Shouldn't I?

Since I don't have any kids and ultimately no grand kids, shouldn't I be successful? I mean really successful? Like a doctor or a lawyer or CEO of something? Isn't making a great living, for a woman, the opposite of motherhood? Yes, yes yes...there are women who "have it all"; a great career which they juggle w/ motherhood. But, ultimately, the career gets put on hold if they kids are in need of the mother. This is how it should be. So if I don't have kids, I should be making a ton of money to compensate. I don't. This is sad..but true and I'm too tired to say why....for now.

First Week Down

Wow...I worked a whole week at my new job. By the end of Tuesday I was already thinking "weekend." Finally it is here.

How do I like my new job? Well, there's this huge learning curve...not just the work either. I have to learn passcodes and passwords and my way to the ladies' room. I have to learn where the mail goes, who does what, who to email when this happens, who to not email, the procedure to get white out, how to enter my time in and what my job title and phone number is. I can honestly tell you I don't know what my new phone number is. I have to look it up. I have to look up my password to get into the system. They tell me what it is and it's one of these PWs you can't remember like "tc42i01"...no rhyme, no reason (that isn't my password, in case you think it is). I'm learning the people...this is hard. There is so many faces and names to remember. Plus you have to learn about them..if not acknowledging your existance is really a sign they don't like you or just their normal disposition.

So far so good. There are pluses to this job over my old job but there are negatives too. I used to complain about my "Awfical" now I don't have one...I have an office...that I share with three other ladies. Fortunately, so far, none of them have annoying snorting habits or stink excessively. The breaks are designated and the smokers go right by our office, like cattle crossing to get to the outdoors. Fifteen minutes later, they are back reeking of cigarette smoke and sweat.

But, all in all...it is good. The work is challendging; probably would be more if my new boss gave it to me at once. I'm happy she is rationing it out as I get more comfortable. I'm not overwhelmed...just whelmed. LIfe is good.

Letting Go

Yesterday was my last day of work at a place I had worked at for over eight years. I don't know what the average tenure is at a job, but I think eight years is a long time. I've made some great connections, some great friends...friends in the sense that we like each other, value what we each bring to the workplace, trust one another to be fair and recognize that we are different but basically want the same thing.

Before I left I had 3 and a half days to give my replacement a crash course in her new duties. Trust me when I say, this is not near long enough. There are so many aspects to the job; so many ways to do things in the event this happens or that happens or if nothing happens. You are so dependant on the other side -send out the forms and the reciever needs to complete them correctly and completely and although we are dealing with highly educated people, what does come back isn't always correct or complete. So on to Plan B. In this job you can be up to Plan H before you can say, "okay that's that...time to move on."

I think maybe I'm overly responsible. Is there such a thing? Maybe it's part of my OCD. A disability perhaps. (Can I get Federal aid?) I have a hard time letting go. I talked to my replacement a few times today and I was happy she accepted by offer to call me. She is overwhelmed and I don't blame her. So much to know; so much I know that took me eight years to understand. I won't object to go in tomorrow afternoon...for the definate last time. But that's up to management. I made the offer; whatever they decide is the best way. My brother says I'm trying to empty out the Pacific Ocean with a bucket. I see his point but I want to feel like I've left this job in the best possible state. I don't fool myself into believing I could leave it caught up. It's one that is never done.

Drug Testing

I had to have a physical for my new job. I also had to have a drug test. This was an interesting experience. I have never done this before. I didn't know know what to expect. They go to great lengths to make sure you don't cheat on the test. They turn the water off to the rest room, they make the toilet water blue. No one told me I was being timed. I'm not good under that pressure. It's hard enough to pee into a cup much less have to do it quickly. They give you four minutes...that's it. Talk about performance anxiety.

The first time I didn't pee enough. They want a good inch in the cup. That try was tossed and I had to do it again after the physical. I drank five glasses of water. After the physical, which consisted of 20 minutes of waiting for the doctor to come into the exam room, followed by a couple questions, and feel of my neck glands and a quick listen to the heart, I was dressed and into to the lobby to wait for "the urge."

I was out there for 10 minutes. I told them I was ready. Again, I had to leave my purse in one room, sign papers, get escorted to the lav; toilet water made blue, water shut off and the clock was ticking. This time I was very successful. It was like nursery school where I clapped at my performance and was so proud of myself. "Good girl!" Mission accomplished. Then I had to watch the tech put my labels on the viles (she had transfered the pee to them), watched her put the viles into a plastic bag and watch her seal the bag. Again, sign more papers and finally I was done. So happy with myself. :)

Inappropiate Disclosure

I gave notice at the job I've been at for over 8 years. Management finally got around to announcing it. It was making me nuts because for over 8 days I've had to keep this news to myself. I was asked to "not discuss it" with my co-workers, my friends, the people I've been sharing and being shared to with pieces of each other for a long time. It was so hard for me. I'm the best secret keeper, as long as they are other people's secrets. I'm not so good with my own though. Well, I can be but it kills me.

It reminds me of my youth, when I'd buy my brother a Birthday present and give it to him. I'd be busting at the seams waiting for him to open it; to share in my delight at finding a great gift. He knew it too. He'd say, "Oh, thanks, I'll open it later." It would make me nuts!

Finally the VP announces it to all at a staff meeting called just for this occassion. But not only does he tell them I'm leaving, he also shares with them the place I'm going to. Now, personally, I don't care if people know where I'm going; it's not like I just got hired at the adult bookstore down the street, but isn't that up to me? Shouldn't I be the one to tell them, if I choose, where I'm going? I wanted to blurt out, "I'll take Inappropiate Disclosure" for $500, Alex." But I didn't. I also wanted to say, "FINALLY, SOMETHING ABOUT ME!" It seems like he stoled that from me. Here was my time to have the attention of everyone in the room, as they sat on the edge of their seats (although we were all standing) and waited for me to drop the bomb. But it was snatched from me. Oh, you can call me petty; I get that but right is right.