The things that stick with you...part II

Part I (click here)
I had an ah-ha moment last time when I was writing about this. I know that my apprehension with doing a forward roll stemmed from the fact I discovered years later after complaining of back pain and a full body x-ray that at some point in my childhood, I broke my back. I have a compressed fracture on L4. I have no recollection of hurting myself except for a time when I was at my dad’s company picnic…I must have been 7 or 8 and I slid down the slide on the park playground and hit my lower back on the ground. This must have been when I caused the fracture. I know, one would think I wouldn’t be able to walk; I have no idea how it could be that I could. There was never a time when I was so incapacitate I couldn’t walk.

Yes, I know, K and I were both kids and kids do stupid things for stupid reasons. I can even remember a situation where I intimidated someone weaker than me only in an effort to look stronger. K just did it all the time. I am fascinated with why I kept coming back for more.

Once L, another girl in our grade who I was friends with had a slumber party in her basement. This time she invited me and K. I don’t recall anyone else there. We had this quasi stage set up in L’s basement where we were to act out songs we played on the record player. I had no idea what K was looking for when she came up with this idea. None. Looking back, it was a sort of an MTV kind of thing, although MTV was far from even being a brain child of someone in the future. I picked, “I’ll Honestly Love You,” by Olivia Newton John.

I was sitting at the café table we had set up. Across from me was an empty chair. On the table was a flower in a vase. How do you make a song like this come alive without someone to sing too? This was my plight. K and L were watching me intently. The music started, I had to do something so I lip synced Olivia’s words to an imaginary lover seating across from me. I poured by heart out; declaring my undying love to his man of my dreams. I was 14, what did I know?.

“Maybe I hang around you, a little more than I should. We both know I got somewhere else to go.” I removed my focus from the chair to the flowers,

“But I got something to tell you that I never thought I would but I believe you really ought to know…” I looked back to the empty chair and poured by heart out via lip syncing better than Millie Vannellie. The song ended. I honestly thought I did a good job considering what I had to work with.

Once again, I was on the receiving line of K’s approval and once again there was venom coming out of her mouth, “What was that? What? You honestly love the flower?” Yeah, once again I was crushed.

You’d think I’d not want to be this girl’s friend. You’d think when I saw her, I’d be running in the other direction. K never called me…never that I could remember. I was constantly walking passed her house and would just happen to see her and if she looked my way, I took it as an invitation to approach.

Finally I must have gotten the message because my encounters with her were limited in high school. I was friends with L more and she apparently knew K’s ways and as long as K wasn’t friends with L, I was good. In high school, K was fairly popular. She didn’t hang out with the cheerleaders, not many of them but she was friends with some on the squad. Her older brother was kind of a rebel and I think he didn’t even finish high school at our school. K was kind of a free spirit.

For our first day of high school she wore these knicker type pants that weren’t yet in style but she apparently wanted to be on the cutting edge. I don’t think she was super confident or at least she didn’t come across to me as over-confident. Through out high school we were cordial but that was it. I didn’t press the issue.

We graduated in 1979. I went on to college, K chose to work for a year and then go to another college. Our paths rarely crossed.

In October of 1982, I was walking uptown to a place to pick up a hamburger. It was dark and I remember almost tripping over something on the sidewalk in front of K’s house. I didn’t give it much thought though until my walk back when I stepped on what turned out to be walnuts and twisted my ankle and down I went, hamburger flying and my wrist smashing into the sidewalk. I was stunned at first. I could hear the older brother in the house yelling at the dog who was barking up a storm at my commotion.

“Shut up!” J said. I yelled out for someone to help me but no one heard me. I got up, held my right hand up with my left hand but I was unable to move it on its own power. It hurt like hell. I somehow scooped up the brown bag containing my hamburger and walked home.

It turns out my wrist was so severely broken that surgery was required.

My father had a friend, Mitch, who was an attorney. Mitch said we had a case against the landowners and the walnut tree owners. I wasn’t keen on this…suing my neighbor. Mitch claimed it was only the insurance companies we were suing, not the people. I agreed to go through with this…I wasn’t working but I was trying to find a job and having a broken wrist wasn’t going to make that happen any time sooner. Plus there was the pain and suffering. I could be all dramatic and bring up the fear that had gripped me when I laid there helpless in front of K’s house, yelling for help and no one came to my aid. I could hear the brother yelling at the dog but apparently he couldn’t hear my over the dog’s barking. And there were hospital bills, the ER, the OR, the overnight stay. So I went ahead with the law suit.

I had another ah-ha moment recently when I realized it wasn’t all those reasons why I wanted to go through with the suite; it was the fact that I still wanted to be connected to K and her family and if this was the only way to do it; I would.

Of course, I didn’t expect to be in a deposition, face to face with K’s dad and Mr. S, the tree owner. But there I was.

Months later, I talked to another neighbor who told me that K’s family hated me. Me? The exact opposite of what I was hoping. No, I know you can’t sue someone and expect them to like you but “hate” seemed a bit harsh. It wasn’t too long after that that I told Mitch to settle. The idea of anyone hating me was more than I could take.

(To be continued)

New Bike

I was thinking that I need to get a bike. Well, half thinking I would. After dropping Becca off at the groomers, I came upon a sign that said, "Bike Sale" so I made the right turn into the development to see what it was all about. Sure enough, there was a bike sale. Apparently just a private citizen...not a store...was selling used bikes. I stopped still not convinced I'd actually do it and talked to the man. It was his "jobby"...acquiring bikes, fixing them up and selling them. I tried out a 10 speed. It felt weird. I hadn't been on a bike in at least 12 years. I didn't care for the 10 speed. He had a no speed...an classic red ladies bike with fat tires and brakes on the pedals. It was nice. I hymned and hawed about it. Called my husband who had no idea I was even thinking about getting a bike so he left it up to me. I decided I had to do it. It was $75...not a huge investment but still. So the man delivered it an hour later. She's a beaut!

Some things you can't shake...

Yesterday I noticed on Facebook that one of my friends had become friends with another classmate. I’ve been out of school for over 30 years but when I saw that M was friends with K, I still felt this …..Oh, I don’t know, I think we can safely call it anger and maybe a little jealousy. I don’t know who asked who to be friends but I know I won’t be asking K. If she wants to be friends maybe I will but I’m not instigating this. Now, how high school is this? Holy Crap; have I not grown up?

The thing is, K and I have some unfinished history.

K moved into my neighbor just before we went into junior high (7th grade). There were other kids in the neighborhood who were basically vying for friendships with K and her brothers and sisters. I was kind of the shy geeky kid with wild hair and crooked teeth that my folks didn’t believe needed attention. I was up against some tough competition in the “Win K’s Family Over” contest. Needless to say, I had a chance but I just didn’t measure up.

Aside of being geeky and dorky I was uncoordinated. I recall a time when K and I were hanging out in her back yard. I imagine K was doing cartwheels or maybe another girl, L was over too and they were doing backbends or whatever it is kids do on summer days. I couldn’t do any of those things. When K discovered that I couldn’t even do a forward roll she had a field day. What kid can’t do a forward roll? This was so absurd to her. I wanted to do one; I really did but I was fearful of hurting by back…I mean really fearful of it. K was determined to get me to do one. She kept pressuring me. “Even babies know how to do a forward roll,” she teased. I stooped down, put my hands on the ground. I could envision myself ducking my head down into my chest and just doing it but I couldn’t and I felt helpless but to not just confess my fear. At the time I knew of no fear that laid dormant in K. She was from Buffalo…from the actual city; not Norman Rockwellville. Her parents moved to Angola to escape all the violence of the big city. And then K would become all caring and lull me into a false sense of friendship. She broke the process down for me. And so I did what she said. I tucked my chin in and launched myself slightly with my feet and rolled; touching back of head, shoulders, back and back to a sitting position. “Yes! I did it!” I yelled out so proud of myself. And I looked a K, standing on one foot, with her hands on her hips. “It’s just a stupid forward roll,” she said as she walked away.

I don’t recall why, but by the time school started K didn’t like me at all. She made it clear we were enemies. She told me this after she shared a secret: that when you go into a new school, there’s initiation and since we were going into Junior High we could be assaulted by students from the high school. In Buffalo, there had been reports of kids spraying Nail in classmate’s hair. It just might happen in our school too. The first day of school I was a nervous wreck. The idea of going into Junior High, to a new big school didn’t faze me. The thought of K and her sister D who was going into 8th grade did. In gym class I remember visibly shaking.

God, I remember wanting this girl to like me. I rarely witnessed myself get jealous over boys. I never set my sights on one because I always felt they were all out of my league. K constantly reminded me of this. She was always on some mission to “fix” me. Even her sister D, joined in. One day I found a homemade halter top in my mailbox. Apparently I wasn’t showing off enough skin for their standards. K was always demeaning my choice of clothing. It was never good enough. And for some reason I wanted to be this girl’s friend. It became a challenge. I remember walking up to the Variety Store in town and seeing a greeting card there that really tickled me. It was an Easter card. There was a cartoon bunny on the front and it read, “I hate to break it to you, but there is no Easter bunny.” In the inside it said, “Santa Claus ate him for Thanksgiving.” I thought it was so clever. I didn’t have much money as a kid but I bought it and then I wondered who I should give it to. Of course, I decided on K. I filled the card out at the store and, with pride, brought it to K’s house. Why I expected anything more, I have no idea. It was like the forward roll all over again…just a stupid card. I constantly set myself up. They say that’s a sign of insanity…doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Aw man, if I could turn back time.

Well, having said all this, I know that if K requested me to be her friend, I would cave; I would confirm her. My mom always told me I’m too forgiving and people walk on forgiving people but I know I can’t help that. That’s just the way I am. I am sure the reason is simply that just about everyone has messed with me in one way or the other and if I didn’t forgive, I simply wouldn’t have any friends. It’s so absurd that the ones who hurt me or rejected me at one time are the ones I want so much to be friends with. There are dozens of people in my life who haven’t done me wrong and yet, they for some reason don’t matter as much. How crazy is that? Maybe I am insane.

Coach :: Handbags

Coach :: Handbags
At these prices can I get the "Assistant Coach?"

And now for some levity

How can the word "anxious" mean both worried and eager? I don't get it. If you say, "I'm anxious to meet you," will they think you are worried about it? I'm anxious to find out what my next move is on a project I'm involved in but I'm not the slightest bit worried. I'm looking forward to it actually. I don't get it.

If someone asks, "How was your day?" and you respond, "It was super. How was yours?" Why don't we use an apostrophe after the 's'? Shouldn't it be "how was your's?" I mean, the person owns the day since it is his or her day too. So what's up with that?

Aw..the things that keep me up at night. :)