2ND Chemo session down - BIG UPDATE

Before the update, let me take this time to thank all my friends for their wonderful support. I can not believe how great everyone is being, rooting for me and sending me their positive vibs. Seriously, you all rock! In this picture, please see the wonderful Healing Angel Tile my sweet friend Gemma from NY sent me. You might not be able to read it so here is what it says:


Healing Angel

The mission of
this Angel's watch
Is hope we'll find a cure;
For all the ills
that face our lives,
Through faith
we will endure.

Also in the picture is this cool box that my boss Andrea filled with organic lollipops, gumballs, tummy tea, a gift card for Chilis and also shown a journal. Thank you Gemma and Andrea....that was so sweet!

The Update
As you may recall my white blood cell count was up to 33 last week. Well, as time goes by, that drops...a lot. Fortunately it only dropped to 10.3 so I was still on the high side of normal so my chemo did, indeed, happen.

Before that, I met with Dr Toma. She says, based on her observation (no diagnostic measures) that the tumor has shrunk! Good news! I hesitate to get too excited because this is just an observation based on her memory of three weeks ago and given the number of boobs walking through her door each day....it's hard for me to believe I really stand out of the crowd that much. On the other hand, she did tell me today that this is the biggest tumor she has seen since 1994. Seriously! So maybe I do stand out! After she told me that, I wanted so much to ask the outcome of that woman but I was too afraid of her answer, so I didn't.

Now for the plan: I thought I only had four chemo treatments. I was wrong. I will be having a total of 6. This will bring me to July. I will probably have surgery in August and three/four weeks later I will have DAILY radiation for six weeks! Sounds like a pretty rough row to hoe but we're in this to cure it, not just make it feel comfortable.

So far, I feel okay right now. I had a friggin headache all day but it's finally gone. My stomach is doing okay so far but that has a tendency to change fast. This weekend I will be taking it easy. I am so hoping to feel okay for work on Monday but time will tell.

Update

I went to work on Monday for a few hours. It was rough. I wish I was one of these cancer patients who could do Chemo on Friday and be fine by Monday. Okay, I wish I wasn't a cancer patient at all but if I have to be one....a strong one would be best. It's been two weeks since my Chemo and I'm still wiped out by it.

On Tuesday I slept a lot and prepared for a procedure on Wednesday (today) that embarrasses me to no end; to the point I can't even tell you but it has to do with Miralax and gowns that open in the back.

Everyone is telling me to rest; that my body needs rest to fight this crazy thing but the more sleep I get the more I'm not convinced any amount of sleep will make a difference. The only thing it does is make me feel better for a while.

I want to get back to work, to normal even calling and being on hold with Medicare for 35 minutes before a representative is able to help me. I want to get back to my L shaped office, to my desk that sits where the horizontal line meets the vertical; to my noisy printer that sounds like that big truck with the giant wishbone that picks up the dumpster in the parking lot each time I hit print. I want to get back to my file cabinets that I seem to forgot to lock like I'm supposed to. I just want to be normal! If I could go back to that, I'd never complain...EVER!

Family Medical Leave

First, let's start with a disclaimer: I'm not complaining here I'm merely pointing out an oddity about the FMLA rule, okay? I know the government put this act into place to protect me but I find it odd that a good employer who qualifies for the act will ask an employee to sign the papers. A good employer will actually say, "here's the FMLA forms to protect you from us." Please tell me if that seems a little ... off?

The forms will protect a worker from being dismissed if the employee needs to take time off to care for an ill family member or has a baby or has a serious illness themselves. It's a great law but I can't help but wonder when the other shoe will drop. It equals to "sign this form and I won't hit you in the head." When the logical thing to do is just not hit me in the head. I guess I've just been spoiled with good employers all my life.

Now for some non-Cancer chit chat...

In this week's People Magazine, Jennifer Lopez says,

"I feel lucky to be an attractive person, but I've always felt that real beauty always comes from your heart."

When I first read this quote I thought, "kind of arrogant don't you think?" But after giving it some thought I've changed my mind. It's really no different than me saying,

"I feel lucky to be a funny person and I've always thought that real humor comes from your funny bone."

In other news....I can't believe ABC is cancelling One Life to Live. I've been watching this soap since I was 15. Of course only when I was home sick or on school breaks and then during a brief time before the invention of VCRs. I remember Samantha and Will Vernon (brother/sister) and Jenny and Will and Marco, and Karen the hooker who cheated on Dr Larry. Aw...so sad that they are pulling the plug on this one

My brother, Jim and my nephew Jon will be here tonight! Yes, they are staying for a week. I'm so glad they are coming but I feel bad because I'm not really up to do much of the site seeing thing. They understand. They're going to have to do most of their exploring on their own but they're okay with that. Phil was off all week with his surgery so he can't take any more time off either. I have procedures going on this week so if I'm up to doing anything it's going to have to be work. But I'll see them in the evenings. It'll be fun.

White Blood Cells make a rebound

As I posted a few days ago, my white blood cells had dropped to .7 which basically meant my immune system didn't exist. As I reported yesterday on Facebook, my WBC are up! Thanks to those shots I was getting I now have a surplus. The normal high is 10.8...mine is 33.3! Yepper...like three times what I need. This is good news because it means my chemo set for 4/22 should happen. I'm dreading it but I know it has to happen so it's all good. The thing about having a surplus though is that, like having too little, your bones ache. I just keep reminding myself this is a good ache. I did manage to go into work for a couple hours yesterday but by the time I left, I was absolutely exhausted. Getting my sorry butt over to CS was all the energy I could muster. And to top it off my port didn't want to cooperate. Glella, the RN really had to work it to get it to draw but by golly she finally did. Of course the good news about the WBC count made it all worth it. I do not have to go back to CS until 4/22 when I do lab, see Dr Toma and get my next chemo treatment. Today I had to see a Digestive Disease specialist. I have all kinds of fun stuff in store for myself this coming week....things I don't care to go into detail but it has to do with Marilax....Yikes....but it's got to be done and I'd rather do it before chemo than after.

Here's an oldie but a goodie...

I told this joke at CS today. It's such a old one...I think I was telling it when I had surgery in 1979 so I was surprised the nurses there hadn't heard it.

"What does it mean when a nurse has a rectal thermometer behind her ear?"

"Some asshole has her pen..."bhahahahahahahaha.

I know...an oldie but a goodie for sure.

Today I had plans to push myself and go into work for a couple hours then go to CS for my shot. I was concerned I might have a fever still so I decided to go to CS first and get my shot and have my temp taken. Well, my temp was normal but I'm so dehydrated from....yeah, guess what, you can fill in the blank there....that I had to have 90 minutes of fluids pumped through me via my port. Needless to say, I never made it to work.

I'm really hoping to go in tomorrow though at least for a few hours before I get my shot and more lab work. I'd like to see where my white cell numbers are now. Plus I think my blood cultures should be ready to tell me what's going on with why my count is so low despite the shots. I think I'm understanding this all correctly. Guess we'll see.

Man time flies when your white blood cells go into the tank..

From what I understand, a normal healthy person's white cell count should be between 4.8 and 10.8 whatever units they use to measure this. We knew chemo would wreak havoc on mine so the doctor had me get daily shots of a drug designed especially for this purpose...to keep them elevated during chemo. 7 days after chemo and 5 shots later, my number is at .7...yeah...point 7....not even a whole unit! This is not a good thing. The doctor has given me a very strong antibotic that I think is really working. When I was at the CS yesterday, my temp was 102. today it was 99. I don't have the chills either so I do think we're going in the right direction. I'm just going to have to continue with those shots for a few more days. The big plan is to get the white cells back up before the 22nd because they won't do chemo unless they are and holding up this process is NOT in my best interest.

This thing is kicking my ass...

I was really doing so well right after my chemo on Monday. On Tuesday, my stomach wasn't real happy and I was a little tired so I figured, I'd be fine if this is all that happens. Truth is, this is really kicking my ass. Yesterday, I bearly made it through the day...ended up leaving at 2:15 for CSofOK for my shot. I was basically weepy all day...like when you feel so fatigued your either want to laugh or cry but given the pain in my joints I had no choice but to chose the latter. It was like this carrot on the stick dangling in front of me....get the shot, go home, take a Lortab and call it a day. I told Phil I really needed something bad...like a hot fudge sundae from Braums....lactose intolerance be damned. By golly, I deserved it. (And it was so good) If I had to go to work today, there's no way I could do it. The nurses at the CS say next week should be better because the chemo will loose some of it's meanness. God, I hope so. I have one more shot on Monday and then I'm not back there until the 18th for lab work and then the Chemo starts again on the 22nd. So I'll have a little reprieve. I hope.

The truth is....

I've been getting a lot of messages from people who are basically impressed at my positive attitude and good humor during this whole ordeal. The truth is....I really didn't think I had a choice. Honestly. I'm so afraid to turn people away ...for them to start avoiding me, "oh, no there's Eva...I don't want to get into a big long discussion on how her chemo is going." So I feign a lot. Not everything, but a lot.

It's like I'm in my first trimester....everyone is so interested to see how it's going, how I'm feeling but eventually, it'll start to get old and boring to hear how sick I'm getting or how much weight I've gained (or lost) and what the doctor says is going to happen. Of course, with a pregnancy, the outcome is usually positive. Well, the outcome here will be positive too but not something I can take and nurture for 18 years and then send off to college.

The truth is, after only one chemo treatment, I am already exhausted. My joints ache like crazy and if napping were allowed at work, I'd be the poster child for taking good healthy breaks. I will say, I'm not feeling sick much. A few times I did but nothing so bad. Modern science seems to have controlled that part pretty good. My biggest complaint is my joint pain. Between the shots I take and one of the chemos, this is normal and should subside after a few days of each treatment. I learned that today and that was music to my ears.

It was a singing port-a-gram!

I misquoted on my last post. I didn't have a "port scan" it was a "Port-a-gram!" And I'm happy to say, my port was singing! Yep, nothing wrong with that baby. It just didn't want to function yesterday but it's full steam a head. I got my shot for my White Blood count. Apparently, Dr Toma really thinks I need it even though my levels are good at the start. But these three chemo drugs can wreck a little havoc on white blood cells...so it's a good thing we're doing it. Now saying that from a health standpoint is one thing but from a financial stand point....um...not so much. My share...my 20/80 portion of the bill for each treatment is a grand! Yep. It's $5000 a pop! I mean, thank God for insurance. I'm so fortunate to have insurance even if this is taking a huge chunk out of my savings. But still....that's a bitter pill to swallow. That's Green Devil! :) But it's all good! Not complaining, really!

First Chemo is down

Well, it's be a long day. A very long day. But I had my pity party and as my friend Maggie said, I need to put my big girlie panties on and get tough again. It turns out that my Port-o-Matic isn't working as it is designed. The nurses at Cancer Specialists of OK tried every which way to get it to draw blood. I had to look right all the way, then left all the way, then flex my muscles, then stand up, then recycle back. They had three nurses try but it just wouldn't draw blood. The assured me that it could still be used to do the chemo...well, then they said they couldn't do it after all via the port because if it's not drawing, they really couldn't be comfortable running powerful chemicals aimless through my system. For that apprehension I thank them. So, I had to do the chemo the old fashion way...telepathically....just kidding...via my veins.

This is a long process. First I get some anti-nausea medication with some steroids (yeah, there goes my professional status in my chosen sport). Then came the Red Devil. Ryan the RN doesn't like to call it that though because it paints such an ugly picture of this seemly benign drug. Sorry Ryan....it is the Devil. It is, indeed, red and I have to chew on ice during the 15 minute process where Ryan is actually sitting with me administrating this through my IV. It's not just hanging from the IV pole; he's actually pushing it through so he can monitor it; make sure my line is constantly good, that there is a blood back up to prove it. After that, the next drug is a little precarious too but it is allowed to flow freely from my IV. I have a little bell next to me that I have been instructed to "ding" in the event I feel itchy, have intense back pain, or feel anything unusual. Apparently the RNs are conditioned to come a running when I "ding" then. Fortunately, I did not have to check this out firsthand. That drug took 50 minutes. Then the last one took another 45. And then I was done. Yeah.

Tomorrow I have to go back to the hospital for "Port-Scan" to see if the port is working or installed properly. It could be that drawing from it just won't happen but it will still be used for the next three treatments. The scan will tell if things going in are okay even if blood coming out isn't going to happen. It's kind of a bummer because, by golly, I paid good money for that Port, you'd think I'd get what I paid for, by golly. (Someone's goin' get an ass whippin!)

After that I have to go back to the Chemo place and get a shot ...in the stomach...because apparently my white cell count is too low. I'm going to have to have a shot every day until Monday.

I see people today though who I can tell are in worse shape than I am...so I really can not complain. I just have to remind myself of this.

I've been "Portificated"

Port is in. Grrrr....not the most comfortable thing but I'm sure it will feel better once it heals more. It's just a matter of time. At the hospital every nurse asked me my name, date of birth and why I was in the hospital. After the sixth time I told Maurice (Or was in Clarence?) asked me, what is Dr Hemrick doing for you today? I replied, "I'm getting a hysterectomy." Maurice or Clarence looked a little shocked until I said, "April Fools!" Bhahahaaa.... So port is in and my chemo is set for Monday afternoon. I'm getting the mega dose....Red Devil Chemo. I had to pick up my anti-nausea meds today from CVS. There are five of them, one of which is a suppository...good grief! Okay....one day at a time here. Stay tuned.