Cancer Treatment Update

Remember: Not complaining - just informing!

I'm two-thirds into my radiation treatment and it's, as expected, getting harder and harder.  On Saturday morning the radiation site looked fine. On Sunday, my chest area was dark brown; the area near my collarbone and by my shoulder was red - sunburn red...like "pass the Solarcaine" red.  I saw the doctor today and she says that this happens - where you're fine one day and the next you're a little crispy.  I told her the brown area looks dirty.  She assures me it's not. She actually says my skin looks good considering all it's been through.  I'm freaking out a little. I know, it will go away but ...well..you know.  Also, I've been very tired - really tired.  I get up in the morning and take my pills, take Becca for a walk and then I'm pretty much done - looking to lay down.  And it's not a short nap...it's at least two hours.  I thought I was done with this but apparently not.
 
On the Halloween front...I am going as a boy. Yeah, I'm working it. Phil's going to be a doctor. That's pretty benign.  Guess we both are....bahahaha. 

From Facebook:

Eva Dinkuhn Mahoney

I'm going to a Halloween Party as a BOY!!!!! Because i can!!!!! Bahahahaha....

• DeAnn Branstetter Beach, Mary Guerra, Eva Mahoney and 4 others like this.

Chic Ciccarella Bazydlo lol

Mary Jo Borzelleri Miller Ok, but only because you want to. Breasts don’t define a woman, having them removed to save your life makes you a brave, smart, living woman. A survivor - not a boy.

Chic Ciccarella Bazydlo I agree Mary Jo, but I also know (as do you) Eva's sense of humor..of course we're all proud of her strength, courage and success. :)

Jennifer Steiger EVA!!!!YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL BOY OR GIRL!!!I LOVE YOUR POSITIVE OUTLOOK ON YOUR LIFE!!!!!!

Christine M. Ralph That a girl Eva.....

Chic Ciccarella Bazydlo lol

Mary Jo Borzelleri Miller Will you be a famous boy, like Justin Bieber, or just any boy? And will Phil still hold your hand?

Don Feldman ata girl good for you

Eva Dinkuhn Mahoney Phil is going as a doctor...a pretty benign costume...that makes two of us! Bahahaha...get it? Benign? :D

Joe Jackie Androff Bracco You are too funny, love the positive attitude!

Margaret Dick Laughter is, indeed, the best medicine.

Maureen Harrison you make me smile!

Heather L. Macpherson-Kasperek LOL - pictures, please!

Christine Ferguson Yawney Eva, your strength and courage show just what kind of a woman you are...with or w/o breasts!

Halloween

I don't like Halloween.  Not really.  I like it when the kids dress up like fun light characters like a princess or a fireman or someone not spooky. I don't like spooky characters because I scare easily.  I never watch horror movies or even movies where many of the scenes are in a dark setting.  Heck, I get scared watching reruns of Little House on the Prairie.  It's scary when they play that spooky music when Charles go out to check on the chickens in the chicken coop.

I love to check out the costumes of the little ones who come to my door.  They are so adorable.  Of course, Becca wants to check them out too.  It's so cute when one of them will say, "Oh, what a cute doggy."

"No, she's really a cat but she has on her dog costume," I'll tell them.

"Really?" They'll ask.  Too cute.

This year, Phil and I are invited to a Halloween party.  I have no idea what to go as.  I opted to go as a boy since cleavage-wise that's not too far a stretch but Phil won't hear of going as a girl and the pair is exactly that...a pair. So, I'm back to square one.  I don't have any money to buy or rent a costume so that leaves me to create something...to find stuff around the house or things I can get at a thrift store.  Yeah, nothing is coming to me.  And time is ticking away.

Halloween candy is terribly expensive too.  We always over buy.  I don't know why we buy it.  I have this huge jar of condiment packets...won't they make good Halloween treats?  Why not? What kid couldn't use a packet of Duck Sauce or Arby's Horsey Sauce?  They come in bite sized little packets.  Oh oh, I know...I can give the little kids Hersey Bars and the big kids...the ones sporting facial hair, wearing their, "I won't be doing this next year" costume....Burger King Dipping Sauce!

I remember when I was a kid, I walked in the Village Halloween parade as a window.  Seriously, I had a cardboard box around me with a window cut out in the front, complete with curtains.  I carried a sign that said, "I'm a window, not a pain." Bahahaha...yeah, that was my mom's idea.  

Mama Mahoney's 90th

Here's a picture of the jigsaw puzzle I had created for Mama Mahoney for her 90th birthday present.  I thought it was a great idea and apparently I was right. She loved it!  Last I heard she had completed the photo of her and Dad, my jeans and Phil's shirt.  She was having a little trouble with my shirt though...too busy. :D  But she's the master puzzle put togetherer so I'm sure it won't be long! 

I put it together before Phil took it to her.

The Upside to a Masectomy - part 3

I can sext a photo of my chest to someone and I won't get charged with "The Distribution of Obscenity (the legal term for pornography)!"

Thank You Friends

This is the weekend that many cities had held their Susan G. Komen Race for a Cure Race/walks.  There was one walk here in Oklahoma City yesterday and one in Jamestown NY.  Two of my dear friends here, Jo Jo Lipinski and Flora Daniels, walked on my behalf in OKC.  My dear friend, Chic Ciccarella Bazydlo in Cattaraugus walked, albeit very slowly, to the finish line in Jamestown, NY.  Poor Chic and Jo Jo were really hurting but by golly they did it!  I can not thank you all enough for making the walk.  You guys all rock!  

Health Update

Pumping Iron!

I’m at the half way point on my radiation.  As you can see, I’ve been shooting a lot of hoops. (Don’t worry, I’m not over-doing it.) Okay, here’s my report:

• ·         I’m tarred and feathered!  Say it like a Redneck – “tarred.”  They say this will happen with radiation and it may continue for weeks after I’m done.  As tired as I am, I’m not sleeping very well. I don’t seem to get tired at night; it’s the morning. I get up around 7am, take my pills, eat breakfast and take Becca for a walk.  Then I want to sleep. If I lay down, it’s for a good three hours. I try not to do this because I want to do something constructive but I sometimes I just have to sleep. The radiation isn’t giving me a sun burn yet.
• ·         I went to a Breast Cancer Survivors Luncheon.  It was interesting.  They had a speaker, Krista Newgent, PT.  She specializes in Lymphedema.  She says that even if you have one lymph node removed you are susceptible to this condition. If one contracts Lymphedema, they can’t get rid of it.  Krista says I need to get a compression sleeve to wear on my right arm when I’m doing housework or lifting anything, I also need to wear it when I get on an airplane.  Apparently swelling can occur when faced with a change in altitude.  This is all new to me.  Well, that's not completely true. I'm sure it was discussed, but in my chemo-brain head, I couldn't address it. Anyway, I brought this up with Dr Toma and her office is working on getting me an appointment with Krista for an evaluation.
• ·         My weight is staying the same despite my eating calorie ridden confections like chocolate cheese cake, chocolate pudding and coco-coconut butter.  I’m starting to like more foods.  I’m still not big on beef or cake though.

That's about it for now.

Babies and that Maternal Feeling

As many may know, Philip and I have no children.  It, apparently, wasn’t in God’s plan for us.  I spent a good portion of my thirties upset by this revelation; avoiding kids, cringing at the prospect of the invite to a baby shower, getting angry at commercials that depicted families doing family things, hearing that Christmas is for children (n...a...h…I love Christmas even without having kids), telling myself that kids were annoying and who needed them?  Laura Bush had an interesting quote in her book Spoken from the Heart:

“The English language lacks the words to mourn an absence. For the loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, child or friend, we have all manner of words and phrases, some helpful some not. Still we are conditioned to say something, even if it is only “I’m sorry for your loss.” But for an absence, for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?” 

By my mid-forties I came around to accept that this is the way it’s going to be.  I still stayed clear of children but the occasional baby shower grew to be less of a chore, discussing a co-worker's pregnancy didn’t sting as much, but I knew I’d never offer myself to babysit. 

Flash forward to last week.  I was having a garage sale and my neighbor Jamie came over with Norah, her four month old daughter.  Looking back now, I’m amazed at how I initiated Jamie into relinquishing Norah to me.  I deliberately reached for her.  I didn’t even think about it. I just did it.  I know, not a huge deal for most women but for me, it was the first time I have done this since my twenties and I didn’t even realize what I had done until later.  

This weekend has been a particularly rainy one.  Oklahoma really needs it.  This morning I let Becca out and when she came back it, she was drenched.  I had to dry her off with a towel. She was very good about it; even laying down on her back so I could wipe each of her paws.  After I was satisfied with it, I was playing with her and the towel and talking to her like a baby.

“Aw…my little girl is all wet. Poor little girlie. You smell like a wet dog. I know that’s because you are a wet doggy.”


I know…how pathetic is that?  And then I did something I was worried I’d never do again. I clutched her to my bosom.  I had been worried that I wouldn’t feel that maternal need since my bosom had been amputated. But the need was still there.  And that felt good.

A Word about Dating...

No, don't be shocked. It's not the demise of my marriage to Philip.  That will NEVER happen.  But I have a few friends who have tried to get back into the dating scene and they have told me stories.  It just boggles my mind: why is it so hard to find "the one?" 

Take my friend, Tom; he's been divorced for a couple years. He's a nice guy; tall (okay, not that tall…5’11”), dark and handsome in a chiseled kind of way; mid-50s; employed (not a millionaire but doing okay).  He's gone out on dates with woman he's met through various dating services.  The woman on the sites all seem to agree that "they don't want to play games!"  The thing is; they do!!!  It's kind of perplexing. 

Remember that book I reviewed, It Could be Worse, You Could be Me by Ariel Leve?  The one essay was about being direct with where you stand.  I realize it might be hard to hurt someone but if you're not feeling it; say so and let's move on.  Tom has told me stories about how a woman he just met, seemed genuinely interested.  She actually told him she'd like to see him again.  Tom was pretty excited about it but Tom's emails were answered in vague short sentences.

 "Can’t meet on Thursday.”

“Maybe next week." 

Then next week comes and she's busy again.  Then the emails just go unanswered.  What's up with that?  Give the guy a break.  Tom has been forced to evaluate every encounter. Even his profile on the dating site is subject to self-inflected scrutiny. 

Then there is my friend, Amy. She’s a nice lady, early 50s, grown kids, professional with a degree.  For some reason the men she meets feel that sleeping with her is a given.  They paw at her all evening, expecting something will happen.  Amy is no prude by any means, but she’s not going to sleep with a man she barely knows. Well, unless he’s famous and good looking like Glen Frey or Bon Jovi, then maybe…okay probably.  But, why do these guys act that way? I suppose she could put on her profile, “If you’re looking for sex, don’t bother contacting me.”  But if she did that, she’d get no one to respond to her profile and in her early stages of disrepair, she can’t handle that.

I just don’t get why it’s so hard to make connections? Why do people make it so hard?   No games need to be played. It should just fall into place.  Maybe I’ve been spoiled all these years by a seamless relationship with Philip.  There’s no working at it for us; it just happens.  I just wish the same for Tom and Amy.  Eventually it will, I just know it, but in the meantime all you single people: don't make it so hard!