Recently I have been reminded of a memory from my childhood. I must have been eleven or twelve. Gramma Kay, my mom's mom, was visiting from Florida. I rarely saw Gramma Kay but I was the granddaughter who wrote to her... a lot. Writing was my thing so that came easy to me. She sometimes marveled at my writing. I think that made this memory more vivid...I just didn't expect anything but warm acolades for my work.
I had tried something different. I took a beer bottle, one of those short brown glass bottles, and I painted it blue. After the paint had dried, I wasn't happy with the results so I smeared Elmer's Glue on it and took multi-colored blue yarn and laid rows and rows of it around the circumference of the bottle until I came to the top. I made a flower out of multi-colored tissues and I stuck the flower into the opening of the bottle. I then walked across the hall from my bedroom to Ed's room. Gramma Kay was staying in his room while she visited.
"Here, Gramma, I made something for you," I said smiling as I handed to her my creation.
It was a look of sheer displeasure on her face as she looked at it that is enbedded in my brain. This was not the reaction I had expected. Not at all.
"Well, thank you," she said as she took the bottle into her room.
There were no "this is lovely" or "for me? you shouldn't have." Nothing.
I don't think it surprised me to find the bottle in Ed's room after she left.
Now, I don't have grandchildren but I do have two nieces and a nephew. I am visiting them now. My one niece, Kate and her brother Jon, are going through a rather difficult time as their parents have split up.
I'm spending a lot of time at my dad's trying to get his house organized and in shape for when he gets out to the hospital. Last night Kate was suppose to return to his house to help me out. She did not. I told her I was mad and the tears started to flow. I was sad for having said this and upsetting her but I felt relieved to know I matter that much to her; that she still values my opinion. I know after Gramma Kay showed such disregard for my feelings, I didn't value her opinion much after that incident. I would hate for that to happen between me and Kate. I reassured her that I understand she is having a hard time and it was okay that she didn't feel like helping out. (My dad's house is such a mess, it is scaring. So I do understand.)
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Free Will
It's a strange concept...free will. Some think it refers to God. I suppose it does but it also doesn't have to. When you are born you have no free will. When you finally learn how to crawl, your mother stops you before you get too far. She puts childproof locks on all the lower cupboards so you can't get in them and taste the Ajax. She removes all of the chairs so you can't climb onto the cupboards and taste the Baileys.
If you want to play with a plastic bag, even though it clearly says on the bag, "this is not a toy," but you have a very attentive mom or dad, you can't play with the plastic bag. Sorry....your free will is limited.
As you grow you get more free will. Mom and dad think that by the time you're 12 you can cross the street without them (unless we're talking a major freeway, in which case you really shouldn't be crossing it because there's probably no need.) By the time you're 12, you also know that Ajax is poison and Baileys is only good at Christmas.
When you graduate from college and are out on your own, you have the most free will. You can stay out late, smoke cigarettes (if you're really stupid to start), swear, wear funky clothes and just do your own thing. You have to be law abiding, and hopefully courteous to your fellow man but you do have more free will.
When you start a job, though, you loose some free will because you might not be able to wear funky clothes to work unless you work in a funky clothes store or at an FM radio station. You can stay up late if you want but you will hate yourself for doing so the next day (or later on, in the event you don't have time to sleep before work starts). You can't sleep in late because your boss will only be understanding about those things so many times before he/she gives you back more of your free will.
When you get married, your free will is eliminated again because your spouse isn't going to be too happy with you seeing other people or staying away from home when there's laundry to fold and garbage to take out.
When you have kids your free will is almost totally removed from your life. No more coming home from work and watching Wheel of Forture while eating pizza from Dominos. No more just doing your thing unless you have parents who can take the kids for a little while while you and your spouse try to reconnect - which will generally turn into painting something in the house and child-proofing the cupboards where the Ajax is stored.
Maybe people don't realize that having kids means you put their happiness first....always! Not just sometimes..always. If you find out you're not happy...you need to redefine happiness within the new boundaries that you have established for yourself. We all make choices. If they're not the right ones, work with what you got. Of course, if you're being physically abused, by all means, get out - take the kids with you. But if it's just a matter of not connecting with your spouse, get over it.
It's way to much pressure to put on someone...to make them your everything. If he/she doesn't provide you with something you need...like talking about the political downfall of George Bush....and you really love talking about Bubba...find someone who likes to talk about him. It's okay. If you find you have little in common with your spouse, take what you have and exploit it. There's something in this person that you loved enough to marry. Hold onto it.
If you want to play with a plastic bag, even though it clearly says on the bag, "this is not a toy," but you have a very attentive mom or dad, you can't play with the plastic bag. Sorry....your free will is limited.
As you grow you get more free will. Mom and dad think that by the time you're 12 you can cross the street without them (unless we're talking a major freeway, in which case you really shouldn't be crossing it because there's probably no need.) By the time you're 12, you also know that Ajax is poison and Baileys is only good at Christmas.
When you graduate from college and are out on your own, you have the most free will. You can stay out late, smoke cigarettes (if you're really stupid to start), swear, wear funky clothes and just do your own thing. You have to be law abiding, and hopefully courteous to your fellow man but you do have more free will.
When you start a job, though, you loose some free will because you might not be able to wear funky clothes to work unless you work in a funky clothes store or at an FM radio station. You can stay up late if you want but you will hate yourself for doing so the next day (or later on, in the event you don't have time to sleep before work starts). You can't sleep in late because your boss will only be understanding about those things so many times before he/she gives you back more of your free will.
When you get married, your free will is eliminated again because your spouse isn't going to be too happy with you seeing other people or staying away from home when there's laundry to fold and garbage to take out.
When you have kids your free will is almost totally removed from your life. No more coming home from work and watching Wheel of Forture while eating pizza from Dominos. No more just doing your thing unless you have parents who can take the kids for a little while while you and your spouse try to reconnect - which will generally turn into painting something in the house and child-proofing the cupboards where the Ajax is stored.
Maybe people don't realize that having kids means you put their happiness first....always! Not just sometimes..always. If you find out you're not happy...you need to redefine happiness within the new boundaries that you have established for yourself. We all make choices. If they're not the right ones, work with what you got. Of course, if you're being physically abused, by all means, get out - take the kids with you. But if it's just a matter of not connecting with your spouse, get over it.
It's way to much pressure to put on someone...to make them your everything. If he/she doesn't provide you with something you need...like talking about the political downfall of George Bush....and you really love talking about Bubba...find someone who likes to talk about him. It's okay. If you find you have little in common with your spouse, take what you have and exploit it. There's something in this person that you loved enough to marry. Hold onto it.
Saturday, July 05, 2008
quotes that just stick with me
"Silence is golden but sometimes it's yellow!" I remember that quote from the original Password with Alan Ludden..when I was a kid. After every show Alan would say a quote he received in the mail from the "home audience." It's just kind of weird how some of the various lines I use today (yes, I didn't make them up) had come from my childhood TV watching.
"Spare me your poisonous barbs for your whims of humor fall on deaf ears." Guess who? Dr. Smith on "Lost in Space." Yeah...remember Promo the robot who kept saying "Warning warning!" and little Will?
"I could never be a nurse. I get whoosing looking at an open faced sandwich." Guess who? Norm on Cheers!
"I haven't been around but...I've been near by." Mary Richards on MTM Show.
"You're mildly unrepugnant." Diane referring to Sam on Cheers!
"He's as gay as a picnic basket." Sophia on The Golden Girls.
Oh, and I lifted this one off my sixth grade English assignment..."Do not compute the number of your barnyard fowls prior to their incubation."
I know...
"Spare me your poisonous barbs for your whims of humor fall on deaf ears." Guess who? Dr. Smith on "Lost in Space." Yeah...remember Promo the robot who kept saying "Warning warning!" and little Will?
"I could never be a nurse. I get whoosing looking at an open faced sandwich." Guess who? Norm on Cheers!
"I haven't been around but...I've been near by." Mary Richards on MTM Show.
"You're mildly unrepugnant." Diane referring to Sam on Cheers!
"He's as gay as a picnic basket." Sophia on The Golden Girls.
Oh, and I lifted this one off my sixth grade English assignment..."Do not compute the number of your barnyard fowls prior to their incubation."
I know...
Friday, July 04, 2008
Silence is power
I truly believe that moody people need to be shot. Seriously...there is no room in this world for people who want to be negative; who would rather ignore someone's cheerfulness for the sake of not feeding into their joy. Life is just too friggin short. Okay...if you miss your dose of lithum...fine...I'll spare you the firing squad. If you've been just told you are terminal ill...fine..spend the rest of your days in a negative funk.
But if this is your natural disposition...sorry...no use for you. Take aim...fire!
And don't blame being overworked or "have too much to do." Nah...that won't cut it either. Everyone who works for someone else is over worked. It's called "working" for a reason. You can only get done what you can get done. Unless you're spending too much time on "break" and you are truly doing your job, you're not going to get fired for being too personable and friendly...for saying "good morning," "how's it going?" "you're looking very nice today." If you do get fired for any of these thing, you don't need to work there. You don't need that kind of negativity around you.
That's just all there is to it.
But if this is your natural disposition...sorry...no use for you. Take aim...fire!
And don't blame being overworked or "have too much to do." Nah...that won't cut it either. Everyone who works for someone else is over worked. It's called "working" for a reason. You can only get done what you can get done. Unless you're spending too much time on "break" and you are truly doing your job, you're not going to get fired for being too personable and friendly...for saying "good morning," "how's it going?" "you're looking very nice today." If you do get fired for any of these thing, you don't need to work there. You don't need that kind of negativity around you.
That's just all there is to it.
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