The Upside to a mastectomy (pt 2)

No one will know when you're cold!!!!!

The Upside to having a mastectomy

If you flash someone and he turns out to be a cop he can't give you a ticket for indecent exposure!  Bahahahahahaha.......

Ten Days to Being Boob-free

Yeah, I'm freaking out a bit; not too much since it's still over a week before my surgery.

A few posts ago I wrote about being free like an 6 year old, no bra, just going oh natur-al....maybe wear a t-shirt; maybe run around the back yard under the sprinklers like I used to do 44 years ago. I don't know...did we even have sprinklers 44 years ago? I remember having a little kiddy pool.

In a recent post I even wrote about going back to work without that clear indication of my sexuality....yeah, keep 'em guessing, I thought. Obviously, going back to where I worked is no longer an option. So I guess I'm re-thinking this whole thing. Once I heal and start looking for a job, well, I guess boobs might be mandatory. Of course no one would have come out and say that; I'm sure that's discrimination unless I apply for a job at Hooters or a Strip Bar. I guess they can discriminate since the whole point of hiring me would be my boobs. Well, maybe Hooters can't.

I went to the American Cancer Society last week and they gave me a "Comfy Bra" Yep, those days of stuffing your bra are back. It like a regular bra, opens in front but it has these pockets. It also comes with these two tan colored inserts that you stuff with the accompanying fiber material..same thing in stuffed animals. Then you can insert the inserts into the pockets of the Comfy Bra. You can packet it tight or packet it loose. Can't wait. This week I'm going to a store for a camisole that has pockets or straps to hook my drainage tubes up to after surgery. I understand there will be four. Good gravy!

I know, listen to me go on; like I'm the first woman to have a double mastectomy. I posted on Facebook that I was freaking out and I know I don't need to..it will be fine. It's just....I don't know. Still feels so unexpected. Just never thought I'd be here. But it's all good. One step at a time.

Thoughts for a Sunday Afternoon

Just thinking out loud here.

Upon first glance what makes a woman a woman or a man a man? I mean, remember the Pat skits from Saturday Night Live where the main character was devoid of any indicators of what sex he/she was? Back in the 50s you could tell the difference easily...woman wore dresses, had long hair and were not very muscular. But now...woman don't always where dresses, men often have long hair and woman often have short, both woman and men can be muscular. So really the only indicator is that a woman has breasts and in this society, generally speaking, she often shows them off. Yes, men have breasts but barring man-boobs they're not as pronounced.

I envision scenarios in my head where I have no breasts and quite frankly in these scenarios I don't care. I'm happy to wear just a t-shirt like I did when I was 9. What freedom that will be to NOT wear a bra! I can imagine going to work without the curves expected of a woman. Oh people will talk, that's normal but really I won't care because I'll be a live!

I envision being called into HR; being told my lack of breasts has caused a distraction. Can you imagine? But the upside....you won't even know when I'm cold! Bahahahaha. (Gosh I'm too funny)

I feel such relief....

I've been fretting over the idea of reconstructive surgery. It's kind of consumed me the last few days. I know....you're thinking, why would I worry about that when I'm still getting treatment and I still have to have my mastectomy? Well, it's because I'm so friggin' consumed by money. Seriously it's this huge driving force with me. I buy all my clothes at the thrift store for crying out loud! I kept thinking I need to do the reconstruction this year because I've already met my out-of-pocket deductible (or whatever it's called) and everything I do medically is covered at 100%. This means this huge expensive surgery wouldn't cost me anything....if I did it this year. That's the fiscal me talking.

The emotional me was saying, "Holy crap, I don't want any more surgery! What the hell am I thinking?" So, I've been torturing myself the last few days with this. I'm serious.

Well, I'm happy to report, I have let my tight wad ass off the hook! I found out who the surgeon will be and I called him. And guess what? I can't have the surgery anyway until at least 6 months after radiation even if I wanted to. I am so friggin' happy to hear this! The emotional me is happy and the fiscal me...well...I just has to live with it. And I'm okay with that!