Tuesday

Aw...what a great day it was. I had no headache pain! Aw...can't tell you how great it is! Had a great day at work...got a ton done!

My doctor says I am having migraines. Personally I'm thinking a brain tumor but I'm just a layperson. He's putting me on a drug that is given to people with seizures. Apparently on a lower dose, it helps people with migraines. One of the side effects, though, is confusion but usually at the higher dose. Lord knows I don't need more confusion in my life.

Does anyone else find it weird that Shania Twain married the ex-husband of the woman who was the reason for the break up of her marriage with Mutt Lang?

Why don't people just ignore Lindsay Lohan? Sure her family can pay her some attention; maybe some close friends but the general population really needs to pretend she doesn't exist. She needs a good reality check.

Later Gator....

Monday

Aw...hate to complain but today was not good. Aw...my head was hurting so much; so very much I wanted to slip into a coma. I called the doctor but couldn't get in until tomorrow morning. I'm happy to report, although, that it's gone! The pain as lifted and I am constantly thanking God for that. Really, I thought death would be an upgrade.

I feel so good right now, I should go to work right now. It's almost 8pm so that's not going to happen but I feel good enough to do it. I will be putting in a lot of late hours this week for sure. I say this assuming the pain will NOT return.

By the way, St Louis lost last night. I tell you, I'm the kiss of death. If you want your team to win, pay me to root for the other team. You have a winning season.

So, this constitutes a blog entry for today. Later gator.

Can I do this every day?

Well, I am not going to put so much pressure on myself but I am going to try. I came into our computer room to blog...specifically to blog and yet I naturally got side track with Facebook and reading some email. I was just ready to click on an ad for Hobby Lobby when I deliberately stopped myself and said, 'Hey, wait, you're here to blog." I know...how trivial is that? But that is what's going to happen. I'm just going to write what's in my head. (It's not like I have a real audience anyway :)

My Buffalo Bills are done for the season. Another disappointment. Another shining example of why I hate this time of year. More on that in a minute. I do need some kind of alliance though...something to root for; something to get behind. I guess I can root for St Louis Rams. Sam Bradford is their quarterback. He's from Oklahoma...went to OU. Usually though I am the kiss of death. If I root for a team, 9 out of 10 times, they will lose. Well look at the Bills.. 12 out of 16, we lost....that comes down to 3 out of 4. So my odds are even worst. :( Grrr...

Now the holidays are over; now what? White Sales? Yeah, get real. We are now embarking on the cold blue depths of January...one of the longest months of the calendar. Aw...my heels are still in December...dragging...about ready to throw a tantrum. "I don't want the holidays to be over!" I feel like whining. But like the excitement of a white sale, I have to get real.

Tomorrow I will go to work and I will love it! I will embrace my day with enthusiasm and chipperness. (Yes, I made that up.) It's a new year...and it's going to be great!

See ya tomorrow.

Happy New Year!

This is the year I...

• blog more
• stop drinking phospheric acid
• stop being so lazy
• exercise every day
• eat better

I'm so glad I treat people well already...don't know if I could fit that in to my plans.

Oh crap

How come I can not do this in compose view. Im writing this on my new ipad. There is some limitations to this. Some is good: some not so good. I like that I can enlarge stuff. I wish I could run flash. This is a learning curve for sure.

Thoughts for a Saturday Night...

"Aw jeez!" This is a direct quote from Karl Dinkuhn and Archie Bunker. My brother Jim says it a lot too I have noticed. I'm saying it now because I am so blocked lately with my writing. I mentioned this in my previous post. On FaceBook I posted, "What I'd give for a little inspiration." I've decided to just write whatever is willing to come to my fingers. So here goes:

OU and OSU are playing their annual "Bedlam" game. I am rooting for OSU. I do root for them both during the season but today the Cowboys get my support. (Let me clarify...these Cowboys NEVER those in Dallass!) Personally I think OU is too cocky. I mentioned this to Kevin at work. He claims that their cockiness is what motivates them to win. Yeah, maybe, but this year I want to say, "how's that working out for them?"

Phil is home. He's been in WNY all week to see his family. I encourage this because his mom is 89 and he needs to see her as often as possible. So once again I was home alone. I know many may find that sad...to spend a holiday by myself, but I'm really okay with it. I, of course, didn't accomplish all I had hoped I would while he was away. I haven't done much reading and I certainly haven't done much writing but what can I say. I got plenty of sleep and some much needed spider solitaire played. (That's sarcasm...so you know) I made my own Thanksgiving dinner; took me all of 30 minutes. I watched "The Bucket List." That was a good movie. Jo and Mary came over yesterday and we watched, "The Secret Life of Bees." Jo and I both read the book and planned on seeing the movie together.

Work has got me thinking about something. If a form asks a question, I want it to have an answer. I am in the process of completing CAQH for all of my mid level providers. This is something new because most insurance plans don't credential them...until now. CAQH is a service that insurance plans use to get credentialing information on providers. I complete their online form and insurance plans use the same info to credential the provider. It's a great service. Many of the questions have to have answers. Without answers you can't move forward in the process. Some of the questions, though, apparently do not require answers because not answering them doesn't hinder the completion of the information. Now, I am of the mindset that I want all the questions answered regardless of their importance. This means I'd have to put more time into it and I'm being discouraged to do this by my supervisor. Well, I can go back at a later date and fill in some of the extraneous info but I need to initially get in, get it done and move on. I understand this but at the same time, I want it to be clean, through and tidy from the get go. I know, it's a flaw.

Let's talk Bristol Palin. I am really surprised at how Bristol is so disliked. I just don't get it. People seem to think that she shouldn't have agreed to be on DWTS because she's not a "star." Um...if the producers of the show came to me and said they'd pay me $250,000 just to be on the first week with monetary incentives if I can continue, I'd have to say yes. Why wouldn't she? Don't hold it against her. Some have said she needs to stay in Alaska and take care of her son. Yeah, like he's fending for himself in her absence. I think she's a nice girl who gets a bad rap because of her mother.

Hey, I'm writing! Sort of.

I have a lot to say....

But I'm apparently too lazy to get it down on paper (or blog). I'm taking a class on "Writing for your Grandchildren." Yes, I'm there under false pretense but they don't mind. The problem is that I have nothing to say right now. For some reason I'm not coming up with stories of my childhood to write so I can pass them on to Kate and Jon or Amanda. Mostly I'm not sure they'd really care but maybe they would eventually. I guess they'd like to know about the adventures their dads got into while growing up. Here are some topics:

• The Tornado Story
• Getting Arrested Story (The great train robbery)
• Stories of their Grandparents

They sound like good stories and a great place to start but I'm not motivated at the moment. Well, I haven't been motivated for a while. I paid $80 for this class; I'm going to have to fake it.

I'm home alone for the holiday so I will be back to write more. I need to write more often, I know. Not that any one's reading but if they are...well, let's just say I'm doing it for me.

"Everyone's Different"

I've been hearing this a lot lately because lately I've been judgmental of some people in my life. I have complained about them to my cousin, Julie who lives in Florida. Julie's one of the good ones who doesn't complain about people much. She's big on "living and let live." She sees the good in everyone, a quality (and God love her) I find a little annoying.

I was commenting to her that I have people in my life who generally are not pleasant from time to time. Yeah, I know, everyone has their days but there are some people who have their weeks and it makes me nuts. You know those people who don't like to respond to your humor, who swat at your very existence like you were a gnat that just won't go away? They talk in short choppy sentences. My mother used to do that when she was upset with me, give me those one word answers...
"you okay?"
"fine!"
"you need anything?"
"No."
"Anything wrong?"
"Nope."

Maybe this is why I'm so sensitive to it.

Anyway, Julie's pat response is, "Well every one's different."
I say wearing bowling shoes to work is different; putting strawberry jam on your hamburger is different; playing the bagpipe is different. Being short and unfriendly is not different....it's disrespectful! To call it being "different" is basically rewarding bad behavior...giving justification to something that can't be justified. It's not so much the words that are being said, it's how they are said. It's basically rude and it shouldn't be tolerated. It's like passing gas: you can do it, it's not against any rules or laws but you, generally, don't. If one sqeaks out, you say " excuse me."

What's going through my head recently....(in case you were wondering)

Religion:

I don't go to church. I was raised to believe it was totally optional. Yeah, my mom probably would have had me go...and I did some...but my dad had no use for religion. At least he never shared with me any beliefs. So I've been looking into some different religions. I haven't gone crazy with this project but I did talk to some people at work. In particular a Mormon and a Baptist. I discovered that neither would let me join their church if I were gay. I could come and worship with them whenever I wanted but I couldn't join. This does not directly affect me since I'm not gay but can I really join a church that discriminates like this? I find it hard to believe that God would want that. My God doesn't do that. Now I have to wonder though, where does my God draw the line? I don't think I'd want a convicted pedophile in my congregation. Now, I'm not comparing being Gay to being an evil person: I'm not, but where is the line drawn. The 10 commandments say you shall not murder and that may be a dividing line but what if the murder is justified. What if it was either you kill or be killed? I'm just not sure where the line is drawn.

Being Gay is a Choice:

I know this is an old discussion but I don't think I ever weighed in. Recently on an episode of Glee, Kurt, a gay character on the show, made a great point. Why would he choose to be involved in something that is going to bring such ridicule? That doesn't make sense. I know for sure I didn't choose to be heterosexual. There is no doubt in my mind that I was borne this way. So why would having a desire for the same sex not be something you're borne with? So, I have no problem with there being gay people in this world...none. Now this guy running for Governor in NY has made some statements that were really anti-gay but there is something he said that I have to agree with. If I had children I wouldn't want them to witness a man and a woman getting it on: making out and bumping and grinding in public. I just don't think that is appropriate. Likewise for two men or two woman to be demonstrative as they sometimes are during gay pride parades...well that is wrong. It doesn't matter how healthy their relationship is, it's just not appropriate for public viewing. I have to admit, if I see two men kissing I'm going to turn away faster than I would if it were a man and woman. Does that make me intolerant? Okay....label me.

Quote I must share...

From Laura Bush's book, "From the Heart"....

The English language lacks the words to mourn an absence. For the loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, child or friend, we have all manner of words and phrases, some helpful some not. Still we are conditioned to say something, even if it is only “I’m sorry for your loss.” But for an absence, for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?

How 'bout a little good news?

Phil had a procedure done last week so a biopsy on his prostate could be done. Good news...there were no cancer cells found! Thank you God! We've been waiting for the results and they finally came in! So hallelujah!

Last night, I fell in my living room. I tripped over a box of, believe it or not, Christmas gifts. I landed on my right knee and caught myself with my right hand, thus hurting my wrist. Well, slightly. I was dazed for a few seconds but before I could feel the pain in my knee, I felt the jubilation in my being because....well, I didn't break anything!!!! Falling, or I should say landing did not hurt nearly as much as I had expected it would. I started laughing in celebration at this revelation. I am fearful of falling since my mom had such an awful time with osteoporosis, something I have clearly inherited. (Thanks a lot mom!) And granted, this was indoors but falling isn't as scary as I had allowed myself to believe.

It's good all the way around!

Corporate Review

Yeah...it's that time when the company I work for gives out their annual evaluations to all their employees. I got mine today and I am so pleased. They like me! I've made up the deficiencies of last year. I've exceed expectations on a couple of line items and I'm doing a great job on the rest. It's time to rejoice! All the hard work has paid off. Of course there's always room for improvement and I'm so on board with that. :)

We have core values:

• Compassion
• Attitude
• Respect
• Excellance
• Service

My company really supports these values. I'm so happy to be working there. Life is good.

How I learn

You can't tell me how to do something. Well, you can tell me but it's not going to sink into my little pea brain as well as it would if you showed me. Actually you can't show me either....you have to let me do it. This is the only way I can learn. And then you have to let me play, see how it works if I follow your instructions. I also need to see how it works if I don't follow your instructions. It's like learning how to drive via a coorespondance course. Yeah, I can get the concept but it won't sink in until I've had a chance to get behind the wheel and drive and also to make mistakes. (Hopefully not resulting in a fender-bender or injury)

Randall Shirley puts it this ways:

It's simple really. Think about one of life's earliest lessons - often
taught by our mothers: The Stove Can Burn You.

• Listening learners heard their mother, believed the information, and never touched a stove.


• Seeing learners watched their brother touch the stove, and never touched it.


• Experience learners touched the stove; but only once!

I'm definitely an "experience learner."

There's an old Chinese Proverb that supports this:

I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.

And this is how I roll. :)

Disappointment

Here's the thing...in my last post, I talked about filters. I mentioned that a friend hurt me because she found my disagreement with her frustrating and it surprised me that I had to filter what I say to her instead of speaking my mind. I got to thinking about this some...okay..a lot...and I'm doing the very thing I'm complaining about. I'm asking her to put a filter on it; and this is wrong. Just like I feel like I should be able to say what is on my mind; she has every right to do the same.

What I've determined...and this isn't anything new...is that I need to somehow get a thicker skin. In my defense, though, I have...just, apparently, not thick enough. But that's my issue.

In any event, to her I apologize and say "We're good. It's all good!" Peace.

Friendship and acceptance

Aw....here I go again....finding something else I can't accept. Or at least, not accepting very easily.

My best friend just told me something. Not a life changing thing...not for me but something pretty big. She's made a decision about something. The thing is, it's the first I'm hearing about this decision. I don't know what bothers me more; that her life is changing without me or that she didn't trust me enough to let me know that this decision was in the works; that there was the possibility of this change in her life. I'm saddened because once again, I'm not in on the ground level of something big. Yeah, I know; it's not about me but in a way it is.

Earlier this week another friend and I were discussing something. I was spouting out my opinion; freely, as friends do until she told me she was getting frustrated with me. I know that doesn't sound harsh but coming from her it hurt me. I think now that I was surprised more than anything; surprised that I'm supposed to use a filter when speaking to her. I just never thought I needed one. Okay, yeah, I always have some kind of filter on...I am not going to insult someone but I just never thought I had to watch what I said about how I felt bout something. It's hard to explain without being more specific but I don't want to muddy the water any more.

In high school I read A Separate Peace by John Knowles. As I remember in that book, Finney couldn't accept the fact that his friend had pushed him out of a tree they were both climbing. Finney's leg was broken and eventually he died. His death was somehow linked to the fact that he couldn't accept the idea that his friend did this to him. I can't help thinking about my inability to accept things; friends who disappoint, the deaths of my parents, etc will be my demise. Sorry...I know, so morbid but it is what it is.

Thoughts for a Wednesday Lunch Time

Okay...I'm taking a break from work and feasting on my Healthy Choice meal. It's pretty good actually. Not a bounty of food but it will do the trick until around 3 o'clock. At 3:45 I'm out of here, heading for the eye doctor. I hate going to the eye doctor. I hate it more than going to the gynocologist. Seriously, I'd rather have my cervix dialated. At least with the gyno, he's in and out and over with in no time. The OD, not so fast. He's fiddling around, poking bright shiny things into my soul, dropping acid into my eyes. Okay, it's not acid but it burns like it is. In case you don't know, I'm photophobic. This is not a fear of having my picture taken but the fear of light. Seriously. Here's a secret...if you want to mug me, you don't need a gun. Just use a flashlight. I'm totally defenseless.

I am a pain in the ass!

If you think this, you're not breaking any new ground here. You're just not; no trail blazing for you.

I have a tendency to beat a subject to death. I do it all the time until I clearly understand what it is I'm discussing or until I feel satisfied that you know where I'm coming from. If you want me to stop, just nod and wholeheartedly agree with me. If you can't muster up the wholeheartedly part just give back to me what you believe I am trying to say; allow me to throw in my two-cents and then say you understand. If you don't sound convincing, I'm probably not going to stop until you either walk away or you do sound convincing.

I will sometimes ask for information with the anticipation that what I'm asking will come up. It might not. but I want to be prepared. This may strike you as me asking you unnecessary information. You may feel I'm wasting your time because maybe it won't come up. You may call in unnecessary; I call it being pro-active.

You can't blame me for showing due-diligence. Yes, I may have asked you something two days ago and you didn't have what I needed then. And I may ask you again for it two days later because things change all the time. Yes, you may have told me you'd get it to me as soon as you had it, but I can't rely on that. You have to know, people have said that to me on many occasions and they didn't come through and because I wasn't diligent in getting the info, it shined poorly on me. I can't allow that! Sorry.

This is how I roll.

My Summer Vacation

Aw remember when your summer vacation lasted the whole summer? Yeah, me either. I know, I should have chosen the teaching profession rather than being the semi-professional paper pusher in the managed cared arena. We all have choices. But dang....one week or even two weeks is just not enough.

Here's a recap of my time in sunny Western NY. I've got to tell you, as lousy as the Buffalo area is weatherwise in winter; it's just as beautiful in July. Sure there have been some bummer summers but, fortunately for me, this isn't one of them.

I flew into Buffalo at 12:30 am on Friday, 7/16th. That night I had my 31 year high school reunion. It wasn't a formal reunion-reunion....not a sit down dinner with an open bar; none of that. It was just a bunch of classmates who have reconnected on Facebook, getting together on a planned date at a planned time. It was held at The SouthShore in Angola. The SouthShore is the "old people's" bar..next to Mickey Rats...the 20-something bar that doesn't seem so long ago was our bar. That was back when we all had clear tanned skin, slender builds and aguilty. I can remember referring to The SouthShore as the old people's bar. When I went to Mickey Rats, which didn't happen very often as a 20 year old, and I'd see an older man there glaring at me through barley-hops colored glasses, I'd think he didn't belong there. Yeah, it's a free country but there are just some things you got to let go.

It was great to see so many people I knew in high school. Mostly all the skinny girls are still slender, the bigger girls are either still big or bigger with the excepti0n of a couple (Arlene and Jean, you two look so great!) but the men are basically all bigger. Yeah, there are some exceptions there too, I'm sure. But men, generally, gain the weight regardless how thin they started out as. All in all, we all have to make that journey to SouthShore.

On Saturday, July 18th, I took Jon to his guitar lesson in Hamburg. I looked around at all the guitars; plucked a few and could feel the draw to learn it. I think I'd rather learn the banjo though. It seems to be more my thing; like preferring to drive a VW Bug. After that Jon and I went to Walmart. I turned him on to popcorn chicken which we ate while waiting in the check out line. I discovered that I like bringing new things to people...even fat laced deep fried chicken chunks. He rather enjoyed them. We finished up the cup container during the drive and I could see out of the corner of my eye as he matched my snatching...I took one, he took one, I took one, he took one.

Later that day, I stopped off to see Mrs Nelson, the octogenarian mother of my childhood friend, Lori. I picked up Lori too. We sat on Mrs Nelson's patio and chit chatted for a hour. Later that night, my family ordered Chinese food from China King; Oriental delights from the heart of Angola, NY.

On Sunday, July 18th...my true reason for being here...was Kate's graduation party from high school. Despite the accommodations including only a Johnny on the Spot, it was a good time. Yeah, it's Kate's party and I'm sure she and her friends wouldn't even have to step foot into the tin hut but me; not so much. (That SouthShoreness shines through) It was good to see many of my relatives; ones I only see at weddings, funerals and grad parties.

On Monday, Jim drove me out to see Mama Mahoney. He stayed a bit but left me there. I visited with her for a while and then she let me take her car for the evening. My plan was to have lunch the next day with some of the girls from Jaeckle, my employer prior to moving to Oklahoma. But one of the ladies couldn't make it so I moved it to Tuesday evening.

All week, I've been working on a wall hanging. Jim has a ton of t-shirts he wants to get rid of; some have sentimental attachment. I told him I'm make a wall hanging out of them. So I've been working on this all week...a little here; a little there.

On Tuesday, Jon and I went to Ace, The Dollar General and picked up lunch at Pasquales for Jon, me, Kate and Devin, Kate's boyfriend. Then I went to Getzville, to bring back Mama Mahoney's car. I visited with her a while. Jim picked me up and he and I went to The Anchor Bar to meet up with Chris, Janice, Mickey and Phil from Jaeckle. Janice is the only one still working there. The Anchor Bar is where chicken wings were invented. It was good to see them. I had the chicken wings, mild; I should have ordered them BBQed.

July 21: Meet my friend Sally at Tim Hortons. When I was a kid, I used to babysit Sally's kids. Now those kids are all grown up. Hard to believe they are that old and procreating too.

Tim Hortons is relatively new to Angola. It wasn't here when I first moved to Oklahoma. I worked some more on the wall hanging and then Jim, Kate, Jon and I met up with Ed, Marlene and Amanda at the Colony House in Irving. I had the Colossal Beef on Weck. It was exactly that. Later Jim rented "Men Who Stare at Goats.' We didn't finish it. There was 90 minutes I'll never get back.

Thursday, July 22nd: I was back to Tim Hortons for their chicken ceasar salad wrap; this time with Tami, Jim's soon to be ex Mother in Law. It was nice to catch up with her. Even though Jim and Debi have split up, Jim will always be connected to her family...this is a good thing.

I took Jon to Ed's and Kate and I went to the mall. She had rec'd a $50 gift card for JC Penneys. She did well, buying off the sales rack....like her ol' Aunt Eva's been telling her to for years. Personally, I'd like to shop at the thrift store but Kate...not so much. That evening, Jim and I went to Ed's house for pizza and wings. Jon was there still. Kate had other plans. I even jumped with Amanda on her trampoline. That was fun.

Friday, 7/23....Jim, Jon and I met Uncle Bob at Applebees for lunch. Uncle Bob is my dad's only brother. He is 87 years old but he's in great shape; still drives. He's sometimes hard of hearing but then some times he surprises me with having heard something that was said from across the table. I had this God awful headache and asked Jim and Jon to cut their shopping short. All I wanted to do was lay down; which I did when we got home. Jim rented "Dan in Real Life" which he and I watched on his back patio. This was a movie we liked. My headache subsided. :)

And that's it. In a nutshell.

Is there a defense for speeding?

I got stopped for speeding on Thursday night. Yeah, me; the one who is a stickler for obeying the rules; the one who gets mad when someone speeds by me in a huff while I'm doing the speed limit. When I saw the cop lights on behind me and the siren demanding I pull over, my first thought was that something had malfunctioned on my car...a brake light was out or he must want to talk to me about something that only I can help him with. Something...but not speeding. Speeding didn't even cross my mind when I asked him if I was doing something wrong.

He took my license and insurance card and said he'd be back as he went to his car. I imagine, but I have no direct knowledge of this, that he was calling in my license number to see if I was a perpetual offender of the rules. Surely he'd come back to me with a warning...surely. Not a chance. He claims I was doing 50 mph in a 40.

So how do you defend yourself? What comes to mind I think are things surely to get me in more trouble.

"Sorry sir, I just wasn't paying attention."

"I was on the phone with my husband."

No, those don't sound like good defenses, even to me. I might as well tell him I was putting my make up or texting my friend. Awww....

This is going to cost me $161!

Can I go to court and just apologize? Can I explain to them that I'm really a good law abiding citizen and if they lowered the fine it would be the right thing to do?

Or do I just pay it? The officer said it won't effect my insurance since it's not over 10 mph. Aw...grrrrr....crap. My bad.

Oh the benefits of having a blog!

It's my blog and I'll cry if I want to...cry if I want to.

Aw...yes, I sometimes write what's on my mind and yes, sometimes it means I'm just spouting out at the finger tips. But this is the beauty of having a blog. You say what you feel and yes, it's based on my own preception. It's my thoughts. And yes, there are other sides to the story. Things that bug me, for example, the Chinese food bit below, can, no doubt, be totally justified...whoever brought in the food could have been out and about on their lunch hour and decided at the last minute to get it; she could be a person that doesn't like to partake in the responsibility of placing other people's orders...there's a whole host of reasons but since I don't know them....I see what I see and I write about it as I see it. That's the amazing thing about having your own blog! Truly.

Now, unlike Jay Leno who I thought was totally unfair to Monica Lewinsky during whole "I did not have sex with that woman!" debunkle, a blog not only presents my opinions but I allow comments! So if anyone disagrees or thinks I'm being one-sided (which truly I am) they are so welcome to share! Yeah...I encourage it!