Choices

We all make choice. Each day you make a hundred.

• Should I make the right on red or wait until the light turns green?
• Should I bring my lunch to work or go out?
• Should I take an umbrella?
• Should I wear heels?
• Should I go on the turnpike?

See there's five and I haven't even got to work.

Of course there are bigger ones to make - go to college, get married, get involved with someone, have an affair, or not; end an affair.

My problem is when those who need to make a choice, don't...they sit on it and you can't do anything. And your life hangs in the balance. Decide already...okay.

Update on my dad

It appears that the cancer is contained only in the bladder. We hadn't gotten the official word from someone, say a doctor...but the nurses at Roswell Cancer Institute say the scan "looked good." They release my dad on Saturday...sent him packing with a prescription and his very own cathader to collect all his pinkish pee. Yikes....now there's TMI. The hope now is he can get in soon to have the aneurism fixed, recover from that and then take the bladder.

He's doing okay but a bit, understandably, apprehensive.

Still listening

The Book of Joe on CD is my first book that I'm having read to me. I'm really liking this concept. I just started the third disk with Chapter 11. I probably could read faster but I'm listening while driving so, since laws and the distraction of driving hinders reading, I'm multi-tasking. I am sure I will do this again with another book. Maybe Eddie's Bastard....I loved that book.

At lunch I was going to go the mall but decided to just drive to Taco Bueno for a Bob. I took the long way just so I could listen more.

I love his descriptions but I am not sure the average person takes in all that he's describing unless they are going to write about it. Lunch is almost over....gotta go.

I'm my Parent's Daughter

My dad is very sick. He has bladder cancer and he lies in a bed at a cancer center in Buffalo. He had a tumor removed in the fall and now, he just had another taken out today. It's bad. He's not really healthy enough to have the bladder removed, which would be the best thing. They are running scans right now to see if the cancer has spread. I'm home, here in OK, prayer with all my might that it hasn't.

I want to get on a plane to go see him. I know there are a lot of people who would just go....just book a flight regardless of the cost and go. I am my mother's daughter and my father's daughter...there is no doubt about it. I'm on the net comparing prices and trying to decide when to leave. If I leave tomorrow its almost $900. If I leave on Sunday, it's under $300. I just don't know what to do. I'm waiting for my brother to call with more info. I just don't know what to do.

I'm in that kind of mood

I'm listening, in the car for the past four trips somewhere, to a book on CD. It's The Book of Joe by Jonathan Trooper. I've read the book...actually read it...a couple years ago. It's been long enough that I really don't know what is going to happen as I listen. I have a vague recollection of there being a Mrs Robinson kind of thing going and I think someone dies. I'm not sure.

Anyway, it's got me in this frame of mind where as I write this I can hear the narrator speaking my words in my head just like he reads Troopers. It's weird. I really hear him. Trooper writes well and I find myself saying...I can do this....I can rely my life in the same manner; I can put words together in a crafty way where they sound plausible, funny with a bit of familiarity. I can have snappy answers in my dialog of my story too.

For example, yesterday, I saw someone taking a rather large piece of birthday cake out of the kitchen. I had to make a conscience effort to not say what was running though my head....I bit my lip. It was good but the urge to say, "that's a mighty big piece of cake for someone on a diet" hung in the air as he waddled out of the room. I could almost feel him wish to not have me there to witness this transaction; a sort of hesitation with doing it with a desire to say, "f-you, I'm hungry for something sweet. F the diet too" and continuing with the confection get away.
There...that is very Trooperish.

I'm working on a short story, hopefully for True Story magazine. This story does not have the same tone as The Book of Joe. It's really pretty bad in that it's not deep with detail and the flow of the story is a bit choppy. You don't have to describe every single thing...just give the essence and move on.

We'll see.

I didn't think it could happen....

...but apparently it did. I have recieved some information today that clearly states I, yes me...yes little ol me, have cornered the market on words! It's true. All the words that are spoken or written in a blog belong to me! No one else is allowed to use them because they are MINE! I find this a little hard to believe because I know in my heart of hearts, I really don't matter.

I know that may be hard to hear but it's true. I am not a bleep on anyone's radar screen...well except for my husband and my family. If I am to speak of you; or describe an occurance that you were party to...you as the reader have absolutely no recourse. You can't comment on what I have said because to do so would mean you are using words and we all know, now, that those words belong to ME!

I suppose this is why YOU don't comment. Apparently that memo went around but no one cc'ed me until now. Now I get it.

Should I take this time to say, I reliquish my hold on all words? As of now, you can comment and I promise, I will not delete your comment unless you are spamming me. It's okay...I give up my corner of the market. You can also set up your own blog and tell stories of what happened with whomever...even me. I'll let you. There you have permission. Use the words and use them wisely. Even though they are not limited and there are more words out there if you just look. They are everywhere! I swear!

On feeling Productive

There's nothing like it; working on your work and seeing the fruits of your labor blossom into a bountiful harvest. Okay, that's a tad dramatic I honestly feel like I'm contributing....like what I'm doing matters. I don't know why.

I actually didn't want to leave. I had so much I wanted to get done and every now and then an email or a phone call would take me away from my objective and steer me in a different direction for a short time. Then I'd make my way back to what I wanted to do. I actually clocked out before I was done, but kept on working.

I really like it when work is fun.

Edna, Andrea and Me

Here is Edna and her daughter Andrea.

Edna is such a great gal. I'm blessed to have gotten to know her.

And me and Andrea. That picture was taking while holding the camera in front of us and just hoping for the best. Andrea is such a cutie.

I'm free....

Such a bell rings through me! I feel so free. You see, I had this presentation to do with three other students in our class. We choose Music Labels and Music Artists. On top of the Power Point presentation, we had to write a 16 page report on the subject. It's all I've been focusing on for the last three weeks. (Well, the occasional look into the meaning of life did get in the way.) But it's all done!!!!! I could dance a jig! I just might.

Now I can clean my house, write that short story and figure out a way to keep track of all the things I do at work! I'm so psyched!

Questions in Life

There's a show on ABC called Men in Trees. It's about a relationship-advice guru writer named Marin Frist, who moves to Alaska after finding out her fiance was cheating on her. She has a radio talk show where she ponders different questions.

My last post was taken in the same vane. But here is another...

When do you call a person you know "a friend?" How much do you need to know before you are "friends?" The show touched on this a little last week when the one character, Cash, needed a kidney. A man, Terri, stepped up for him and he felt because of this donation they were now instant friends. Cash apparently, at first didn't see it this way. Of course, to make the story flow nicely he came around. But there was one interesting quote Terri said, "Friends are aware of another's feeling." Yes, this is TV but life does imitate art. And visa versa.

I know the waitress at Texas Roadhouse last night is not my friend even though we exchanged pleasantries and revealed little pieces of ourselves. I do think the moment you ask someone a fairly personal question (and no, not how do I like my steak cooked) and you receive a fairly detailed answer you are friends.

I'll have more Marin Frist type questions as time goes on. Stay tuned.

Starting Over

How many times do YOU reinvent yourself? It seems I am doing this every four or five months. Something happens that is not a positive occurance which I think I need to rise above. I put on my "big girl panties" and deal. Or at least I try. I'm not always successful.

I think the best you can do is look at all what is good in your world. Some say if you're breathing that is all that matters. Do you ever look at your life and wonder if anyone would want it? Who would want your life? This can get kind of depressing when the best you can come up with is a homeless person with a life altering disease. Yes, it can always get worse.

I have issues I need to address. I used to think blogging about them would help and I still believe this but it might not be in the best interest of those in my life....of those who can not understand or begin to understand.

Depression is a tricky thing. Putting on your big girl panties just doesn't work. The woman's magazines will list helpful answers to what to do when you're feeling a little blue. Things like buy an new address book and rewrite the addresses leaving out the people who have disappointed you. Or rent a funny movie. Or make voodoo dolls and stick pins in them. Sorry....this is fine if you boyfriend just broke up with you and a pint of Hagan Daas isn't working. But true depression doesn't work that way.

I do thank my lucky stars that I have this amazing husband who is constantly reminding me how much he loves me. I have a wonderful job that pays me a decent salary (not that I would turn down more). Although my family is not here, I know they are there for me if I needed them. Aside from some back pain, I'm healthy enough to do what I need to do to make a living, go to school and travel when I need to. I have a working car that I need new tires for. I have this great little dog. And I have a God who watches over me and those I care about. Life is good.

I have readers!

A little birdy tells me that I do indeed have an audience!

I'm so excited about this. All this time I thought no one even knew I existed. I was thinking I need to spice this blog up a bit....you know like the local news stations do. During sweeps week, they have more explicit topics to discuss...like "porn in the pews" and "Strippers doing charity work" and "Interviews with Hooter Girls." Guess this won't be necessary. I say, Welcome to my Blog! I hope you enjoy it.

Life is good!