe in God.
44 - My first car was a '79 Duster I named "Jackson" because it was Brown and "running on empty."
45 - I took a small pocketbook from a jacket hanging in the cloak room in kindergarden and I hid it in the leaves by my house. I felt very guilty for a long time.
46 - My first boyfriend's name was Donny.
47 - My favorite football players were Doug Flutie and Frank Reich.
48 - I named my first dog "Elliot Garfield" after the main character in the Goodbye Girl played by Richard Dreyfess.
49 - I have Marfan's Syndrome
50 - I quit smoking 6 years ago for good.
51 - I like NA beer
52 - I hate to shower (but I do it anyway)
53 - I drive a standard
54 - I wish naps at work were mandatory
55 - I have a brother named Jim and a brother named Ed.
56 - I call Ed "Weird"
57 - He answers.
58 - I can't have kids.
59 - I'm finally okay with that.
60 - After being a victim of a tornado at ten, I was afraid of the wind until I was 16.
61 - I hate bugs.
62 - I'm not an outdoor person.
63 - I want to live in a condo.
64 - I grew up outside of Buffalo NY but have never been to NYC.
65 - I wish my neighbors would invite me over for an NA beer and a football game on a Sunday.
66 - I take an antidepressant
67 - I think it works
68- I can't tell the difference between regular TV and high definition.
69 - I sometimes wear men's slacks and shoes.
70 - My husband and I have the exact same hand span.
71 - I like a beef BOB from Taco Bueno. No sour cream.
72 - I see no logic in racing to a red light.
73 - My husband could go to a baseball game with another woman and I would be okay with that.
74 - My husband can do anything with another woman who's willing if I am not.
75 - I'm lactose intolerant
76 - I have 6 more hours to go to get my bachelors degree.
77 - I'm addicted to Minesweeper
78 - I'm photophobic
79- I love shade.
80- I used to do stand up comedy.
81 - I once sold a joke to Margaret Smith.
82 - I've published some articles in the Buffalo News and Oklahoma Women.
83 - I think Mike Rowe (Dirty Jobs) is the Mike Defeno (character on Desperate Housewives) of the Discovery Channel.
84 - I think Ty Pennington is Ernest with sex appeal.
85 - CEOs should not make more money than all their staff combined.
86 - Politicians shouldn't be in it for the money.
87 - Teachers shouldn't be in it for the money.
88- Firefighters are under paid.
89 - The only thing that will make the world's countries get along would be a visit from outer space with an ultimatum.
90- I miss my Momma.
91 - Being sad is a waste of time.
92 - A dead end is a place to turn around (thank you Y)
93 - You should learn something new every day.
94 - Not everything is black and white.
95 - I h8 it when people write "how r u?"
96 - And, it's not "your the best" or "their they go"...ah...makes me crazy.
97 - I love Country music
98 - I want Phil to do this.
99 - I'm fearful of a home invasion.
100 - I drive a Focus.

The Holiday is Here

Yeah! Three whole days of doing my own thing! So psyched.

This is new to me; this being off and not thinking about work. Before I changed jobs, I was at work every Saturday (or Sunday...one or the other) even on a holiday weekend. When I left there, I was kind of lost on Saturday. I didn't know what to do with myself. I know, you're thinking that's nuts. It's weird for me though. Work defines me; it gives me a reason to get up. I don't think I could ever work from home...well, not for someone else. I would be too tempted to sleep in; to say to myself "oh, I'll work late or through my lunch." I don't think I'd be disciplined enough.

This is going to sound crazy to many of you, but I'm still not sure what to do with my weekends. Oh yes, there's laundry and cleaning but (yawn) work at least stimulated me (mentally, silly) I signed up for a tiling class at Home Depot for tomorrow. Phil and I are going to look at a workout place to possibly join. There's always the thrift stores to check out. And yard sales.

I'll figure it out.

Home Alone

My husband went home for a few days. I am home alone...me and Lucky Dog doing some mother/doghter bonding. I, once again, feel bad that I am happy for this time alone. I told Phil, "No offense, but I am enjoying this time." I think he thinks it's a testiment to "us" like I'd rather be on my own. It's not though; it's just a great opportunity for me to do my own thing when I want to do it. This is what I have done:

• Ran errands all day (had the day off from work)
• Went shopping
• Went to garage sales
• Bought a Sara Lee Coconut Cream pie and I'm eating it all! Not in one sitting but it's all mine! I don't even use a plate, just started eating it right from the tin. (I am using a fork though)
• Watched whatever I wanted on three of the TVs in the house (ran from room to room while I was picking up the place)\
• Did laundry
• Picked up the place

You are no doubt thinking I'm out of control. I know it.

What's happening..

Well, we took Duchess back. We didn't ask for a refund. I felt bad; felt like I let her down...but this is what happens when you try to bite me. I'm just like that.

We did find another dog this past Saturday. She is six years old...a Dachshund Mix...very lovely dovely..perhaps too lovely dovely. She's pretty sprye for a 6 year old. She is so funny too. She hides her dog dish, guess she's not so keen on dry dog food. I am much happier with a dog that doesn't want, or appear to want, to take a chunk out of me. We named her Lucky Dog. In German it is Glucklich Hund. Lucky Dog is much easiler. She really seems to know her name. The OKC pound had named her Greta, a nice German name, but she did not respond to it. The pound tatoos numbers on each dog belly, for ID purposes of course. We thought maybe they may be lucky numbers so we played them in the PowerBall. Not a one came in. I guess we are just lucky to have a nice new to us doggy.

Here's her picture..

Oh What to Do?

Phil and I adopted a dog today. Her name is Duchess and she's eight years old. I felt okay that she was older because she'd be pretty mild mannered, calm...just sleep a lot. She was a little apprehensive of us at first but we figured she was just being shy and unsure of us. At the adoption place, she started to warm up to us. The lady put her on the bench next to me and she stopped shaking and all was well. On the way home, she was on Phil's lap. She wasn't shaking or appearing nervous. We were thinking, this is so great. We're going to be a family.

A couple hours into our new life, she got weird. She hid in an area near the windows. Phil went to pet her and she snapped at him. We figured she just needed more time. Phil backed off. A little while later, I went to pet her and she snapped at me too. I really want this to work but I can't live with a dog that I'm afraid of. She has to go back. I feel so sad. I called the lady at the adoption place. She says she was kind of nippy when she first came to them but she warmed up to them. I should give her more time but for some reason, I can't. I want a friendly dog. I'm sorry this is not part of Duchess's make up...I thought it would be but it's clear to me it is not. I am very sad.

I'm the traveler from hell.

I'm in Western NY. I almost didn't make it because Delta over books and then when there's a delay, stand by in your only chance of getting to your final destination.

I got to the OK airport in plenty of time. I had hoped almost having my Pepno Bismo confiscated was going to be my only mishap. Aw, wishful thinking. Our plane was late getting in. We finally boarded. My layover in Atlanta was now reduced to 20 minutes. Or, so I thought. Next they asked for two people to volunteer to get off the plane. They got one taker. Then they came on and said we all had to deplane. "Why?" a passenger asked.

The attendant gave this deer in the headlight look as she tried to decide what words to use. "I don't know but the firetrucks are here and they said everyone needs to get off." No one hesitated then.

Apparently, they over filled the gas tank and some of the fuel spilled over the side of the plane and on to the tarmac. The attentant in the airport said she wasn't sure how long it would take because in the seven years she worked there, it had never happened.

Finally we are back on the plane and in the air. Of course, I miss my connection. I go to the Delta service center and she tells me the next plane is overbooked but try it anyway. I ask for a food voucher..it's their fault they over filled the gastank. She gives me one. After I eat...a very good "All American Grill Chicken" sandwich from this Sports Stop place near my gate, I go to the desk and the next flight is over booked...they are going to have to pay to get people to give up their seats. The next available is on Saturday! Yes, the day after Thursday! She tells me to go to the Delta Service center. I go there. A very nice man tells me that the next flight is over booked, so is the one after that..so are the three flights on Friday. He confirms for a flight on Saturday. He give me a voucher for a hotel and two meals....tells me I can try to get on the next flight, on stand by, but he's not too confident that will happen. I got back to the gate and my name is on the standby list...number 7. I wait. The boarding is done. They call names. People are getting on. Then more names are called. People are NOT showing up. I can't believe it...Evam Mahoney...they announce. I run up to the lady. She tells me to get on the plane. I look at the girl, who I was talking to, she yells out, congratuations. I start to run down the shoot; they call me back....I didnt stop to get my ticket. I'm so excited! I'm going home!

It takes a long time for the plane to get clearance...but it's okay..I can't believe my good forture. I am convinced Mary Mollie had a hand in it!

Shouldn't I?

Since I don't have any kids and ultimately no grand kids, shouldn't I be successful? I mean really successful? Like a doctor or a lawyer or CEO of something? Isn't making a great living, for a woman, the opposite of motherhood? Yes, yes yes...there are women who "have it all"; a great career which they juggle w/ motherhood. But, ultimately, the career gets put on hold if they kids are in need of the mother. This is how it should be. So if I don't have kids, I should be making a ton of money to compensate. I don't. This is sad..but true and I'm too tired to say why....for now.

First Week Down

Wow...I worked a whole week at my new job. By the end of Tuesday I was already thinking "weekend." Finally it is here.

How do I like my new job? Well, there's this huge learning curve...not just the work either. I have to learn passcodes and passwords and my way to the ladies' room. I have to learn where the mail goes, who does what, who to email when this happens, who to not email, the procedure to get white out, how to enter my time in and what my job title and phone number is. I can honestly tell you I don't know what my new phone number is. I have to look it up. I have to look up my password to get into the system. They tell me what it is and it's one of these PWs you can't remember like "tc42i01"...no rhyme, no reason (that isn't my password, in case you think it is). I'm learning the people...this is hard. There is so many faces and names to remember. Plus you have to learn about them..if not acknowledging your existance is really a sign they don't like you or just their normal disposition.

So far so good. There are pluses to this job over my old job but there are negatives too. I used to complain about my "Awfical" now I don't have one...I have an office...that I share with three other ladies. Fortunately, so far, none of them have annoying snorting habits or stink excessively. The breaks are designated and the smokers go right by our office, like cattle crossing to get to the outdoors. Fifteen minutes later, they are back reeking of cigarette smoke and sweat.

But, all in all...it is good. The work is challendging; probably would be more if my new boss gave it to me at once. I'm happy she is rationing it out as I get more comfortable. I'm not overwhelmed...just whelmed. LIfe is good.

Letting Go

Yesterday was my last day of work at a place I had worked at for over eight years. I don't know what the average tenure is at a job, but I think eight years is a long time. I've made some great connections, some great friends...friends in the sense that we like each other, value what we each bring to the workplace, trust one another to be fair and recognize that we are different but basically want the same thing.

Before I left I had 3 and a half days to give my replacement a crash course in her new duties. Trust me when I say, this is not near long enough. There are so many aspects to the job; so many ways to do things in the event this happens or that happens or if nothing happens. You are so dependant on the other side -send out the forms and the reciever needs to complete them correctly and completely and although we are dealing with highly educated people, what does come back isn't always correct or complete. So on to Plan B. In this job you can be up to Plan H before you can say, "okay that's that...time to move on."

I think maybe I'm overly responsible. Is there such a thing? Maybe it's part of my OCD. A disability perhaps. (Can I get Federal aid?) I have a hard time letting go. I talked to my replacement a few times today and I was happy she accepted by offer to call me. She is overwhelmed and I don't blame her. So much to know; so much I know that took me eight years to understand. I won't object to go in tomorrow afternoon...for the definate last time. But that's up to management. I made the offer; whatever they decide is the best way. My brother says I'm trying to empty out the Pacific Ocean with a bucket. I see his point but I want to feel like I've left this job in the best possible state. I don't fool myself into believing I could leave it caught up. It's one that is never done.

Drug Testing

I had to have a physical for my new job. I also had to have a drug test. This was an interesting experience. I have never done this before. I didn't know know what to expect. They go to great lengths to make sure you don't cheat on the test. They turn the water off to the rest room, they make the toilet water blue. No one told me I was being timed. I'm not good under that pressure. It's hard enough to pee into a cup much less have to do it quickly. They give you four minutes...that's it. Talk about performance anxiety.

The first time I didn't pee enough. They want a good inch in the cup. That try was tossed and I had to do it again after the physical. I drank five glasses of water. After the physical, which consisted of 20 minutes of waiting for the doctor to come into the exam room, followed by a couple questions, and feel of my neck glands and a quick listen to the heart, I was dressed and into to the lobby to wait for "the urge."

I was out there for 10 minutes. I told them I was ready. Again, I had to leave my purse in one room, sign papers, get escorted to the lav; toilet water made blue, water shut off and the clock was ticking. This time I was very successful. It was like nursery school where I clapped at my performance and was so proud of myself. "Good girl!" Mission accomplished. Then I had to watch the tech put my labels on the viles (she had transfered the pee to them), watched her put the viles into a plastic bag and watch her seal the bag. Again, sign more papers and finally I was done. So happy with myself. :)

Inappropiate Disclosure

I gave notice at the job I've been at for over 8 years. Management finally got around to announcing it. It was making me nuts because for over 8 days I've had to keep this news to myself. I was asked to "not discuss it" with my co-workers, my friends, the people I've been sharing and being shared to with pieces of each other for a long time. It was so hard for me. I'm the best secret keeper, as long as they are other people's secrets. I'm not so good with my own though. Well, I can be but it kills me.

It reminds me of my youth, when I'd buy my brother a Birthday present and give it to him. I'd be busting at the seams waiting for him to open it; to share in my delight at finding a great gift. He knew it too. He'd say, "Oh, thanks, I'll open it later." It would make me nuts!

Finally the VP announces it to all at a staff meeting called just for this occassion. But not only does he tell them I'm leaving, he also shares with them the place I'm going to. Now, personally, I don't care if people know where I'm going; it's not like I just got hired at the adult bookstore down the street, but isn't that up to me? Shouldn't I be the one to tell them, if I choose, where I'm going? I wanted to blurt out, "I'll take Inappropiate Disclosure" for $500, Alex." But I didn't. I also wanted to say, "FINALLY, SOMETHING ABOUT ME!" It seems like he stoled that from me. Here was my time to have the attention of everyone in the room, as they sat on the edge of their seats (although we were all standing) and waited for me to drop the bomb. But it was snatched from me. Oh, you can call me petty; I get that but right is right.

If I had my way....

• Everyone would greet their co-workers with a cheerful "Good morning!"
• Everyone would acknowledge the people around them.
• When your co-worker left work, he or she would call out to you, "Have a great day!" Or at least a quick, "See ya."
• Your boss wouldn't take your idea, rework it a bit, and call it her/his own.
• No company could outsource to anywhere just because they can save a few bucks.
• CEO's, despite working for a "private" company, could NOT make more in a year what the collective staff makes in a year.
• People were not in it for the money. Doctors were in it to help people; senators were in it to make a difference, teachers were in it to teach.
• The VP of your company would take you out for lunch on your birthday.
• Creativity would be encouraged even if it wasn't on your job description.

Something is Clearly Wrong with Me

Okay, I'm the first to admit, I'm cheap. I've said it before, and I'll say it again but something clearly must be wrong with me because I think it's a shame that people even consider spending over $30 on a concert ticket.

I am floored to see that one ticket to Rod Stewart costs $125. Oh, but when you order them online there's a $3 Building Facility charge and $14.05 "convenience Charge" -whatever that is. Come on people! I like Rod. I remember, years ago, my best friend Lori was dating Paul and there was another girl named Sherri who hung around us and Lori would sing about the "big breasted lady with the dutch accent" who tried to change Paul's point of view. Rod was a big part of my teen years but, come on $143! Surely, I can't be the only one with this mentality? No?

I asked a co-worker today. She said, "well all the entertainers charge a lot." Okay then they're all money hungry capitalists. I know it cost a lot to put on a great show and they all want to be "entertainer of the year" but give me a break. What happened to being a performer for the thrill of the crowd? Aw....it makes me nut. I think they should be all ashamed of themselves. Aren't we in a recession? Isn't money suppose to be tight?

$143 is actually the lowest; the nosebled section of the Ford Center. That's just crazy to me.

What's the matter with me?

I go to work and all day I think, "if I only were home, I could learn something on the computer or I could write or I could clean!" I think this all day long and then when I get home, I have no interest in doing any of it. I want to eat, watch a little TV, check my email, maybe play a game on Myway.com. Then there's the things I HAVE to do, dishes, shower, get my clothes ready for the next day, clean a little, make my lunch for tomorrow. And it's time for bed.

Aaaaaaghhhhhh! It's so frustrating. I'm dead tired right now; not to mention I took a Darovet for my back. It's almost 9pm. Yeah! I can hit the hay soon...completing unsatisfied at what I haven't accomplished....but sleep nonetheless.

Gawd, I'm so boring!

Something to Celebrate!!!!

My mama and her twin were borne today 72 years ago! For the first time in over 20 years, they are celebrating together in heaven. I'm celebrating on earth...sending both of them my happy wishes.

I believe they are happy, happy to be in each other's company once again.

This picture was taken before they went to their prom.

This one when they were kids.

And so it goes....

To my Blog readers, both of you, thanks for reading. I have nothing new to tell you. Still hoping an employer hires Phil to do the antiqued COBOL programming he learned in the early 90s. Surely someone out there needs help programming on a mainframe, no? Surely God will help us find our way.

It's so weird without football. I'm so sad it's over. Yeah, I know, the big one is next week but then that's it. I don't get excited about the Probowl either. Football watching was fun...back in the day when my husband was employed and the biggest decision we needed to make was what to pick up to eat before kick off. I'm just a simple girl who enjoys a steady income.

Well, that's all for now.

Life, Jobs, Weather

Okay...still unemployed; still hurting from the revelation that we put all our eggs in the Hertz basket and that was wrong....wrong, like merengue on chocolate pie. I have decided to believe that it will indeed all work out. I was facing a black cloud that scared the bejesus out of me so I'm running like a crazy person in the other direction.

We had the threat of severe weather. Earlier this week all the local weatherman insisted we were going to get a lot of snow...record breaking....didn't happen. I'm happy for that. I wonder if Rick Mitchell, my favorite weatherman, is sitting around shaking his head, saying, "I really thought we were going to get hit. I can't believe I was so far off. I'm such a failure."

Keeping your head above water

It's not so easy. There are times when all I want to do is sleep. Finding a job isn't hard; finding a job that pays is. Phi's working on it the best he can. There's just so much to think about and decide. What to do about insurance? Should we move back to NY; move in with my dad. It might help him too. I feel we need to do it now, while money is still coming in.

Counting Our Blessing

Okay...I lost my dog on Friday. I had to put her down. My husband lost his job on Friday too. My dad is scheduled for triple bypass heart surgery tomorrow and I can't be there. Serious, life altering events all happening at once. Feels really weird...like are we getting all the bad stuff out of the way.

I feel good to have made a decision today. I hate to do it, but I dropped my class. I just didn't think I could focus on it. Plus the $400+ will come in handy. So many things to think about...insurance, being able to pay our bills...it's mind boggling. I need a sleeping pill.

It could be worse. At least Phil got severance and vacation pay. As my mama always said, "it's going to all work out."

Our Scruffy Girl

May she rest in peace.

Hertz sucks

I know that's harsh but they do. My husband worked for them for almost 10 years. They were the reason why we moved to OK. On Friday, Phil stopped to pick up donuts on his way to work because it was his turn. Before he could get to his desk, the head honcho waylaid him to his office where he told Phil he no longer had a job.

Phil just got a raise and a promotion in November! Talk about building a false sense of security! Holy crap. His bosses watched as he packed up his desk and then they escorted him to his car. Now, Phil was not alone. Tens of Hertz employees were let go yesterday. This really sucks.

It's a good thing Hertz is a big contributor to the United Way because many of those who were "laid off" might need their services.

New Year

Okay....here we go again. My head is swimming with ideas of things I should do or not do for the New Year. If you think about all the things you have to do everyday...or are suppose to do everyday...when can you sleep?

Here is an example of what everyone is suppose to do each day:

Bathe/shower: brush 3x/day: floss: drink 8 glasses of water; take their vitamins/pills; exercise - walk 1/2 hour per day; stretch; work, usually 8 hours per day; commute back and forth to work; eat three meals; prepare three meals; do the dishes; read the Bible or something inspirational; do some housework (it has to get done); do some home repair, prepare for the next day; learn something; sleep...6-8 hours.

Yeah, this is not true for everyone...some people have other people available to them to prepare their meals and do their housework, run their bath, drive them to work. Or some don't work or some work at home. All in all....there's just too much.

I want to learn something every day. I signed up for online computer training...cost my employer almost $300 but when is there time? Plus, everyone needs some time to just do something fun and a waste of time...for me it is play Pop Drop at myway.com. The game is stupid as I don't win anything...not really and it's time consuming...time better spent elsewhere. I usually only play one game a day and I'm usually on the phone or listening to a TV program.

This leads me to another thing..TV. Who really has the time? I watch a few shows but mostly I listen to them while I'm making my meals, working on the computer, folding laundry.

I can not imagine having kids. Gawd, where do these people find the time. My brother has two kids and he's constantly going... a lot more than I would if I had kids. (He had to end our conversation once because his 11 year old son wanted apple cider and he had to drive to a store to get it for him. Yeah, like that would happen if I was the parent. He says it's different when you have them...you do things you would swear you won't if you didn't have kids and were imaging you had them.)

I guess I really need to resolve to not sleep so much. Let's see if that happens.

Christmas Eve

Okay, here we are again. Another Christmas Eve. Phil and I have watched football today...Bills are out of it as they lost. Oh well. Phil is making pumpkin pie. We will go to church tonight for the candlelight service. I wonder if the preacher will tell a charming Christmas story of his adventures the last few weeks where he found the true meaning of Christmas in the most unlikely of places. He tells one each year but they are not stories where he actually was the partipate but he will say he is. Seems to be to be wrong. (See my post from last Christmas Eve.) At least it is to me.

There is no snow here in Oklahoma...this isn't so unusual. There is also no snow back home in Western New York which is downright weird. Not having a white Christmas there seems sacreligious. As wrong as narrating a Christmas story that didn't happen to you....but less consequential.

I have much to be thankful for...I have been blessed. Yes, my mother is not here on this earth anymore and that pains me so, but all in all, life is good. Any troubles I may have can be best summed up by the words of my mama..."it will all work out." I truly believe her.

This is my first post on this new beta Google version. I'm not sure what the difference is. Guess I'll see when I post.

To my loyal readers..both of you....Merry Christmas!

Ambivilence

Oklahoma got hit with a snow storm. I wanted to go to work...got up early, dressed in long johns and jeans..packed up lunch and bag...opened up the garage....went out to get the paper...slipped and slide across the drive-way...called my boss. She said she was going. I really wanted to go...but then I thought better of it. The thing is, I really feel bad about it...like I petered out on my employer. Turns out, my boss never made it in either.

Tomorrow is still iffy. The drive way has about 6 inches of snow...more in drifted areas. I need to get out but I might get stuck. I think I'm TOO committed to my employer...not good for my well being.

Presumption

I am amazed sometimes at how wrong I can be about people.

My friend a work, D, has been dating a man for over a year. I had never met him or seen pictures of him. For the past year, he was sent her flowers, a lot of flowers. One day he sent five dozen roses. It was huge...very beautiful. The frequency is sporatic...one week, it's every day; the next time will be a month later for three days. D has told me stories of trips she has gone on with him..to see Elton John in Tennessee (or some place, can't remember but they had to fly there). He has surprised her on a number of occasions, no doubt more than I know about. I know this man owns his own business. These are the things I know about him. For some reason, based on this knowledge I had envisioned a "white collar" kind of guy; a man who gets a manicure; a man of average height and weight. I don't know why. D has never shared any physical description with me. I just jumped to my own conclusions.

Yesterday, since my husband went home to be with his mom for the holiday, I went to D's house for Thanksgiving dinner. I pulled into the driveway. A rather large man was sitting there and D came out of the house to greet me. I asked her, "is this your brother?" She says, "no this is Tom!" This man was exactly the opposite of what I imaged. Like I said he was big, no doubt over 6'2" and probably running 250lbs. I only hoped I covered by shock enough. Now, don't get me wrong...him being big isn't the issue here. The issue is how I came up with my illusion of what I thought he'd be. I just never imaged her with a man three times her size.

It just threw me.

What the &@#^

There are certain things that can make you swear. I don't like to swear but people are just so friggin' weird, you have no choice. Take yesterday. I work for a company that is divided into four departments: HS, PC, BI and ADMIN. I asked one of the VPs, H, in PC this question,

"If PC was a sleigh, what would you name it?" I could see the gears rolling around in her mid-aged mind. And I thought she was working on a name but out of her mouth came, "I don't know what you're after and I...I just can't go there." Like I had asked her if she enjoyed her "busines trip" (wink) with Bill the other VP. (We have a ton of VPs..of course I'm not one of them.)

Now if you think my question was weird, well you got to know me and she should. I'm the creative one of the company, the one who comes up with cute get well cards for fellow co-workers who are sick and distributes them around the office for signatures. I'm the jokester.

I know, people are different..and that's what makes life so interesting, blah blah blah. But there is different and there is just plain wrong. Like Saddam Husain..we could just say he's different and appreciate those qualities in him that make our life interesting. Thank God we don't and I don't mean to compare H to Hussain because if there were a scale of wrongness, he would be a 10 and she would be a .025. But really I don't think my question was so bazzare she couldn't answer it. I posed it to R in my department and he came up with a few names for our sleigh.

Oh and by the way, the reason for the question is because I'm writing a poem for the Christmas party in December...kind of a parody of T'was the Night before Christmas. This is if I can get some friggin input from people in other departments.

Also, i posed this question to H while standing in the reception area and the receptionist over heard me. She had this split second to decide who to take alliance with and of course she choose the VP. Her comeback to me in H's defense was, "Oh, I think you have too much time on your hands." To which H replied, I'd have to agree" This infuriated me and I wanted to say, "if I had more time I could do this on my own, you friggin morons." But I didn't. I left before they knew I was upset.

This upsets me more...knowing I can't control myself from getting upset. The more upset I get, the more upset I get. I know it's so stupid. It's really not even worth the time to blog about it but still I get upset. Basically, I'm mad at myself for being upset. Aw...I need to see a shrink, I know because at that point I can totally understand why people bring guns to work and torment their co-workers. Not that I would do it but I certainly can understand it. I understand the tormenting part....not the kiling part, so I've decided that makes me a better person than them, no?

Anyway, I've cooled down. Took my lunch hour early and bought a new dignital camera. Nothing can apeas you more than spending money you actually have.

Office Happiness

There's this quote taped to my "awfical" (office + cubical = offical but in my case it's "awfical) that reads:

"The people with whom you work reflect your own attitute. If you are suspicious, unfriendly and condescending, you will find these unlovely traits echoed all about you. Buf if you are on your best behavior, you will bring out the best in the persons with whom you are going to spend most of your waking hours."

Well, it's obviously fallen on blind eyes. I mean would it kill you to say "hello" in the morning? Yeah, we're all very busy. Not good enough.

Time is up; gotta run.

Where have I been, you wonder?

Okay loyal blog fans...both of you...I'm here, finally. The summer is almost over. Actually calendarwise it is over today. Yeah. We made it through the 106 degree days. This is not to say it won't happen...Theoretically it could. I've been looking so forward to fall, to football, to the death of those annoying crickets or whatever they are that live in the trees and make a ton of noise, to the end of basking in my own sweat. I will miss leaving the house each morning in a short sleeve shirt and not worrying about whether or not I will need a sweater. (Well, w/ AC you always need a sweater but I keep one at the office for that reason.) Life is good.

Missing my mom is my favorite pastime still. I was especially taken back when the Buffalo Bills won last Sunday. This is the first season without her to root on "her boys". They won and my first inclination was to call her. Crap.

I have removed myself from my job. My boss says in reference to my job, that "the job is what the job is." I've been at it for over seven years and I have been trying to make more out of it than it is. I want to "own" the job when in reality the best I could hope for is to "rent" the job. It's a job not a career. So, I do not put in more time than required, I do not donate any of my time, I walk out the door and don't look back. Until the next day. This is how they want it; this is how it is.

I'm going to watch a movie.

Thinking of my momma

It's still so hard for me. I remember a time, not too long ago, where I had convinced myself that because of my mom's drinking I wouldn't feel bad or miss her when she died. I convinced myself to believe that drinking was the reason why her bones were so brittle and she knew this going in and she was doing this to herself. This meant, her having some control over, her death would be partly her fault so I wouldn't miss her. Well, I was wrong. Big time wrong. Not a day goes by where I wish I could call her; just to chat...talk about nothing. We did that so well together. This sucks.

Fun at work...or not

I went to work today. I'm not allowed to put in more than five hours of OT each week. I hit the fifth hour last night. I brought work home and while doing it, I kept thinking I should go to work even though I don't get paid for it. I mean a sense of accomplishment is worth something, right? So I went in. I was totally alone. It wasn't fun and I have decided that if I'm not going to get something out of it, I'm not going to do it. I'd like to think that comtributiong to the cause is enough, but no one is going to know I was even there and if I have to say something to someone, that doesn't make me a good person. It's like I'm looking for approval.

During the work week, I'm not supposed to be doing photocopying or even writing letters because TPTB want to get that kind of work to someone else, someone who happens to have a few spare minutes to do MY work. This is to free me up to do more data entering. The problem with this is that there are so many variations to the work, so many things to watch out for while doing it but there isn't enough time to show someone these things. It's faster to do it myself than to train someone else who has their own work to do. It's human nature to not want to be as anal with someone else's work than your own. You do the best you can but there isn't time to understand why you need to do it a certain way.

There is a ton of filing to do; a ton of files that need to be pulled. I have pulled a ton already...A-S is done. I've done this on my own time and this project hasn't been too bad because I love seeing the finished product. I have been working on this project for over a year, of course I'm going to want to see it come to a close. That, too, is human nature.

My biggest fear is that my boss "D" will tell my co-worker "J", who is a salary employee that she needs to come in on a Saturday and have this filing boxing party. She'll tell J to bring in her 9 year old daughter, they will order a pizza, play the forbidden radio and have fun getting the job done. This will piss me off because I want this so much; to feel like this major conributer to "the cause"; to be recognized as a team player. But, if she invited me, she'd have to pay me and shw won't do that.

Truth be told, I wouldn't mind doing work without getting paid for it monetarily, but I want something...a feeling of community working towards something, a free lunch, a feeling of something more than what I have. Crap. I don't know if I'll ever find that.

Fortunately, life goes on.

And so it goes

I'm not being too successful in my quest to become connected. I haven't distributed the flyers for my Resident Association yet. I think I'm really afraid of being poo-pooed. I've been getting a lot of that lately. For some reason it seems to be magnified.

I called a church near my home and left a message that said who I was, and that I as interesting in knowing more about their church and would the minister please call me. This was three weeks ago. Still no call. I want to call back and say, "if I don't hear from you, I'll assume you have enough parishions and just have no room at the inn." No pun intended.

I enrolled in a class at UCO because I figured it was time I get my act together and go back. I believe I have only two classes left. I also booked a flight home around my class....before it started even though Phil wasn't able to go with me. Well, my boss tells me today I can't do it. The class is only offered during the day and she can't spare me two hours a week. I wanted to say, "if you can sleep at night knowing you are stunting my academic growth, okay."

She also make it clear she wasn't happy with my booking a flight before consulting with her. She kept saying, "Well, I hate to make you lose money because I can't let you go." As if I'd ever allow that to happen...like she was really in control of my destiny. I think if she said I couldn't go I would have told her, "well than Friday the 12th of August will be my last day. I'm giving you six weeks notice." I think I would have said it. Maybe not.

Life Goes On

It's been a while since I wrote here. I started a new blog where I write to my momma. It's kind of like when I used to call her every day or she'd call me. I just want to tell her the stuff going on inside my head. Sometimes it's a lot, sometimes not so much.

If there's one thing I have decided since losing her is that I want to be connected. I hate that I don't know my neighbors, that I don't have that sense of community in my life. I am trying to start a Resident Association. I am also thinking about joining a church.

I made up a flyer to hand out to my neighbors. Maybe I'll do it tomorrow. I'm little apprehensive about it though. I'm so afraid of not getting a warm, happy reaction. Guess I don't take reject well. The problem with finding a church, and I've talked about this before, is that I have no interest in learning the Bible. None. I just want to be a good person who meets up with good people who do constructive things for people. Maybe I need to join a volunteer program. I don't know.

Life has been so different without my momma to talk to. Planning a trip home doesn't have the same urgency as it used to. I guess that's normanl.

Mary Mollie- My momma

  

Letting Go

My momma is gone. She died on Friday morning, May 19th at 1:05am. I have so much to say and so much I want to avoid getting into. It has been a rollercoaster ride the psst few days...emotionally, mentally and even physically.

I got to the ICU at the hospital at 1am on the 18th. Jim was saying how bad she looked. I guess I was expecting worse that what she was. She did not look good, this is true. By now, they had removed her teeth. She talked to me in little snibetts of info. She knew I was there. Mostly she sleep so Jim and I left to go to his house to sleep. In the morning, we all met up at her station in the ICU. We told her that we wanted her to be out of pain; they it could be done; that we could take her off the medicine that was keeping her blood pressure up and all other medicines that were bascially substaining her and then we could give her something for the pain that would make her more comfortable. She replied a few minutes later, "so I'm going to just go?" I believe it was a question and not a statement. We told her yes. We asked, do you want to be out of pain. Her reply was, "yes" but I'm not totally convinced she wanted to "just go." I think she was still mulling it over in her drug induced mind. The hospital people wasted no time in getting mom disconnected from everything..all the monitors and such. It was almost like they had someone waiting to use the bed. Mom said, "I want to say something." We waited as she conjured up the words. "Thank you for being my family." All of us lost it at this point.

More later.

The System of Pain

There is a serious flaw in the system of pain; in particular, how it is dispersed. There are two ways it can be done. First, it should be distributed based on the goodness of the person. The better a person you are, the less pain you recieve. Now, I know, not having pain is a bad thing...pain does have it's advantages because it tells you when to stop bending your finger back or pulling on your eye lid. It also tells you when to seek medical attention. Pain should be limited, however, when the receptant is a 71 year old woman who has never hurt a flea. Sadam Husain would be a good example of someone who is in chronic, never ending pain. Murders, rapists, pediphils too. If this were the way it was, we wouldn't need a court system to bring them to justice, justice would be served on its own. Also, the news headlines would be a vehicle for which we can get our info on who has been bad. This would in turn deter potentially bad people from being bad.

Another way pain could be distributed would be based on how insurance is structure. For example, once you had reached your deductible of pain, you will only have to endure 20% of it. This way, you are not constantly in pain and you can say, "I have had enough" and it would be true.

I believe in God but I have to say (and please God, it's not really a criticm..more like an observation) some of the things he has come up with are flawed and you wouldn't expect that from him. Afterall he's God.

Mom, work, my back

So much is going on lately. I haven't blogged because not all is good. Mom is in rehab. I wish it was a drug addiction. It's for her legs...well she was hoping to learn to walk again. You know it is true, you do need to "use it or lose it." The PT people there were really pushing her even though it hurt. She was pushing herself too. Then they decided to x-ray her. And they find her hip is broken! They did surgery on that on Monday but before she went under the doctor tells her that she most likely has bone cancer. He gives her 2 months to 2 years. "This is a big blow," she tells me before the surgery, "but I have to do the surgery because I want to walk." She is deternmined. The surgeon wasn't quit so "doom and gloom" but we are still waiting on the biopsy. She's tough, I know. She says she wants to fight.

After the surgery she was in a lot of pain. They put a plate in her hip and some bolts and screws. Mom is full of metal now. No MRI's for her. She's back in rehab now. She says her pelvis hurts more than her hip. My fear of losing her is not as strong as my desire for her to be out of pain or at least let it be minimal.

My brother and family have been planning a trip here since last April. Mom tells them to go. This is normally a good thing. I want them here but I also want to go home. I have booked a flight after they leave. I need to see her!

Work is very busy but I am not minding it. I really am not. I'm going in tomorrow. There is so much I can get done, especially on a Sunday. I have a lot I want to get done before may family arrives and before I leave for NY.

My back/hip problems are muscular not osteo...like my mom's. Well, my bones are thinning but that is under control. (Of course, if I could give up the coke I'd be better off.) I had an MRI. I will be going back to PT and also massage therapy. That is good.

That's all.