It happened again. Only three weeks have past and I'm meltdowning. Crap. This is what happens at work when I try to share what knowledge I have. My suggestions are dissected like a freshman science project and everything I want to accomplish is rendered unnecessary. I'm not to think on my own without consulting someone first. I'm apparently approaching everything wrong. This all makes me sad and filled with self-doubt. This is only my third job in the past 22 years. That's longevity, right? Why do I cry?
I am told to that crying at work is unprofessional and totally frowned upon. It's disruptive. So I close my door to my officemate's office (it's apparently not mine...but my co-workers office. I just happen to be taking up some space in it.) She was out, so I closed the door to cry privately. I'm told the door is to not be closed. So I have to allow all the people who pass by to witness the grief on my face which is disruptive but that's the way it is. The bottonline I am told is "don't cry."
Try as I might, it's impossible to do this. If my feelings are hurt; if everything I suggest is deemed silly or unnecessary and I'm indirectly told I'm an idiot. Well, sorry...that hurts. I can take corrective critism, I really can but surely there has to be some merit to what I do or want to do?
I need to see this as a challenge, see if I can get it right. Try and try again. Like my momma always said, "It'll work out, you'll see."
Friday, December 28, 2007
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Time flies
I can't believe the last time I posted was on the 7th. Someone alerted me to this...he said he was sorry I didn't continue with blogging each day. I was surprised to see it has been a while. My excuse is that I started a new blog for my dog, Becca. I've been, okay, Becca's been posting to it quite a bit. Check it out.
My shopping is done and I'm happy about that. I got a BIG bonus from work which really surprised me since I've only been there for 6 months. I spent some of the bonus already. I have abou $250 left. It does seem to burn a hole in my pocketbook. I need to wait until after Christmas.
Not too much to report. Merry Christmas!
My shopping is done and I'm happy about that. I got a BIG bonus from work which really surprised me since I've only been there for 6 months. I spent some of the bonus already. I have abou $250 left. It does seem to burn a hole in my pocketbook. I need to wait until after Christmas.
Not too much to report. Merry Christmas!
Friday, December 07, 2007
Why do I Cry?
I have been plagued with this unexplained condition all my life. I cry. I mean it, like a baby. It's so embarrassing because I do it at work and then I get mad at myself for doing it which makes me cry even more.
It doesn't happen all the time...just every 6 weeks or so, I have a meltdown. Mostly it's because I perceive that someone is disappointed in me. It could be a casual comment or the rehashing of a mistake I did weeks ago that can set me off. But I can't stop it.
Technically I believe it's a medical condition. I worked somewhere where a man there had a problem with snorting. It was a constant distraction for me and when I complained about it, I was told it was a medical condition and he couldn't help it so there was nothing management could do. I've been told that I need to work on this problem of being so sensitive that it leaves me in tears; that it is distracting to my co-workers and unprofessional. Well, it's a medical condition just like the snorter. If someone has chronic hiccups, could management hold it against him during the review process? Fortunately, my melt downs don't happen all the time but they happen. I can try to control it but there is no way I can guarentee an end to it.
I wish there were a way I could be hypnotized so that when I feel threatened to the point of tears, I will smile and just sigh and move on. Today I was praying to God that I could have a split personality and that my alter would kick in and she'd be tough....she wouldn't care if someone was disappointed in me...she would just shrug it off until the urge to cry subsided and then I - me - would come back. I know, I watch to many soap operas.
It doesn't happen all the time...just every 6 weeks or so, I have a meltdown. Mostly it's because I perceive that someone is disappointed in me. It could be a casual comment or the rehashing of a mistake I did weeks ago that can set me off. But I can't stop it.
Technically I believe it's a medical condition. I worked somewhere where a man there had a problem with snorting. It was a constant distraction for me and when I complained about it, I was told it was a medical condition and he couldn't help it so there was nothing management could do. I've been told that I need to work on this problem of being so sensitive that it leaves me in tears; that it is distracting to my co-workers and unprofessional. Well, it's a medical condition just like the snorter. If someone has chronic hiccups, could management hold it against him during the review process? Fortunately, my melt downs don't happen all the time but they happen. I can try to control it but there is no way I can guarentee an end to it.
I wish there were a way I could be hypnotized so that when I feel threatened to the point of tears, I will smile and just sigh and move on. Today I was praying to God that I could have a split personality and that my alter would kick in and she'd be tough....she wouldn't care if someone was disappointed in me...she would just shrug it off until the urge to cry subsided and then I - me - would come back. I know, I watch to many soap operas.
Monday, December 03, 2007
First pix
This was on the way home. We got Becca from a rescue home. It was in the middle of no where. I'm proud we found it. Here Becca in the side mirror.
Our new dog
We got a new dog. She's 1 year old and quite the hoot. Here's a video of her exchange with the vacuum cleaner. Such a silly girl.
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