February 27th, 2005

Josette died last week. They said it was a heart condition; the same thing her husband died of at 40 some years old. Josette was 42. They had two little girls. I still can not believe she is gone. I have not spoken to her in years, but now I know I had relished in the idea that I could if I wanted to. Upon further review, it was determined that it was not a heart condition but Josette's own need to find peace despite the consequences to her children. Jenny said she must not felt she had a choice. So many I have talked to have said they do not understand how she could do this to her children. All I can say, in Josette's defense, is that we do not know that dispare unless we have looked into that darkness and found no way out. I can remember a moment in my life 20 some years ago when I saw the darkness before me but I could not face it; I remember running as fast as I could the other way. It was like a ledge, a high dark ledge that has forever intensified my fear of heights and darkness. I agree with Jenny, Josette felt she had no choice...she got too close to the edge and could not make her way back. They say you will not go to heaven if you do what Josette did. I so hope God makes an exception. She was so sun shiny bright; so happy in her hey day. Please God take her in and embrass her.

February 8, 2005

Hey. I have my left hip on ice. I hope it helps the pain. Well, I also took a loratab (or however you spell it). It should kick in soon. It is almost Wednesday, Ash Wednesday, to be exactly. I have decided to give up phospheric acid...it's the carmel coloring you find in most cokes or brown drinks. It's not good for your bones and I think my back problems are linked to too much coke. I could be doing too much coke....really! I will be drinking more water which is definately a good thing. Phil thinks I will be grumpy so I have to make a conscience effort to not be grumpy too. I told him, "I'm not giving up caffeine." Hopefully I can do it. It just that coke or diet coke is such a treat for me. Oh well. We will see.

School is good. Work is good. I love the structure of work. I look forward to it since I decided to change my attitude. Debi said, "the job is what the job is." and she is right. I'm going to go to work, do my job the best I can and leave. Overtime has been cut. Poor Liz..Debi is piling the work on her so I don't do any OT. She is fnally saying "enough is a enough." I'm glad for that.