Aw....here I go again....finding something else I can't accept. Or at least, not accepting very easily.
My best friend just told me something. Not a life changing thing...not for me but something pretty big. She's made a decision about something. The thing is, it's the first I'm hearing about this decision. I don't know what bothers me more; that her life is changing without me or that she didn't trust me enough to let me know that this decision was in the works; that there was the possibility of this change in her life. I'm saddened because once again, I'm not in on the ground level of something big. Yeah, I know; it's not about me but in a way it is.
Earlier this week another friend and I were discussing something. I was spouting out my opinion; freely, as friends do until she told me she was getting frustrated with me. I know that doesn't sound harsh but coming from her it hurt me. I think now that I was surprised more than anything; surprised that I'm supposed to use a filter when speaking to her. I just never thought I needed one. Okay, yeah, I always have some kind of filter on...I am not going to insult someone but I just never thought I had to watch what I said about how I felt bout something. It's hard to explain without being more specific but I don't want to muddy the water any more.
In high school I read A Separate Peace by John Knowles. As I remember in that book, Finney couldn't accept the fact that his friend had pushed him out of a tree they were both climbing. Finney's leg was broken and eventually he died. His death was somehow linked to the fact that he couldn't accept the idea that his friend did this to him. I can't help thinking about my inability to accept things; friends who disappoint, the deaths of my parents, etc will be my demise. Sorry...I know, so morbid but it is what it is.
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