The Upside to having a mastectomy

If you flash someone and he turns out to be a cop he can't give you a ticket for indecent exposure!  Bahahahahahaha.......

Oncology Office visit Report

I saw Dr Toma this morning. Here is what I found out.

• I am down 27 lbs from when this all started. Dr T wants me to gain at least 12 lbs back. I wasn't overweight to start with but I don't want to gain more than 15 lbs.
• Dr T says that Dr Henric did a great job with my surgery. She was very pleased with it.
• Dr T wants me to increase my prescription to hopefully fix my neuropathy since that is still an issue. Hopefully it will but she says it's not out of the question that this never gets back to normal. I may always have problems with it. Let's just hope not; let's hope the additional medication helps.
• Dr T wants me to walk 10 minutes a day for now. She told me that studies have shown that woman who have had breast cancer who walk 30 minutes a day are less likely to have a re-occurrence. This is definitely food for thought.
• I thought that I'd be getting a scan of some sort to see if I'm cancer free. Dr T says she will not be doing a PET scan or an MRI. PET scans are used to see if cancer has spread; not to see if cancer is detected. I didn't know this. She says I am as cancer-free as anyone is. My radiation and an anti-cancer pill (I'll be taking for 5 years) should ensure a cancer-free status.
• Did you know that if breast cancer spreads to your lungs or liver or another major organ you can not be cured? I didn't realize this. I am so fortunate that my cancer did not spread. If it had, the best Dr T could do was give me time. That's so majorly scary.

So, all in all, I am very lucky! I will see the radiologist on September 9th. I'll have more info about that then. Stay tuned.

Stop my Body I want to get out

As I posted on Facebook today, I got my drains out yesterday. Aw man I was so happy. Before going to the surgeon I was in the shower crying my eyes out asking for God to please let the drains come out. I think I wanted this more than the surgery to be over. It was so uncomfortable. Well, the Dear Lord listened and the drains came out. It was so simple. Dr H just snipped at the stitch and took them out. I had my eyes closed so I have no idea what was actually happened. Many had told me it was going to hurt but fortunately for me: no pain. None. Hallelujah!

Now here comes the really weird part. After Flora took me home, she and I were visiting in my living room. All was well until my legs started twitching...more like I just couldn't keep them still. I told Flo about it that I had to get up and walk around. We made our way into the kitchen and still my legs just wanted to run a marath0n or something. Flo sensed that I needed to rest so she left. As the afternoon went on it got worse and worse. Even my arms wouldn't stay still. I couldn't read or write or even Facebook because I couldn't stay still. So I took a relaxing bill that was prescribed to me to help with the anxiety of getting cancer. It didn't help much. I would lay down but it was ridiculous; I was like a live fish on the beach, trying to flop my way back to water. I know this sounds crazy but it was happening. I decided to try to take a walk but the relaxing pill was making me dizzy so I came back and tried to lay down again. Fish flopping resumed.

In my confused state I remembered that my Percoset said I could take 2 pills at a time. I got this confused with my relaxing pill and I took another. By the time Phil came home I was a mess. I was still flopping around but as I walked I was running into stuff. I had so little control. Jo came over and it looked like I was having what she thought was "restless body syndrome." We're not even sure this exists. I barely remember much of it. It was like I was drunk. I even called Dr Toma's office but had to leave a message. I kind of remember doing that but I have no idea what I said on the message. Vicki from her office called back but talked to Phil because I was in and out of sleep. Jo left, deeply concerned. Finally I did sleep. I didn't have any dinner. I woke up a couple times during the night but went back to bed. This morning I got up and moved to sofa and slept a little more. It was so weird. Now I'm afraid to eat sugar or caffeine.

Nothing to spoil my freedom from those lousy drains, for sure. If anyone can relate to anything I just said, please let me know. Cause I'm baffled.

But better times ahead! :)

Still not used to this boob-less status

If you watch Direct TV you get a lot of channels to pick from. I'm still learning where the ones I like are so I end up scrolling through the guide. Did you know that there is a Bra infomerical on one channel or another every other hour? Seriously. I catch myself getting involved in it...There's the Aaagh Bra and the Genie Bra and this morning The View had a segment on where they got ladies in the audience to do a bra challenge. Several ladies volunteered to show their bra-covered hooters in exchange for a free bra from Playtex. And there I was watching it, saying "oh, that's pretty." Not one of them was wearing a mastectomy bra. Why is that? We're an audience. I suppose I could buy these bras and get creative. (That's all for now....more soon.)

Cookies and other good things

OMG, I'm eating the best cookies ever! And my taster is really liking them. That's the amazing part. Yeah, it's not love yet but it's getting there. These great cookies came in the mail today from Carolina Cookies and were sent to me by Jan Moore and Chris Yawney, two co-workers from my days at Jaeckle Fleischmann. Here's a picture of the cute box they came in and also that of Becca who is waiting patiently for me to give her one. (I didn't) But isn't she adorable?

Okay, now for the report from Dr Hemric....I have to keep the drains in. This sucks but I can take a shower. He wants me to keep the bandage off so air can get into it. It feels very naked without the bandage. I have removed the compression bandage which he said I don't need since the drains are in still. He gave me the physical prescription for Percoset but I wasn't able to get in filled since Phil had to get back to work but he'll pick it up on his way home. Also, regarding the lymph nodes he removed, he took out 8 of them, one had cancer cells. It would be better if none did, but one out of 8 is still good.

I still can't drive. I can start to exercise my arms but I think just using them is exercise. I had to make Phil carry my bag because it was just too heavy. He was really good about that even though it didn't match his shoes. But I can carry some things. Yesterday I folded clothes out of the dryer. That was kind of an exercise. I didn't lift the basket when I was done though, I know my limits.

Dr Hemric promised the drains will come out next week. Yeah! So we're on the right track! Stay tuned.

One week boob free

I need to write. So I have this new keyboard that lets me write fairly fast on my IPad and I really haven't used it. I need to record important things like...

Today I took a crap. It's been over a week so I really believe this is a good thing. Surgery really screws you up. So does morphine and Percoset because they hinder the flow of number two on the intestinal dial. Yeah, so glad I just shared this.

I really want these drains out. (Pictured pinned to the edge of my shirt in the mirror.) I so hope Dr Hemric takes them out tomorrow. I'm down to my last two Percoset. I can't have Dr Hemric's office call in the prescription because it's a controlled substance. I have to physically go to his office; get a written prescription and physically bring it to CVS for it to be filled. In this day and age of electronic everything, I'm surprised by this stone-aged way of doing it. I suppose the extra work of getting it is supposed to discourage me from getting addicted. I have no other choice but wait until tomorrow.

I have an idea for a story to write but I'm not sure if I can really make it into a story. It's about a woman who turns her back on her friend who has breast cancer. It's purely fiction because friends don't do that. Friends are with you every step of the way. Friends don't block you on Facebook either. I can understand not wanting to be someones friend on Facebook but to actually block you; to add her name to the list of people you don't want to know anything about even though you share other friends..well, it just doesn't seem like a friendly thing to do even in fiction. It seems hurtful and mean, especially if the person is going through a dreadful disease. I will have to think of something more ...something to make the story more plausible. Maybe I should include all the friends I have on FB who have really been there for me. I owe Facebook a lot. Who would have thought that?

Time of my soap. Later gator.

Facebook Response:

· Brian J. Walker Wow. I've been away, and had no idea all of that was going on. Good luck with your recovery!

· Maggie McGill Wallum Those drains are a pain. And, they are gross, but they will be gone soon. And, you'll have more drugs!! Win Win. :)

· Arlene Yeates Cooper You have a gift for writing -
Be it fact or fiction, we will read it !

· Sheri Graves I only wish I could write as half as good as you. I have so much in my head I wish I could write down but when I try the words escape me. Good luck tomorrow. I sure hope those drains come out for you. Honestly Eva, I wonder the same thing about medications... Jordan has been on the same meds since he was 5 years old and I still have to go to the dr every 30 days to get a hand written prescription, take it to the pharmacy and pick it up, all within a 24 hr period. Talk about inconvenient!! lol GOOD LUCK !!!

· Eva Mahoney Boobs are so over-rated Eva. Just look at all those tall flat chested girls...what do they call them... Oh, yeah, supermodels. :)

· Gemma Zotara The person who blocked you on FB you DO NOT need...they are not your Friend. You have so many Friends who love you, care about you, pray for you, support you and will be with you through your recovery, your ups and downs. Do not focus on on what you no longer have but what you have today and will have in the future. Love you!♥

· Eva Dinkuhn Mahoney Gem...I know this. I just can't believe someone could be so cold-hearted.

Quote of the day

"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes." --William Gibson

Not that this applies lately.

Making Progress - I'm a survivor!

I was worried about the compression; did I have enough or could I loosen it a bit so I wasn't so uncomfortable? I wasn't sure. Last night, my neighbor Jamie who is a nurse, came over and took a look at my wrapping and said I could loosen it a bit. She made me feel so much better; just knowing I was doing it right. She said, based on the lack of spotting on the bandage (not the compression one) that it looked good. She also said that if my fluids are getting less than I might be able to get rid of these darn drains. I think most of my pain is coming from the drains..where they are inserted in my body.

I am sure that the worse is over. As I suspected, as well as all my friends, I'm going to be a breast cancer survivor! I knew this all along but now I can really wrap my fuzzy brain around it.

I see my surgeon on Thursday. I would imagine he'd have the results of my lymph nodes...if there was any cancer in them. I had the BRCA testing done and it was negative. This is very good news. It's all good news.

Facebook Response: · Mary Jo Borzelleri Miller Praise the Lord, Eva!

• Sheri Graves You ARE a survivor! You are an inspiration to women every where. You are MY HERO! =D
• Maggie McGill Wallum You ARE kickin' some cancer ASS!
• Suzanne Leone Hummel Very Inspired...I wish I was half the woman you are ♥
• Arlene Yeates Cooper Love seeing you say those words- you are more than a Survivor !
• JoAnn DeFilippo Zoda Eva...so glad you are doing better! You certainly are an inspiration!
• Holly Hecker I love the way Maggie put it, Eva - you sure are kickin' some cancer ass!! You go, girl! (And feel better and better every day.)
• Gemma Zotara Just read your blog...so happy to hear the good news...you truly are amazing and we all knew you would beat it, and now you can believe it too! So very happy for you!♥:)
• Janice Moore It was great talking to you yesterday - you sound just like your old self! Your are truly a "survivor" in every way and things will just keep getting better from now on!

Best card

I got a card from Mary Jo that has such a wonderful verse on it I want to share it here. It is written by Catherine Slater.

We want to believe
the world is understandable.
That life is fair,
That things make sense.
We want to believe
that if we're careful enough,
work hard enough,
try hard enough,
we and those we love
will be safe from anything bad.

It's one of the biggest questions
human wrestle with -
why things sometimes aren't fair.
But even though we don't always have
a neat answer to why things happen,
we do have each other...
and we have our faith.

Just a simple kind of faith
that somehow, someday,
suffering will end,
good will be rewarded,
love will endure,
pain will be forgotten,
light will scatter darkness,
and our spirits will go on.

My Brother's visit

Aw, I'm sad to know that Jim is leaving tomorrow. It's been so great having him here this week. He's been a super help for me and for Philip.

Besides being there for us while I went through surgery and recovery, he's also a real handy guy to have around the house. While he was here, we had a couple nasty storms come through. On the morning of my surgery, we had no power as we got ready to go to the hospital. The straight line winds knocked down a couple panels in our fence. Jim was able to temporarily fix it until we are able to get it more permanently replaced. On Monday, Jim and I went to Home Depot and got a ceiling fan/light for the kitchen. Jim started the project at 11:30 and had it up and running around 2pm. It's very nice. It doesn't wobble at all. He did such a great job.

Jim's always in a great mood. Even when it's 100 degrees outside. He went to Home Depot and got two misters to cool us off while I BBQed Chivetta Chicken on Sunday. They worked out great, spraying out a cool fine mist. I don't have to ever worry about entertaining Jim while he's visiting. He's so self-sufficient. He's either on the computer, on the phone, out back misting or going for a walk. He walks a lot...even when it's over 100 degrees out.
He's a great brother! Always has been!

Surgery is over!

So my boobs are gone. They are bandaged plus they are bound up pretty tight. I have four drains. They dump into these four little Christmas tree ornament shaped receptacles. Really look like ornaments and mostly what is collected is blood, they really look Christmas-like. Sorry to be so graphic.

Wednesday morning our power went out when a storm came through. We had to get ready by flashlight/cell phone light/candlelight. We got to the hospital at 5:20am.

I posted on Facebook:

Eva Dinkuhn Mahoney
Is at Integris to be de-boobed and de-ported. :)

• Gail Tedder Good luck sweetie will be praying for you.
• Arlene Yeates Cooper You're a trooper - best wishes for speedy recovery - Make sure hubby or bro let us know how you are doing!
• Jessica Pearson Anderson Prayers for you. Kick that cancer to the curb! Speedy recovery, please
• Chic Ciccarella Bazydlo ‎*++**+*++*+*+*+**+*+*+*+*​*++**+*+ I'm there with you my friend
• Nita Hedrick Benefield Eva ~ It's been 3 years since I had mine, I know what you're feeling and this too will pass. You have a lot of love and support from family and friends who will keep you strong. Sending you prayers. ♥
• Timothy Corcoran Thinking about you...
• Sarah Shanaway Lane Prayers
• Kimberly Abram Thoughts and prayers with you today!!!!! : )
• Peter Marion thoughts!!!
• Renee Pinto Stonitsch prayers for you, Eva.
• Bill Giroux Hope everything goes according to plan.
• Gemma Zotara Love and Prayers♥♥♥\
• Carla Ellison Steffan Thinking of you
• Susan Keffer Praying for you :)
• Holly Hecker Sending you strength, luck and love!
• Lynn Patterson Keeping you in my prayers Eva......much love to you
• Mary Jo Borzelleri Miller Hugs, Eva.
• Kim Dahlberg I'm praying for you!!
• Jean Marchant Berry ♥ ♥
• Tim J Doyle In our prayers,love !!
• Romy Romano Wishing you well, in every sense of the word, Eva.
• Belinda Davis Eva, whatever the term you are in my prayers and I wish a quick and full recovery for you. I also like your new hair cut.
• Phyllis Grogan Thinking only good thoughts for you!
• Christine M. Ralph Stay Strong, Eva, you are on the way to a speedy recovery. You take care and rest up to getcha back to HEALTH.That is all that matters. You have a great attitude to continue to draw your strength from.
• Daryl Moore My prayers are with you Eva.
• Carole Lopez Angels are on the doctors shoulders ensuring all goes well. With them are prayers on each wing feather!
• Linda Just Sending healing light through prayer for across the miles.
• Joann Ellis Eva, you are in the hands of an amazing God. My prayers are with you.
• Kitty Keohane Scott Stay strong. I know you can get through this ordeal Eva.

By 6:30 I was in my room prepping for surgery. I talked with the anesthesiologist and then Dr Hemric at 8am. I was wheeled down to the OR and the next thing I knew I was in recovery. The surgery took two hours but it felt like 2 minutes. I really don't remember how I got to my in-patient room. It's all a blur. I was pretty much in and out until later in the afternoon. My friend Jo Jo came in after she was done with work shortly after 4pm. Glen, her husband came by for a while too. They went to dinner but came back. My other friend, Mary came over too. I was pretty high on morphine by then. I posted on FB to let everyone know I was fine:

Eva Dinkuhn Mahoney

Hey all! I'm doing pretty good (high as a kite) but not bad. I'll be blogging soon...stay tuned.

• Kitty Keohane Scott good, good, good!
• Christine Ferguson Yawney the light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter all the time, Eva! soon this will all be behind you!
• Randy Snyder Good for you!!!!
• Crystal Crawford Cox Glad it went well!
• Renee Pinto Stonitsch More prayers for you!
• Arlene Yeates Cooper Awesome!
• Mary Ann Phillips great Eva enjoy the buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
• Jamie McGugan Keller I am so glad your doing better!! Prayers are sending your way and thinking of you all!
• Mary Jo Borzelleri Miller glad to hear it, take all the good drugs you can.
• Linda Just So glad to hear it!
• Jeff Morris I am HAPPY your doing well Eva!!!GOD BLESS YOU,my friend.
• Nita Hedrick Benefield So happy you've got it behind you. The few weeks just take care of Eva!!! Stay Strong... :-)
• Margaret Dick High as a kite is good!
• JoAnn DeFilippo Zoda Eva...glad to hear you are doing good! High as a kite isn't a bad thing! Get some rest...keep us posted. Prayers are with you
• Holly Hecker That is great, Eva! Enjoy the high (because goodness knows, they will wean you off it soon enough). Hope you have a good night tonight - and tomorrow, when they want you up and moving around, do it even though if is hard, because it will speed your healing. I promise!
• Gemma Zotara So glad you are doing well and high as a kite...enjoy the buzz while you can...hope you continue to feel well every moment of every day. I will keep praying for you and sending you healing thoughts and prayers!♥
• Maureen Harrison so glad to know youre doing okay....continued prayers your way! cant wait for the blog..
• Melanie Willoughby hope everything went well, get well soo
• Suzanne Leone Hummel Great news Eva...your positive attitude is amazing!!
• Janice Moore Glad to hear you're doing well - I'll bet you're glad it's over! Better days are coming!!
• Joann Ellis STAY STRONG.......
• Patty Puckett So glad to hear you are doing pretty good. Will watch for more news.
• Melanie Willoughby if you would like, i can come and visit sometime in the near future, now that my daughter is done with her divorce and almost settled. we have to help her move some more stuff in the next couple of weeks that she has at my house back to Kansas City

Wednesday night was a different story. The morphine gave me a headache. Wednesday night/Thursday morning became the longest night of my life. I'd dosed off but when i woke up I thought a couple hours had passed when only 15 minutes had gone by. It was like the opposite of what had happened when I was in surgery but it went on all night. My headache finally went away this morning. Dr Hemric came to see me and let me go home. So now I'm home figuring out what I can do and can't do. Well, no lifting much of anything. No showers. I see Dr Hemric next Thursday. Hopefully I will be able to get rid of the Christmas Ornaments.

As part of this permanent record I need to include these Facebook well wishers:

Deb Rauch

Good luck to you, my friend! I'm so sorry to hear what you've been going through.

Lee Harmon Eva, You are always in my thoughts!
Good luck today, Eva.

Brian Anderson Good luck today, Eva.

Tammie Schmitz-Anderson Thinking of you today and so sorry that you have to go through everything you have been going through.

I still haven't got the idea that I'm really boob-less. I think it will take a while before that really sinks in. All in good time. :)

On Being Deboobed and Deported

Tomorrow is the big day. I thought I should write today to share my thoughts and feelings before the surgery and then compare them to afterward. So here goes:

Many people have told me that I will mourn the loss of my breasts. I don't know about this. I feel like my boobs betrayed me. The idea that they are malignant flabs of flesh kind of freaks me out. I really want them gone. I say this now but, I don't know I might be singing a different tune tomorrow afternoon. I'll, no doubt, miss the healthy ones.

It's funny because I never really flaunted my breasts. I never wore low-cut tops or halters. I guess I wasn't raised that way. Modesty was my mom's big mantra. I always felt there was no place in the workplace for them. I have to say I was kind of surprised when I moved in Oklahoma in 1998 and saw more woman showing cleavage at work than I saw in Buffalo, NY. Who would have thought that? The state didn't even allow the lottery at that time but showing deep glimpses of your private parts at work was okay. Aw the irony.

People don't mourn the lost of their spleen, right. Well, I guess that has to be different. Last I checked a spleen isn't a part of your sexuality. Bad example.

So, I'm just counting down the hours now....checking out my own boobs every now and then...saying my good-byes. I guess they served me well for 35 years. That's not a bad run, right? (Yeah, if you do the math, I was a late bloomer!) :) But I'll be fine. See ya on the flip side. :)

Blessings from my friends

Aw man....I can't say enough about my friends; my wonderful support system. Yesterday, my husband almost tripped over a box on the front porch that the mail man delivered without us realizing it. It was from my friend Mary Jo who lives in Kansas. MJ and I went to school together since first grade and re-connected on Facebook. She's three hours away from me and we keep threatening to meet up some day. It's certainly on my list. Anyway...in the box was this lovely little angel. I have added it to my angel shelf; next to my mother's ashes (or my quarter of her ashes. Mom had requested that she be divided between my two brothers, my dad and me.) Thank you so much MJ. That was so sweet of you.

On Friday, my friend Linda come to visit with me and she brought me these amazingly colorful posies. I know they were dyed but the color is so vibrant. Thank you so much Linda and for visiting with me. It's always good to catch up. I know Linda because Philip used to work with her at Hertz. But now she's friends with us both.

Thanks again MJ and Linda!

Facebook Support

I often link my blog posts on my Facebook page and my wonderful FB friends usually end up commenting on the post there on Facebook rather than here on my blog. Because this blog is a more permanent record of my journey to recovering, I have decided to copy and paste some of the wonderful comments I have received on FB along with a commentary on my wonderful friends.

In response to my post on going without boobs....

• Holly Hecker The older I get, the more I realize the power of gravity. It seems to me that becoming an old lady with firm and perky breasts (which, trust me, is not even close to what happens in nature) may not only NOT be worth the cost in surgeries, pain and $$$, but is a look far more strange than a flat chest on a woman. Remember, there are plenty of women around who were born that way and who still seem to get their fair share of love and happiness in life. Eva, your terrific personality, your humor, your brain, your kindness, your imagination and creativity - they ALL trump a couple of pounds of fatty tissue (or silicone packs). Everything that makes you YOU is still going to be there after surgery!! (I have known Holly for over 20 years. We met when she was an associate at Jaeckle Fleischmann. She was really in my corner back then, always encouraging my writing. I still have the book she gave me: If You Want to Write by Brenda Ueland. I always remember her birthday because all great people were born on the 5th of the month. 20 some years later, she's still in my corner. She doesn't know this but she inspired me to go back to school, to continue in my pursuit to get my BA no matter how long it took. It took me 29 years. I wasn't quite as ambitious as she was though, since she got her JD before turning 50 but still.)

In response to my post on June 29th:

• Sheri Graves God Bless you my dear, sweet friend. (Sheri and I met a few years ago at C L Frates. We become instant friends for some reason; it was just effortless. She took my place when I left there to work at HPI.)

• Eva Mahoney E-hugs Eva! xoxox (Eva Mahoney and I become friends on Facebook. Duh...yeah, we started our own club...guess what we call it.)

• Maggie McGill Wallum It's not easy killing cancer. But, you are strong; stronger than you ever thought you could be. Yes? (Maggie and I went to high school together and also to the same college for a while. She's been one of my biggest supporters and I thank her very much.)

In response to my post on Karma:

• Lori Nelson Quinn Your a dear sweet thoughtful person and I also DON'T believe in so called Karma cause some of the worse ppl in the world have horseshoes up their arses!! (I've known Lori since we were 3 years old. We were in the same class all though school. We had some fun times over the years.)

In response to my post on freaking out over my surgery:

• Arlene Yeates Cooper Just remember - it's just one more step back to normalcy- your humorous old self! (Arlene and I went to school together. We got to know each other better though via FB. She's also one of my biggest supporters! She gets my humor....always a plus.)

• Chic Ciccarella Bazydlo You'll be cool, we'll all be here with positive thoughts and your nightmare will be closer to an end. (I kind of knew Chic when we were young. She was this hippie free spirit back then and I found out via FB she still is!)

• Rosalie Atti-Holguin You will be ok, look how far you have gone so far. This is just a final step in your recovery. Praying for you everyday! Keep us all posted. (Rosalie and I have known each other since grammar school. We have reconnected, too, via FB. She is always checking on me which I really appreciate.)

• Linda Just Prayers are being said for you. (Linda is my cousin-in-law but I have heard more from her now that we are FB friends. She's been very supportive.)
  

• Margaret Dick While I agree that "freaking out" is a very natural response, please take comfort in knowing that -- even without having registered at a church -- you are much loved by our creator and have the prayers and support of countless loving friends. I feel quite confident that your surgery will be successful so -- say a prayer of thanksgiving, take a few deep breaths, a few bites of your favorite comfort food, and RELAX. (I have known Mickie for over 20 years. She was a legal assistant while I was librarian at Jaeckle. She's a super lady who always appreciated my humor. She's my voice of reason, for sure. She came and paid her respects for both my mom and dad when they passed away despite the long drive from Buffalo to Angola.)

• Arthur R Millace Jr - Eva, Best of luck to you, You have to do it, So be strong and no everything is going to be alright. God Bless !! I have a couple upcoming surgerys myself, So I feel you..I Pray yours is a success, Remember there is people out here that need you . (Art sat next to me in Mr Rose's 9th grade art class. I think he was cheating off me the entire year, but I'm not sure. The simple act of him sitting next to me spoke volumes to this geeky teenager.)

• Christine Ferguson Yawney - Eva, while I am not a member of a particular church, I do believe and I know the big guy will look out for you...you are approaching the finish line in this race! keep smiling, tell a joke when you can, and remember even though we are not there WITH you, we are here FOR you! BTW, if you weren't freaking out a little bit, you wouldn't be normal... yes, Eva, you too are normal!!! one of the most down-to-earth, normal people I know!!! (I worked with Chris at Jaeckle as well. She kept my secrets secret. She's been very supportive.)

• Jeff Morris -Eva,you are in my thoughts and prayers,and when this is all over,you will be of great help to others who will be going through this also.Your friendship has been a wonderful blessing to me. Thank YOU!!! (Jeff is my brother's ex-brother-in-law...but most importantly he's been a friend for a long time. He's been challenged by life's curves but he's figuring it out. God bless ya, Jeff.)

• Gemma Zotara - Freaking out is normal, but you will be fine. You are always in my thoughts and prayers and from all your Friends posts, you are also in theirs. You have a great support system so you can't lose. Love you! (Aw...Gemma. She was the beautiful receptionist at Jaeckle. Her beauty shines in the inside too. I once wrote a poem for her called the Gemma Dilemma. But there's no dilemma when it comes to calling her my friend.) :)

I have so many more supporters; I have really been blessed. More will be included as I make my way through this disease.

Can you say "Neuropathy?"

Remember our deal...I'm not complaining; I'm merely informing. Okay?

My feet have been killing me. Aw man, they have been aching so much for a while now. Sometimes I get this shooting spasm of what feels like electricity running through them. It doesn't matter if I'm standing for sitting or have them elevated or not. They just hurt. Sometimes when I wake up I notice they don't hurt and it's just an amazing relief but then I get up and they hurt again.

So I've put it off long enough and I called Dr Toma's office. Of course they were concerned about a blood clot so I had to go and get an ultrasound of my legs. Fortunately there is no clot. Oh my God, thank the Lord Almighty for that because that would be the worse thing; that would mean my surgery wouldn't happen for a long time and maybe I'd have to have chemo again to ward off any cancer growth and oh my, just the thought of that brings tears to my eyes. So no clot!

But I have Neuropathy. I'm on drugs for this. Hopefully it will help. It's a pretty normal reaction to chemo. I should have complained...I mean informed...Dr Toma's office sooner so I could have started the drugs sooner but...well, I didn't. This should also help with the numbness in my fingers too.

Okay...I'm done informing. For now :)