I'm in Charge!

My boss is out today as was my co-worker. This means I'm in charge! I'm in charge of myself. I think I might be taking this a little too seriously. I've been really cracking the whip...really pushing myself around a lot. I even sexually harrassed myself! Yeah! I kept slapping myself on the butt saying, "Good job, honey, good job!" I suppose I should go downstairs and report myself to management. I really shouldn't be allowed to do this. I mean there are laws you have to follow when you're in charge. This is gross misconduct on my part. Somebody needs to sit me down and really give me a good talking to. I'll let you know how it works out.