Dear God....

I know I've been calling on you a lot lately but I have to tell you, I don't see an end in sight. Truth be told, this last chemo session has really kicked my butt, so much that I fear the next go around. I know I have a lot of people talking to you on my behalf and I hope it's okay if I ask for myself as well. It's been over two weeks since the fifth chemo treatment and I'm still feeling the side affects. I know you know what they are: the fatigue, inability to find food that I find worthy of eating; the saltiness of the water I try so hard to force myself to drink; the numbness in my fingertips and toes to the point that I have to keep shaking them so they don't fall asleep; the constant pain in my legs, my joints and the just plain over all crappy feeling. In the past, this has lessened a lot sooner but each treatment becomes worse than the last. I totally fear the next one. The only saving grace is, it will be the last. You willing, dear Lord! I don't think I can take more of this if it is not.
Please dear God, let there me an "all clear" at the end of this.
I never knew how much I loved food; going out and about, doing my own thing; taking a shower without collapsing from the effort. I never knew how much I loved my job; how little of an inconvenience it was to be on hold with Medicare for 30 minutes, how much I loved completed forms with PFD Professional, using my scanner, communicating with my insurance rep contacts and office managers of the clinics to whom I provide a serve. How I can't wait to get back to it. I love making order out of chaos and my job could be chaos if I let it. Before I had left, I had that under control. I can't wait to do it again when I get back. Having my job to get back to is one of the things that keeps me sane.
There is so much I have that's good in my life and I thank you so much each day. Thank you for my husband...he is my best friend and has been so good to me through all this craziness. Thank you for my family and my friends. I'm so grateful for my home, my car, some money in the bank. I have been truly blessed and I know I owe it all to you.