First Class

I had my first class today in Women in Media. The first class is usually the "get to know" you class, where the instructor asks each of the students to say a little bit about themselves.

I always have such palpatations about doing this. You really want to make a good impression because it's so hard to change it later. As students are talking my brain is reeling, as I write down notes of what to say. In my head, I think what I am going to say is pretty humorous, but for some reason this is not how it comes out. I don't know why. I'm not good at winging it.

Of course, my desire to be liked is so counter productive. I think people sense this need. I might come across as needy.

The class is supported by a compilation book the instructor put together It is a heat bound volume of reprints of magazine articles. Due to copyright issues, she can not just copy and distribute them. I get that. But...the bookstore charges almost $80 for it. This is a book that has absolutely no resale value.

As I left, I asked four girls if they were going to buy it and if I could photocopy it, I'd pay them $30. No one would look at me. They discussed doing this for each other and one girl said she would make me a copy. I just didn't' feel like she was really sincere. Why wouldn't she look at me and acknowledge that she understood my need for a copy? I had to reiterate my request twice and apologize for being so anal about it. It was like I was invisible. I left there wondering if I was going to be getting a copy. I still really don't know for sure.

Now, after this, I am thinking I need to drop the class. There's this big group project at the end of the semester and I am terrified my group will be like these four girls were...like I won't be a part of it really...just that little match girl who looks in the window at the party going on but who is never really invited to join in. I know these are just silly insecurities but there are real.

Well, see.

Happy New Year!

Ok..here it is. The first day, okay evening, of 2006. Yeah. I'm off to a good start on my Life writing ritual...one of my resolutions. I have others. I think I have too many. Here they are:

• Be more diligent about my calcium supplement and my eye drops.


• Drink more water - (I bought a 24 pack of 20 oz bottles today and I drank a whole bottle...it's a start)


• Learn my new software - (I got a couple chapters done in Creating a Newsletter in Indesign


• Be more organized, especially at work -(I was in yesterday and I cleaned up the dust bunnies behind my monitor and organized some files...I felt good when I left there.)


• Not sleep so much so I have time to be more productive...(okay, that hasn't happened a lot but..well there's hope. I did accomplish a bit today.)


• Eat better (okay, hasn't happened but it will.)


• Exercise more

(You should know, I did the HTML on this list without looking at how to do it. Good, huh?)