Serious thought I need to say...so here it is...

I posted this pic on Facebook because it rings so true to me.  It makes no sense to give anyone power over you. I get that.  And after having gone through cancer and beating it, one has but no choice to really look at their life and make some changes.  Everyone says to not let the little things get you down...to gloss over it and basically pretend it doesn't exist; it doesn't hurt.  I have approached people with a discussion on this and I sense their frustration.  In my case, I'm like a dog with a bone....I want to analyze it and I try but I get this "In the whole scheme of things, is it really that important. Just let it go!"  Well maybe the person I'm fretting over needs to live in my head a little bit longer rent free; maybe I'm not ready to evict them.  I'm kind of tired of having to feel guilty for wanting to wallow in my despair a little longer.   Yeah, I know it's of no good for me.  I know I should put my energies elsewhere...somewhere more productive but in many cases I just can't...not yet.  Certain things have happened with my socially and I can say I'm making pretty good strides to get past them.  But just because I slip, doesn't mean I'm not moving on..it's just at a different pace than my good-intention friends would like. Just so there's no dispute on this..I love all of my friends; appreciate them so much!!!! So don't stop being you but understand, letting go is not my strong suit (I know, duh!) :)  All is good.

Overdue Update

I know this update is overdue...sorry.  

I finished my first week of radiation treatment.  There really isn't much to report.  I go in everyday at 3:20, take off my shirt, lay face up, the two girls who are the techs line me up and then I'm conveyer-ed back a few feet under this machine that scans around me.  It takes about 5 minutes. Then I put my shirt on, say good bye and I'm on my way.  Lather, rinse, repeat...

I haven't experience any of the redness I'm going to see. It will appear, probably next week.  I have a prescription lotion I have to put on three times a day.  I'm fatigued a lot but that's still from the chemo and the drugs I'm taking.  It may or may not get better before it gets worse.  I do stuff and then I lay down.  It's all good.

Funny story:  I was checking out at Dr Toma’s office (my oncologist) and I told the lady, Beverly, about the benefits of having a mastectomy.  I lifted by shirt and said, “I can flash you and it’s not indecent exposure!”  She laughed, a lot and said, “no, but it might be considered disturbing behavior.”  Aw man, she got me!  I guess I never saw it from the standpoint of the flashee.  And to think of all those poor people I've exposed myself to. (just kidding...Beverly was actually the first...seriously.)

I'm still have the neuropathy despite the Neurotin but that may be how it is.  A small price to pay for being cancer-free. 

So it's all good.  Stay tuned for another exciting post. :D

Book Review

I've been wanting to write this for some time now so I'm making myself do it right now.  

I'm reading this book called, It Could Be Worst, You Could Be Me by Ariel Leve.  It's essays on how she sees the world.  Most are funny because they are correct. We have a lot in common in many ways.  

One essay is called, I Know You Don't Like Me. Yeah, Leve is pretty direct.  I'm sure she figures life is short, let's get to the point. In this essay she thinks people should just be forthright with their feelings.

She writes, "Think of all the time it would save.  No more lying to get out of a relationship. No more trying to figure out what you may have done to make someone distant or wondering if you're being paranoid.  They wouldn't have to offer a reason.  'I don't like you' is all I need. Knowing where they stand would be enough." I agree with all of this except I'd want a reason.  It doesn't have to be a big reason. But something.  When I was in third grade I was somehow connected to Andrew, a kid in my class.  We'd hold hands as we walked to the lunch room each day. He told me he didn't want to do it anymore because he wanted to be with Christina, another girl in our class.  His reasoning was, she wore a training bra.  Not the best reason but still at least he had a reason, and that made a difference.  One of my biggest pet-peeves is when people make up their mind about me without my input. They can't possibility get it right.  Well, they often do when their thinking is positive but if it is negative, it is no doubt based on misinformation.

One of my favorite essays in the book is about Facebook.  She writes that she joined Facebook under pressure from her friend Sophie.  "'I'm so excited!'" Sophie wrote on her wall. "'Finally!' You'd think I'd gotten engaged."

Leve says Facebook for her, "opens up a whole new world of paranoia.  I always knew I had the potential to alienate people in real life but now I can drive away thousands of people in cyberspace too?"  She writes about her friend Emily who she had been trying to get in contact with. Emily hadn't gotten back to her so Leve assumed she was just busy but then Emily left a status message on her wall saying, "'Emily has just spent eight hours doing nothing and is incredibly bored.'"  Now what?  I'd be hurt too!  I'm as paranoid as Leve.  When I ask someone to be my friend and they don't "friend" me I'm thinking, "what's up with this? She's friends with so and so, what's wrong with me?  Who am I, chopped liver?"  I often end up leaving a message saying "friend me for crying out loud; I'm getting a complex." Usually that does it; we become friends and I'm so happy. :)

She sees FB as a tool to replace email. "Now even texting and phone calls have become a chore.  I'll get through to Madonna before I'll get through to Lisa."  

Facebook does open up an opportunity to find out about the mundane of our friends.  Leve writes, "'Liza is folding laundry.'  I felt so included. God only knows what else I've been missing." I find out a lot about people from their status.

Another essay is about Recycling.  I found this essay especially enlightening.  I had never thought of this..that being childless is a benefit to the environment.  Now I feel better about not having kids.  Leve writes, "Putting fewer people on earth does far more to prevent global warming than buying organic blueberries." She makes a point, so much that I really feel better.  I'm not making trips to soccer games or carting my kids from place to place. I'm not buying non-biodegradable toys, electronic devices or containers. I should get a rebate from the government for my conscientious decision.  Thanks Ariel, I feel so much more superior!

I think I write a lot like Leve but I hold back a lot so I don't offend.  Like the day after my surgery, two ladies from the American Cancer Society came to my room to talk to me about some of the benefits of having cancer; the counseling, literature on the disease and other things that are available to me.  They gave me a cute Teddy Bear too.  I think if Leve got this she'd be thinking about all the germs clinging to this stuffed animal.  She'd be happy for the gesture but disgusted by the contamination collecting on it.  Bringing it to a hospital has to be the worse place.  It crossed my mind but I wouldn't be able to put it in words on my blog...I'd just be thankful for the gesture. :) 


At first I wasn't as impressed with the book but as I got to reading more and more and understanding Leve's personality I loved it.  I highly recommend this book!

 

God Bless America!

One month Boob-free

Okay, sing this song to the tune of Born Free (the Andy Williams version, not Kid Rock's)...

Boob-free....as free as the wind blows

as free as my bra blows

without mam-mar-ies

Okay, that's all I wrote of it.  Catchy, huh?
I am doing physical therapy to help with the range of motion in my right arm.  It's not straightening out completely.  PT should stand for Physical Torture!
I met with my radiation oncologist, Dr Young, on Friday and here's the scoop there.  I had a CAT Scan and they gave me three tattoos.  No, not a heart or an angel; just a little dot.  But I have to say, each one hurt. I mean not to the point of doubling over in pain but enough to make me cringe. If this is what it's like to get a tattoo...a picture of something permanently etched in my skin, forget it.  I'll pass.  Anyway, I have to go back on Friday (9/16) for some kind of check and then on Monday (9/19) I will start the treatment.  I will go every weekday afternoon for six and a half weeks.  The entire process takes about 15 minutes.  So the travel time is longer than the actual treatment time.  I will experience more fatigue and my chest area will have some kind of reaction to the radiation...like a sun burn.  They will give me a prescription for some special lotion.  I'm not allowed to wear deodorant under my right arm so I'm only going to stink on one side of my body.
So that's my report.  Good day!

The Upside to a mastectomy (pt 2)

No one will know when you're cold!!!!!

Thanks to all my Frates Friends

Last night I had dinner at the Elephant Bar with 9 of my former co-workers from C. L. Frates.  They presented me with this amazing basket of pink stuff.  Regina Marshall and Deborah Jordan put it all together...the dinner and the gift.  It was so wonderful to see everyone and so surprising to get this awesome basket. It had all kinds of pink stuff in it, even a squeaking toy for Becca. There was a pink bag, pink pen, pink notepad, this nice Friendship plaque...some books, a stuffed rabbit, a B&N gift card, some cold hard cash and more.  Regina and Deborah took up a collection at Frates and with many who, like me, no longer work there.  It is awesome.  

I'd also like to thank April Bloodsworth for her card and B&N gift card.  I have never even met April but she and I had talked on the phone and emailed each other when I worked at HPI.  She is working in the job I held when I worked at Frates.  I'm so blown away by her generosity and concern for me.  Thank you so much April. 

I am so dang blessed to have so many caring people in my life.  I'm blown away.  

The Friendship plaque says:

When all seems hopeless

Trust in God and seek His favor

Find the courage to fight

Ignite the enthusiasm deep within you

Give 100% every day

Hold on to those who love you

Think positive

Endure the fear & doubt

Remember you are not alone...

We are in your corner

Together We Will Win,

Together We Will Fight!

I'm just blown away!

 

Hoodie Weather....not soon enough...thanks Chris

I got mail yesterday and it was another package from another amazing caring supporter.  I'm so blessed.  This wonderful hoodie came to me from Chris Ralph...another rockin' sweet former classmate. Hence the logo - Lake Shore (yay Eagles!). Thank you so much Chris!  I can't wait until hoodie weather, which should come around Oklahoma some time in October.  The hoodie fits me just right.  (I'm glad it's too small for Phil, cause he might try to steal it.)