A letter to Jess

Dear Jess….
My name is Eva (evawebdiva). I was the anonymous commenter on your blog. I don’t know why I chose to be anonymous that day since I’ve answered as me on your blog before. I guess I thought I was sticking my nose into your infertility business.

I found your blog doing a search on Edmond, OK. I live here too. Technically I could be your mom though…that’s the difference in our ages. Unfortunately, I am no one’s mom…. except for our dog – but as you know that’s not quite the same.

I didn’t read the entire Redbook article. I’m sure it talked about a lot of the stuff you already know but you never really know…there could be something of merit that changes your life. And I could have been the one who directed it to you! Stranger things have happened.

My situation is different but the bottom line is, no kids. At forty-eight, that ship has sailed. Unfortunately.

In my early thirties I was pregnant for a couple months but that was all.
The doctors said it was for the best because I was at a high risk. They say a normal healthy woman’s mortality rate is 1 in 10,000; mine was 1 in 20. Now I know, there are woman out there, and this may very well include you, who would take the chance. After a lot of hymning and hawing and asking God for guidance, I decided, I loved my life too much to do so. After a couple more years with birth control, and then problem of heavy-duty fibroids, I went the hysteromy way.

I have a lot of guilt because I didn't trust in God enough. And this might make you mad but in a way, I envy you for having this - this determination of whether or not you become a mother not be YOUR decision. It's really hard when it's YOUR decision (albeit based on medical information) because it was all riding on what I wanted to do. My husband made it my decision. The doctors made it my decision. At the time, I just let time go by and tried to ignore it and then it was what it was...my decision to not put myself in harms way. Alive but childless.

Years have gone by and I have misgivings. I'm never at peace with my decision.

So that is how we are the same and how we are different. Thanks for letting me share. Under the "not so interesting but true" category, if you google images "evawebdiva" it pulls YOU up. Oh, and I think it's great that your friends got your back. Aside from the lite lynching....they all seem like very nice people :). Good luck to you. If you have questions, please ask..or thoughts. :)

I want my mommy!

I am sick. My nose is running and I'm coughing and I feel achy all over. I wish my mom was here.

Okay, I know, I know....I should put on my big girl panties and deal with it. After all, it's not like I have cancer or something equally awful. Is it wrong of me to feel sorry for myself even though I know, full well, it could be so much worst? I will recover so I need to quit my belly aching and get on with it.

But still...All I want to do is put my head down and take a nap. I know I shouldn't be at work right now but I have no time left that isn't earmarked for my trip back home in March. As I said before, the system of grouping sick time in with vacation time is just wrong. Everyone who can manage to keep their head up comes to work coughing their brains out because why take off when you're sick? You need to take off when your healthy and can have some fun.

Fun for me right now would be a hot totty (whatever that is), my blankee and spot on the sofa watching reruns of the Golden Girls.

Business Communication

I'm taking my last and final class. It is in Business Communication. Right now we are writing "Bad News" letters. The point of writing them is to first offer a buffer to cushion the blow, then give some reasons for the bad news, then the bad news , then some kind of alternative and positive good will ending.

Okay. We had an example where the management of our company wanted to cancel dress-down Fridays because production was down, people were goofing off, customers were complaining and absentism was up.

Now I can not find a buffer. I racked my brain to find one and it just wasn't happening. After we were given 15 minutes to work on this, the teacher asked for someone to read his/her example. One kid wrote a nice memo and the teacher loved his buffer....where management was praising the workers for making the company just a good company and to me this is such bullshit. If I were to read this memo from my mamagement, and it was filled with self serving rambling about what a great company we were and happy they were to have us, only to turn around and blast me because some people on staff were goofing off, I'd feel cheated. I'd be saying, "Oh, cut the bullshit, will ya."

I don't agree with business writing....that you have to treat your audience like they're morans or with kid gloves. I've said this before, those of us in an office environment who treat the bosses like the sun rises for them only are doing themselves a disservice. They are enabling bad behavior. To me that's just wrong.

But life goes on.

Aw...my girl is just too cute

I gotta post this picture. She's my cute little girl.

Time to play.....

Do people caulk their ceiling?

Do you caulk the wall/ceiling area of your bathroom in the shower area? I think I need to do this. Hum?

My mind is blank

And so is this blog.

Cement in my Spine

My doctor tells me today I will need to have a procedure done on my compressed fracture of my L3 where they inject cement into it. It's called:
vertebroplasty. It sounds awful but I've been reading that there is a good chance of positive relief.

On Love and Death

Everything that could be written on love and death has already been said. There are no original ideas left...just the reiteration with maybe a new background.

Basically, if you've experience the death of a loved one...well, it just sucks. It's been almost two years since I lost my momma (gee, was it at the Mall of America? How funny we say "lost" when we mean "ripped from our lives.") I still can't wrap my mind around the idea that I will never see her again...until....death do us reunit.

I talk to her a lot and I believe that she talks back to me in sudtle ways without words. Sometimes I see her in my dreams. Sometimes it's just a presence in the room and I talk to it thinking it is my husband only to find out he's in the back bedroom.

She died in May 06 and the following September a petunia grew under the hedges in the front window. I didn't plant it there, it just grew on its own. I swear it is my mom.

When there was no hope I'd get on an overbooked plane in Atlanta this past August; after being told the plane was overbooked with seven people ahead of me on standby, my name was called to board, I knew it was divine intervention...Mom got me on that plane.

When a person you're at odds with loses a parent, especially a mom, all feelings of comtempt are gone. They are with me. I know how much this sucks and no matter how much I hurt over whatever it was that made me at odds with that person....it's gone. Vanished. Almost as quickly as the anger I had at my mom for not being the perfect Mom much of my life. After losing her...it just faded away.

Saturday Night

It's almost 8pm...I'm ready for bed. Aw...I'm getting so old.

Oh crap!

I missed a day. Aw....crap. I'm not a 365 day blogger. Aw....I just forgot! Dang.

No wonder my foot hurts

When I dropped the can of soup on my foot, I had no idea why it hurt so bad. The I looked at the can.

It was fully loaded!

Nothing is coming to me

It can always be worse

When I complain about stupid things, like the way some people make me feel inferior (Okay I ALLOW them to make me feel inferior, whatever) I know it's not the worse thing in the world. Yes, it's insignifant to a lot of people. Yes it could be worse, but right now it's pissing me off and I need to vent. I suppose I need to choose my sounding board a little more carefully...it's silly on my part to spill my woes to someone who finds it a challenge to get out of bed.

So I have learned by lesson and I'm finally letting it go. So let's move on.

Weather Woes

If there is one thing that makes me nuts living in Oklahoma, it is the temperature variations For example this morning it was 13 degrees! Yes! Thirteen! Of course you bundle up. This afternoon it was 58! YEAH A 45 DEGREE DIFFERENCE!

In Western NY if it starts out at 13, you're lucky to see the 30's during the afternoon. And this makes sense to me.

But now, fortunately I have learned to expect the big swings. I heavy coated it on the drive to work but wore a hoodie under it and carried the coat on the way home. It just seems like a freak of mother nature to have this big difference...like a meteorological bipolar disorder.

Dear Ford Motor Company...

I'm sorry to bring this to your attention but there is a serious defect with the locking mechanism on your 2003 Ford Focus. Today during a snow storm I got in the car, started it up and then left the vehicle to scrap the windows. I did NOT push the button to lock the doors or press the lock feature on the keyless entry, however after scraping the windows around the entire car, freezing my ass of in the process I discovered much to my displeasure the doors had locked. I'm not making this up! They locked on their own!

This has happened once before; again when it was crappy outside and I had to resort to calling my husband to come get me, driving home to get the spare set of keys and then returning to the running car. Yes, it was quite toasty warm inside but that does not excuse you from the embarrassment I had to face when my co-workers said, "Oh, you locked your keys in the car!"

I can say until I'm blue in the face, "IT WAS THE CAR!" But everyone shakes their head as if to say, "NO, YOU NUMBSKULL, IT WAS YOU!" Like a car does not have mechanical troubles from time to time.

You owe my Mr. Ford Motor Company! You owe me big! I'm talking free OnStar Service for life! Mr. "Quality means doing your best when no one is looking"...you anti-Semitic....tweeb!

Sincerely yours,

Eva

This is really cool

Who said juggling three balls was hard? Doesn't look so hard here.
http://johnbrooks.com/juggle/ (turn your speakers on)

Quote of the day

I can endure anything when I have no choice in the matter.

Time off

Recently many companies are going to the Bank of Days or Paid Time Off for their employees. This is where they get x number of hours for each month worked and the time off includes vacation, sickness, bereavment, personal time. It's a great idea in theory but what ends up happening is you get more sick people at work. Why use a sick day when you can come to work, get through the day and save the time off for when you feel better and are on vacation? So more people come to work sick and spread the germs so more sick people can come to work.

Sick time should be separated. That's what I think.
But life goes on.

Some good grammar learning sites

I need to improve my grammar. Maybe you do too? Here are some good sites:
http://www.dailygrammar.com/ Here you can sign up for a lesson a day and a test on Saturday.

The elements of Style http://www.bartleby.com/141/index.html

Grammar Bites http://www.chompchomp.com/ You can actually test yourself.

There's a name for it

Remember when I posted a pic of "Jughead," the man hiding in the mosiac features of the tile in my company restroom? Well, there's a name for it: "pareidolia." I learned this from the news lately of scientists wondering about an image of a woman on Mars. Of course it turned out to be a rock but it does look like a woman sitting. I'm just thrilled to know there is a name for it and I'm not a little loony.

The Friendship Application

Sometimes you have to wonder when meeting someone new if it's worth the time and effort to try to become friends. You don't know if it's going to work out, you just can't be sure. I've created the "Friendship Application." Just print this out and give it to a potential friend for completion. It will save you a lot of time.

Diversity

Diversity in the workplace is commonly found in ethnicity, race, religion, life experiences, disabilities or backgrounds. I think they need to include grumpy people, happy people, moody people, emotional people, smart people and dumb people. All of these qualities can contribute to the workplace. You just have to be a little more creative.

On Boston Legal, there is a character who suffers from some rare syndrome where he walks with his palms firmly against his legs, he often purrs, and sometimes jumps. When he's doing any of these things, why isn't he called to the carpet for unprofessional behavior? Why? Because he can't help it. Same with people who cry, who suffer from depression that is aggravated by being talked down to.

But life goes on.

My quote for today...

It's amazing how much you can accomplish when there's no fear of persecution.

This is so cool

The Kitten and the Crow - (click on View) This is such an amazing story.

I wasn't wrong

Forgot yesterdays post, I wasn't wrong. I didn't do what I thought I did. I'm not a baffoon!

Oh man I goofed

I woke up at 6 this morning with the realization that I had made an error at work on Friday. It all came clear to me in the quiet morning hours, where the room was just starting to see the first light of day and my eyes flashed open. Crap.

One person was leaving and another had moved. I had gotten info that the subordinate of the moving one was going with the departing one. I emailed the moving one's contact and made reference to moving one leaving...but I knew he wasn't...he had just moved. Crap.

I wish there was a good excuse for my mixing them up....I'm so closely being watched. My mom had told a story about how her sister was carrying an egg (I think..something) on plate and her father kept saying, "You're going to drop it, you're going to drop it" and sure enough, she dropped it. I'm being so closely watched that maybe I was just destine to error. Crap. The good news is, the email is as far as the error went. It's not like I removed the moving guy from our records.

Guess, I'll hear about it on Monday. Oh, joy, can't wait.
But life goes on.

How's this for Broadway

Check out Hillary here....

My brother's turning 50

Wow, how can it be? My big bro is going to be 50 years old. He's a father of teenagers! Amazing.

Not the Sharpest tool in the Shed

I know I'm not super intelligent, but I think I'm slightly above average. Lately, my abilities have been tested and I feel this blanket of self doubt coming over me and it scares me. I so afraid my spirit will be squished. It's just sad.

But life goes on.

This is what I do...

Often, I have discovered that people who have some control over me must think I just willy nilly do something without thought. Sometimes they just jump to these conclusion without consulting me. I really dislike this. I understand it's bothersome to come and ask me, "why did you do this this way? Why didn't you go in this direction?" If they did, they would understand better where I'm coming from. I won't say I never just throw caution to the wind, but for the most part I think about and do what I feel is best. I do this based on I want I have learned in the past.

But life goes on.

Passion

There is more than one kind of passion. Of course, the obvious is that sensual one. There's also that passion when you are so excited about something that your voice gets louder, and you talk faster. This, I have determined, is sometimes thought of as arguing. But it's not. I get very passionate about things I know a lot about. This doesn't happen very often but sometimes it does.

I have a student, an 82 year old man named John who I see every three weeks or so to teach him about the Internet and his computer. Sometimes he misses what I'm trying to say and then I get passionate about it and I see his reaction and I know, he thinks I'm yelling at him. I can honestly say, I am not. I am just excited about what ever it is I'm trying to teach him. I usually apologize. He knows now, it's not him. I'm not getting angry with him...it's just me being passionate.

At work, I have little passion because I know so little. I know this. I try to do what is best; what I think is proactive and sometimes it appears that I'm overstepping my duties. But if I know something that I think will be helpful, I will try to do it...my passion finally finding a place.. only to be deflated by those who say "it's not your place" in so many words.

Oh well, life goes on.

Where I'd like to live

I think I'd like to live in an apartment with Uncle Bill, Mr. French and Mrs. Beezly. This would be the most ideal place for me.

The Writer's Strike

I'm happy for the strike. This gives me more time to blog and learn. Okay, let's see if that happens. Plus, we have a lot on DVD/video to watch anyway. So, it's a good thing.

What to do?

So much to learn. I have a ton of online classes. Each day at work, I think, "Tonight I'm going to learn more about Indesign or Access." I have great plans to do so. Even on the way home, I think I will..after dinner, after I stretch...then after I watch my soap, then after I get my clothes ready for work the next day and after my shower. And then...it's 10pm and I'm ready to hit the sack. I read for 30 minutes, the Tylenol PM kick in...and it's la de la de land for me.

Weekends are different....well sort of. (Yawn)

I couldn't believe it

I was at the mall today for lunch. I ate in the food court. Next to me was a woman with a child..a boy of about 3 years old. He was pushed up to the table in a booster seat. I saw the woman come up behind him and say into his ear,"Now, I'll be right back. Just stay here."

I watched as she left the food court. She took the esculator up. I was done eating and I needed to get back to work, but I couldn't leave this little boy there until I knew the woman had returned. I lingered a bit and it seemed like a long time had past. The boy just sat at the table eating his lunch, undisturbed by the fact that his mother (I assume) had left him. Maybe he was used to it. Maybe he just trusted her. I watched as the woman returned to him.

I was standing at this time and I'm sure she saw me waiting. I said when she was in ear shot, "I was watching him."

She thanked me but she seemed annoyed.

She was probably gone for a minute and a half....not long, but that boy could have been taken in a heartbeat. I was just amazed that someone could do that.

Crying at work

Here's an interesting article Crying at Work, What NOT to Do.

Kristie Theobald writes:

Work should be a healthy, well-balanced and positive place ... after all, we're there for a great deal of our lives. So if your workplace is anything but those three things, my advice to you would be to get the hell out of there and find something that is as close to your joy as possible"

I say AMEN. Just wish it was that simple.

I can sure relate to trying to turn the other cheek:

But there is a colleague of mine who can turn really narky when it suits her and I am somehow the first in line for her to throw her crap at. Might be because I'm easygoing and I don't fight back very often. But unfortunately I can also be quite sensitive at times and being bawled out by someone doesn't sit
with me very well. I am only just starting to develop a toughness!

Personally, to tell me to NOT cry; it's like telling me to not bleed after you cut me. It's not going to happen. My advice, if you're a manager, don't make your workers feel like idiots. Problem solved!

Internet is down

Okay MY internet is down. I 'm tired to blog. Tomorrow I will. Good night

Yay..I'm a student again

It just might actually happen! I just might be graduating with my BA in May! Yes, I can't believe it. I've been working with the assistant department head on getting me the heck out of Dodge..in this case UCO. They have to be sick of me by now. I'm this "untraditional" student which means I could have given birth to the all the kids in my class. Okay, not all of them; that would be a blog in itself. I've been working on my BA on and off for some time now...it's the 30 year plan. It will indeed be just months shy of 30 years too. I'm so psyched. I have one more class that starts on Monday night. I will be so happy to get this done. Stay tuned.

I don't feel like blogging

I just don't feel like blogging tonight. This is all you get.

Old Age, I decided, is a gift.

I didn't write this but I liked it:

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror, but I don't agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging. Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon?

I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60&70's, and at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will. I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set . They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face.

So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong. So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free.

I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be.

And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like it)

MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART!MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE A RAINBOW OF SMILES ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART FOREVER AND EV ER!

FRIENDS FOREVER!

Professionalism

If you want a truly professional workplace, you have to outlaw cartoon calenders, the passing around of funny birthday cards...pretty much anything funny. And you have to be consistant. Everyone will have to stop being funny friendly....no more laughing. Sorry, laughing is not professional; straight laced nose-to-the-grindstone is the only acceptable behavior.

What people think

You're not suppose to care what people think. That's what you are told. Your opinion is all that matters. Well, how can you not care. If someone misconstrues something you say, and they think you are a mean person; how can you not care? I don't have a mean bone in my body. I wish I did sometimes because I know I'm walked over. I know some people take advantage of my sensibilities.

When a difficult situation becomes apparent, I will avoid it like the plague. I will run the other way because I hate confrontation...with a passion. But if there is no where to hide, (ie: at work) I will make the best of it; I will throw a little levity into the mix to make things appear right, happy. Unfortunately, I'm so naive because when I do this - with no malice in my heart - my humor will be misinterpreted as a way to get back at whomever I may be at odds with. And it matters to me what they think.

How can you not care what people think? No man is an island. Eleanor Roosevelt said that no one can make you very inferior without your permission. I think this is a crock. Your boss can! When your livelihood hangs in the balance...yeah...their opinion matters. But that's just me.

Becca's Blog

My dog has her own blog. Of course. She's a chip off the old block(head).

Happy New Year

Well, I have done and gone it. I signed up to blog everyday. Yes, everyday. Well, we get one day off, Leap Year Day. Otherwise, you're stuck with me.

I'm watching the Sabres/Penguins hockey game. It's being played outdoors at Ralph Wilson Statium. Jim and Katie are there. It's snowing like a son of a gun. This is a big deal..it's the first NHL outdoor game in the US.

Phil got me a webcam. Here's our first picture with it. A bit grainy, huh?

We tried to get Becca in the picture but she's not getting the concept of looking at the camera. Silly girl.

Meltdown City

It happened again. Only three weeks have past and I'm meltdowning. Crap. This is what happens at work when I try to share what knowledge I have. My suggestions are dissected like a freshman science project and everything I want to accomplish is rendered unnecessary. I'm not to think on my own without consulting someone first. I'm apparently approaching everything wrong. This all makes me sad and filled with self-doubt. This is only my third job in the past 22 years. That's longevity, right? Why do I cry?

I am told to that crying at work is unprofessional and totally frowned upon. It's disruptive. So I close my door to my officemate's office (it's apparently not mine...but my co-workers office. I just happen to be taking up some space in it.) She was out, so I closed the door to cry privately. I'm told the door is to not be closed. So I have to allow all the people who pass by to witness the grief on my face which is disruptive but that's the way it is. The bottonline I am told is "don't cry."

Try as I might, it's impossible to do this. If my feelings are hurt; if everything I suggest is deemed silly or unnecessary and I'm indirectly told I'm an idiot. Well, sorry...that hurts. I can take corrective critism, I really can but surely there has to be some merit to what I do or want to do?

I need to see this as a challenge, see if I can get it right. Try and try again. Like my momma always said, "It'll work out, you'll see."

Time flies

I can't believe the last time I posted was on the 7th. Someone alerted me to this...he said he was sorry I didn't continue with blogging each day. I was surprised to see it has been a while. My excuse is that I started a new blog for my dog, Becca. I've been, okay, Becca's been posting to it quite a bit. Check it out.

My shopping is done and I'm happy about that. I got a BIG bonus from work which really surprised me since I've only been there for 6 months. I spent some of the bonus already. I have abou $250 left. It does seem to burn a hole in my pocketbook. I need to wait until after Christmas.

Not too much to report. Merry Christmas!

Why do I Cry?

I have been plagued with this unexplained condition all my life. I cry. I mean it, like a baby. It's so embarrassing because I do it at work and then I get mad at myself for doing it which makes me cry even more.

It doesn't happen all the time...just every 6 weeks or so, I have a meltdown. Mostly it's because I perceive that someone is disappointed in me. It could be a casual comment or the rehashing of a mistake I did weeks ago that can set me off. But I can't stop it.

Technically I believe it's a medical condition. I worked somewhere where a man there had a problem with snorting. It was a constant distraction for me and when I complained about it, I was told it was a medical condition and he couldn't help it so there was nothing management could do. I've been told that I need to work on this problem of being so sensitive that it leaves me in tears; that it is distracting to my co-workers and unprofessional. Well, it's a medical condition just like the snorter. If someone has chronic hiccups, could management hold it against him during the review process? Fortunately, my melt downs don't happen all the time but they happen. I can try to control it but there is no way I can guarentee an end to it.

I wish there were a way I could be hypnotized so that when I feel threatened to the point of tears, I will smile and just sigh and move on. Today I was praying to God that I could have a split personality and that my alter would kick in and she'd be tough....she wouldn't care if someone was disappointed in me...she would just shrug it off until the urge to cry subsided and then I - me - would come back. I know, I watch to many soap operas.

First pix

This was on the way home. We got Becca from a rescue home. It was in the middle of no where. I'm proud we found it. Here Becca in the side mirror.

Our new dog

We got a new dog. She's 1 year old and quite the hoot. Here's a video of her exchange with the vacuum cleaner. Such a silly girl.

The Last Day

Well, I did it. I wrote everyday this month. It wasn't always easy. But it's done. I guess there is over 6000 participates in this "blog-every-day-of-November-Contest" Wish me luck on a prize...but you never know.

Charity

Part of the company I work for, including myself, have adopted a family to get for them Christmas presents. It's a nice charity and I will give but I have some concerns. This particular family is a mother with 8 kids. I guess one of them is a neice but still she has 8 kids. I don't know the whole situation with this family but they seem like a well deserving family.

The lady who organized this, had a pick of another family of five. This family listed their gifts they would like. This included particular movies, games for an Xbox thingy and Intendo. Now, I know these are nice gifts but my thinking is, if you can afford these games...whatever it is you need to play them on...then you're not that needy. I know, they may have gotten them last year but ...I just feel better giving to a family who is looking for clothes and food.

I have a hard time with the Toys for Tots campaign. I know it's well meaning but you can live a perfectly happy life without toys. I can't get myself to buy a kid a toy unless it's educational or requires a little imagination. I can buy books, and art supplies but not Intendo. That's just me.

I'm glad we are doing this project. I asked if I can help deliver the items and I am going to do it. I think just seeing their faces will be very rewarding. I look forward to it.

What if...

You never read in the paper where a psychic won the lottery? If I had that kind of power, my life would be so different. I wouldn't be swimming in money but I wouldn't have to watch each penny either. I know, they say money won't buy happiness and I get that but I would be so much more happyierif I didn't have to worry about having enough money for gas to get to work.

Once I went to lunch w/ my nephew Jon at his elementary school. To tell you how much I have to think about spending, I was actually looking for the price menu so I would know if I could afford a junior cheeseburger. Of course there wasn't an prices listed so I had to just wing it, get it and fork over the cash. I had the money with me, I just wanted to be sure I was getting my money's worth.

Yes, if I could predict the numbers in the lottery, I'd win me some, at least once. I could do so much with that money....and not just for me...for those I care about and for those I don't know too. I'd love to stand outside the dollar store and hand out dollars to all the kids who were going into the store with their parents. I think that would be fun. I'd drive through McDonalds and give the cashier a $1000 and tell her to give free meals to everyone in line until the money ran out. I'd love to see their expression when they find out they don't have to pay for their happy meal. I'd give to every animal shelter in Oklahoma and Western NY. I'd buy doggy beds in bulk and bring them to each shelter. It would be so much fun.

Yeah, money won't buy happiness but I'd love to have the chance to learn that lesson. Here's to dreaming.

I know it...

I'm on the cusp of something. Something is brewing in my brain getting ready to escape. I think it may be something I create or write. I know I have to write my year end holiday newsletter, so that may be it. I have several stories in mind. I feel the urge to write the most, when I'm no where in a position to write...like at work. When I get to a place that is condusive to writing; the ideas just don't come. It's so weird.

It's like when I leave the house to go to work, I find some many things I wish I could stay home and do; like clean the bathroom. I never want to clean the bathroom more than when I'm on the way out the door. If I were at home, it would lose its luster and fast. Amazing how that works. Wasn't it Jim Croce who had that song about, "...there never seems to be enough time to do the things you want to do, once you find them?"

I have ideas for tonight...Dancing with the Stars, the Xmas letter, learning Indesign, clean something....let's see what I get done.

The coke habit update

I have been pretty good in my quest to be coke-free. I have not been perfect. I have had awful headaches lately and I am sure it is because of the lack of caffeine. At the airport to Buffalo, and back I had to have a coke. My head was throbbing. Aside from these few times, I have been basically coke-free. I have not had any since Friday. I think I've done quite well.

I'm learning to love Rootbeer. You know, although it is dark like Coke, it does not have any phospheric acid. It has no caffeine either. Iced Tea is also free of Phospheric acid unless you buy it already bottled.

That's all for tonight.

25 Things I want my 15 year old niece to know

1. It's okay to be different; to not follow the pack.
2. To be different however, should never hurt. IE body piercing, tatoos are not "different" - just a painful way to express yourself differently. Trust me on this.
3. You are a beautiful person, inside and out.
4. Remember you get more bees with honey.
5. You will not win friends or influence people by rubbing their noses in their mistakes.
6. It's okay to be wrong.
7. If you have wronged someone, even unintentionally, you need to make it right. An apology will usually suffice.
8. If someone makes fun of you because they have deened your outfit unfashionable, it's okay to refer to yourself as a "trail blazer;" someone who has started a new trend.
9. Be patient with older folks, those in their 40s, who may not understand technology as good as you. IE Ipods, downloads, MP3's and texting.
10. You will have plenty of time to have a relationship with a boy. Don't push it. It will happen.
11. Finish what you start.
12. Concentrate on school.
13. Don't seek out a boy/man just so you can have someone take care of you. You are strong enough to take care of yourself. Once you have established yourself, then you can give a boy/man the pleasure of taking care of you.
14. Yes, love is important in a relationship but don't allow a boy/man into your life who wants you to take care of them. You each need to take care of yourself.
15. People can change, but only if they want to.
16. It's okay to change your mind about your career path.
17. It's a lot easier to understand a situation if you step back for a moment.
18. Everything will work out.
19. You will outgrow a lot of your fears.
20. There are shades of gray.
21. Your family loves you very much.
22. Bacon and toast is a lousy breakfast. (Fat and what will turn into sugar)
23. It's okay to know a little about a lot but it's imporant to know a lot about a little too.
24. You have a good head on your shoulders.
25. I trust you completely.

I AM THANKFUL:

...FOR THE WIFE WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME, AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE. (okay, it doesn't apply, but you get it)

FOR THE HUSBAND WHO IS ON THE SOFA BEING A COUCH POTATO, BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.

FOR THE TEENAGER WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME, NOT ON THE STREETS. (again, doesn't apply)

FOR THE TAXES I PAY BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM EMPLOYED .

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS. (If only)

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE (not really something I enjoy but I'm thankful we have the sun to warm us.)

FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING, WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING, AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME. (okay...maybe a shower to clean and a bed to make applies more to me)

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

FOR THE PARKING SPOT I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION .

FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM WARM.

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES AT THE END OF THE DAY BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.

AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME.

Home In Oklahoma

Well, my "traveler from hell" title must be removed. We made it to Buffalo and back to OKC with NO delays, waylays...or any kind of lays whatsoever. It must be traveling with Phil. He's my lucky charm. The news reports all kinds of travel delays but we did not see any of them.

Something about going back to NY makes me want to do better. I think about it, all the way home, how I'm going to sleep less and do more; be a better housekeeper, workout, eat better, be more productive at home and at work; learn more; do more work on my investing club. I may be inspired by my brother Jim, and his wife, Debi. These people don't like to sit for too long; especially Jim. He's always doing something, up on the roof cleaning out the gutters or in the garage tinkering, or in the office working on a computer design project as a side job, or in the basement putting in a new hard drive on someone's computer. He's always busy. He rarely watches TV. Yeah, he inspires me to do more. Let's see how long this lasts.

So far, I've haven't done much but criticized myself for leaving dirty pans on the stove all week. Ugh. Oh well.

Happy Thanksgiving

I'm thankful for so many things.

Thankful for my wonderful husband, who, for the most part, gets me; my great dad and my brothers and their families; the ability to make an honest living; the good things I see each day; for God who I know is there and the memories of my mom who I know is watching over me.

It's so easy to get caught up in the little meaningless things. As long as you are in good health, safe from harm and have people in your life that love you and who you love; what more can we ask for?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Wednesday

Oh the time is flying. I hate that it is coming to a close. We leave Angola tomorrow, early afternoon for Getzville. That's it. I won't be back here until next time. It all depends on my Dad's surgery for when I get back here. I felt so sad at his house tonight. I went to watch the Sabres game with him. I stayed for two periods. He cleaned the stove. This is a big deal. He hates to clean. (You should see his house). I just can't believe this is the same man of 20 years ago. It's just strange.

When my mom was here it was hard to leave her but at least I left her with my dad. Now he's all alone. It's sad. More later.

Tuesday

The vacation is creeping by. Today's agenda is lunch with my Sister in Law's Step Mom. How funny does that sound? We're going, guess? Chicks! Yes the bowling alley. It's a big deal here in Angola. Bowling, food....what ever can you ask for?

After that I'm driving out to North Collins. It's just north of Collins (in case you want to know). My friend Robin is out there with her three children (ages 3-7). She's this single mom who apparently has been cloned or something. She's amazing.

I really need to focus more on the people who have an interest in my life than those who do not.

Monday

Today I experienced gambling. Yes, I went to the casino and promptly lost $20! My dad took me. He loves it there so I had to see his world. He understands it all. Not me. I think they make it so complicated. You play a video game, say Yahtee yet you are also playing a BINGO card. What's up with that? Then there's the lines you want to play and how much per line.

But it was nice to do something with my dad.

As we were leaving I said, "thanks dad for bringing me here so I could lose $20." He replied, "Well, that'll teach you for gambling." Incidently, he walked out with $45.

Reconnecting

From time to time, I think of the King clan; a kid-infested family that moved into my neighborhood when I was 12. I never because great friends with any of the kids; not really. There was a time when I was "friendly, but as fair weather friends go, the King girls were as bad as any of them.

Yet, still I think of them. I wonder how they are doing. We are all grown up, some of us are dead, some long married and some divorced. I'm not sure what has happened to any of them, not really despite the fact that my brother's family is still lives in the same small town. My neice is going to school with one of the King girl's daughter. I have sent notes to that mother but I have no way of knowing if it was ever received. Recently I sent a letter to the oldest, just asking her how eveyone was doing...nothing overly personally...yet...I hear nothing back.

Okay, I know...I need to move on; just let it go. This time, I think I will. But I have to ask myself, why is this so important to me to reconnect with people who really weren't friends; just people I knew. I asked my sister in law this. She just feels she's okay knowing who she knows and that her circle of friends is complete. She wouldn't ever turn her back to them if she saw them, but she has no need to "seek" out a status on their lives. I guess I'm too enquiring...and no, that's NOT nosy. There is a difference.

Church

We went to church this morning. No, the walls didn't fall in either. Who would have thought. The Pastor got me thinking about finding my place, my purpose. He said that there are two kinds of church goes; the ones who do too much and the ones who don't do enough. Personally I think he's wrong; I think there's a third-the ones who do do enough. Anyway, he says the ones who do too much have a hard time asking for help or deligating because, sometimes it's easier to do it yourself. The ones who don't do enough don't know where they belong and, like me, are afraid if they choose a place and it's not what they hoped, they will be stuck. He says it's not true; that you may end up changing several times before you find your place. This is kind of reassuring to me because at 47 I think I should have found my place and that it's too late. Maybe it's not.

I'm not able to join this church, obviously, since I don't live here but maybe I will change and pick on in Edmond. I have to think about this more.

Day 2

Getting ready to go to Chick's Bowling Alley. Yes, Angola's finest bowling establishment since the 1940s. My nephew is bowling as is my niece. I get to watch them. Aw, the simplier life. Well, you'd think it was but it's hectic. I don't know how my brother and hsi wife do it. They are constantly on the move; running here, singing in the church choir, fixing stuff, doing projects. I wonder if the energy comes from no other alterative? I'm to complacent to be complacent. (Or check the spelling on the word complacent.)

Okay...off to bowling.

I'm home (away from home)

Phil and I took an early (up by 3:am) flight home today. I'm happy to say we got here without any delays. Knock me over with a feather but it's true. Of course flying to any location where you have to change planes is an all day event. Well, so it seemed. Our flight out of OKC left at 5:50am and we were at my mother in laws by noon, so I guess that's not all day.

I'm at my brother's house now. I am very beat so this post is not much. More tomorrow.

One week to Thanksgiving

I took off from work today. My stomach is freaking out and I don't like it. I especially don't like it because I'm getting on a plane tomorrow to go home for Thanksgiving. Oh, I'm sure it will be okay.

I so happy to go home to see my family, especially my dad. He does have to have his bladder removed; that's the bad news but the good news is the cancer hasn't spread any where else. The other bad news is that he has an anorism on his aortia. I guess they will be removing both in a couple weeks. It's sad that his decision to start taking better care of himself was a little too short. It's a wake up call for us all. But he'll be fine, I just know it.

I will probably go to the casino with him. He loves the casino. There's one about 10 miles from his house on an Indian Reservation. We worry that he spends too much time there but...he knows when to stop. Yesterday he walked out of there with $350 of their money. So, sometimes it works.

Anyway, that's all for now.

Faces

Okay, you may have thought the Monster Tree was a stretch. Well, I often find "things" in the weirdest places. Here is a man I see in the tile in the restroom at work. Can you see him? I named him Jughead. When it's time to use the facilities we say, "I'm going to go visit Jughead."

The first photo shows Jughead from afar. He's in the upper left of the center tile. The second is a closeup of Jughead with some help to identify him.

I feel so much better

I had a disagreement with a girl at work. It was silly; stupid, really but we both misinterrupted each other and forgot that it's okay to disagree. I'm happy to say, we worked it out. It's amazing how much better it can make your working life. Eight hours of silence can take forever. I feel like a weight has been lifted off me; like I had a pounding headache that just went away. Truth be told, I have enjoyed talking to her during the day; and I do like to hear her opinions even if I don't always agree with her. But disagreeing is okay.

Oh man...I'm lost for words

Philip didn't think it could happen but it did....I can't think of anything to blog about. Nope. Nothing.

Well, I could be really boring and tell you I'm watching Dancing with The Stars. I really like Marie Osmond and I would like her to win; I doubt she will; she's a little too stiff but I really like her. She reminds me of my friend Liz. Both have that big sun shiney smile and committment to family. I'm sure the race car driver will win which means JulieAnn Haugh or whatever her name is will win again. She was so cute with Pablo last year. Well, that was boring.

My day was good. I was very productive at work. I slipped in a little self serving credit to my boss. Sometimes you just have to blow your own horn. I know, you shouldn't be when the only ones who know how hard you are working are you and God...well, that should be enough but...well it's not. Sorry God. So I did it; not so sudtle though.....but oh well.

Time to Learn

I have access to a ton of online classes. A ton! Everything from Adobe Illustrator to Microsoft Project. Now, I just have to make myself do it. This is why this post is short. But post I did for today!

Intuition or Lack there of

I have no intuition. None. Zero. Zip. Null. Okay..maybe a little. I did feel that the Buffalo Bills would win today but that and two other games (the same ones other's picked in my Pickem League)I got right. None of my upsets happened. Well, it upsets me but I guess that doesn't count. I can't "feel" lottery numbers either. I get an idea in my head; think it's a winner..really "feel" it but no. Nothing. If you want a team to win, you might want to let me know so I can root for the other team; you're assured a win. I could have won big on the NCAA tourney last spring but of course, the team I rooted for who was so close lost in the final minute. I'm the kiss of death.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I know there are worse things in life. Just felt like ranting.

Thinking about my Mama

Aw...I have discovered that my dad has bladder cancer. I have no idea what level he is or how much there is in him or what the prognosis is; he had a bone scan and a c-scan but he doesn't see his doctor until Wednesday. I guess they are not so concerned about it, otherwise you'd think they'd move a little quicker.

I can't help and wonder if my mom has anything to do with this. Not in a vendictive way, mind you. My dad quit smoking last Christmas. Not because he wanted to but he needed a triplet way bypass operation. After two months is the hospital, he figured it didn't make any sense to start again. So he quit. For a while, I imagined my mom up in heaven saying, "Oh sure, now you quit!" I'm very surprised, and overjoyed that he has stuck to it.

Co-existing

Remember on Melrose Place when one character slept with another character's spouse and three weeks later the injured party invited the skank to her party? It was like they never really hated each other; just got injured and moved past the anger. This is, no doubt, a bit extreme but that's TV.

In reality, people have disagreements and they can, at times, get heated but the mature, big person(s) let it go and forgive and forget. The childish one's hold a little disagreement tight to their chest, let it steep in their psycie to develop hate or distain. Yes, we can't like everyone we meet and we may disagree with those we tolerate. We tolerate them because it makes for better living conditions.

I feel bad for those who can't get over a simple disagreement and allow it to end a relationship. That's just sad.

ATTENTION PLEASE

Do people who have their various body parts pierced long for attention? Is that the reason why people get tattoos? A woman I see often does. She believes that people borne male who dress in woman's apparell and want to be women, are asking for attention. She thinks the two are the same; that is nose-pierced-tattoed ladan-colorful-mohawked-wearing people are callng for the same attention as transsexual individuals. And each are open for ridicule. I say there are differences in the two. The former brought on their differences themselves. Transsexuals are repairing something that just happened to them. They didn't ask to be born the wrong sex. I doubt that anyone has said, "I wish I was born with a ring in my nose."

Coke free

I've been coke free since Monday at 9:36 am. So far, it's not so bad. I really haven't had any major cravings for it. I think I'm just ready to take better care of myself. I even took my calcium this morning...see. Also, I have to agree with my boss who told me that Diet Coke makes you more hungry. It seems to be true. I was constantly hungry when I was on coke (ha) and now, not so much.

I even went to McDonalds today, and although Coke was on the menu I didn't get it. I have discovered, though, Sprite is not 7-up. But so far, so good.

How Honest are you?

How honest are you? If you're at a restaurant, say IHOP, and the bill has been miscalculated to your advantage, do you bring it to the waitress's attention? If you put a bag of dog food under the cart at WalMart but forgot to tell the cashier or forget to take it off the cart for her to scan, do you go back into the store to pay for it? The bank teller miscounts and gives you an extra $10 bill back, do you take it back to the bank?

I have a friend who insists she will go back to correct an error. She doesn't want two unpaid for iced teas on her bill that the waitress forgot to add to stand in the way of her trip to Heaven.

I admire that but I can honestly say, I try to be honest but I won't say I always am. It does depend on who it is that suffers. If it's a small mom and pop cafe, I'd bring the error to their attention. If it's WalMart, I probably won't. If I'm buying Girl Scout cookies and the 12 year old girl charges me for 2 boxes and I had bought 3, I'd tell her. It really depends. I guess this means I'm selectively dishonest. I have never, nor would I ever blantantly steal but if the cashier or waitress aren't doing their jobs; I'm not going to go out of my way to correct them. If this means I'm dishonest, well, if the label fits...

Happy Birthday to ME!!!!

Yes, it's my birthday and I don't mind telling you. I think birthdays are meant for celebration! Celebrating 46 years on this great green earth. I don't mind telling my age. Heck I don't mind telling you I weight 150 lbs. I don't get that, why some woman won't tell their age or their weight. What's up with that? We are what we are and as long as we are good and follow the rules of life and law, why not celebrate who we are? I've worked hard to reach 47 by golly! I need to celebrate it!

Word Wasters

I live with a man who wastes words. I mean it. He's a big word waster. I tell him there are people in third world nations who would just love to have those words. How does one waste words, you ask?

By telling me he has a dentist appointment at 2PM....PM, like I thought he might be going in the early morning.

He tells me when it's raining outside. Yes, he includes "outside" in the event I might think it's raining in our living room.

Sometimes I don't mind when he wastes words. Like when he tells me he loves me...very much. :)

What if my words fall on blind eyes?

I'm big on snail mail letter writing. I love to write letters. I'm just in need of an audience. I write to one family back home. Of course, I never hear back from them but each time I see them, they say how they love to read my letters. I just, kind of wish, I heard this feedback more often...like in between letters from me. I have recently started writing to a cousin back home. We have always been friendly but never really connected until this past summer. Her sister died unexpectly. I wrote to her to lend my support and let her know I was thinking about her. When I saw her over the summer she was unusually happy to see me, telling me she loved me and wanted us to be closer. So, I've written to her. Like all my letters, and I'm sure this is true of everyone, I write first asking her how she's doing. This takes up about 5% of the letter. The rest is about me..what I'm doing, what's been happening around me. I believe this is how most people write if they were to take the time to write letters. There's just a part of me that wonders if the receiptant really gives a darn? Are they enthralled to know that I just painted my living room? Do they really care that my husband is back in school? That's kind of the problem with snail mail...the response is so slow and at times, like in my case, not happening.

Oh, I understand some people just don't like to write. I get that. I just hope the receiptant isn't saying to themselves, "And I need to know this, why?" I don't think it's a waste of my time because I'm doing what I need to do...WRITE! Whether or not it's being read...that's secondary.

Kicking the Coke Habit

I'm going to do this. I have to. On Monday, I'm stopping at Sonic on my way to work to get my last diet Coke w/ Vanilla. I will have to have it drank by 10am. Before 10, I will be 46 years old; after 10, I will be 47 years old. I want to be able to say, I haven't had a coke since I was 46. I have to do this. Coke, Dr Pepper, Pepsi....any carmel colored carbinated drink has phospheric acid and this is bad. Bad bad bad. PA is not good. It depletes your body of calcium. I need all the calcium I can get.

This is going to be very hard. I love my Diet Coke. I will admit I'm addicted. Does anyone know a 12 step program to kick this coke habit?

Day Two

I'm a firm believer that everyone should write down what they believe in; what their views are so that in ten years they can look back at it. It's not necessary to write every day about the day to day happenings (although that's okay too) but just write your belief in topics like abortion, adultery, having children or not, politics, religion, etc. Just write it and seal it and not read it until ten years have past. You might surprise yourself.

There are days where...

I'd like to ask my boss if she's having misgivings with her decision five months ago to add the likes of me to her staff. This was one of those days where I searched for a smile or a chuckle from her to reassure me that she's not repulsed by her decision to add me to her payroll. Some days you just feel stupid. Today was that day

Let the fun begin...

It's National Blogging Month and I'm ready. You are going to find out so much about me this month. Maybe more than you'd want. Maybe I'll have to make stuff up, just to have something to say. We'll see. Maybe I'll just share some funny stories. Yeah...that's the ticket. More soon.

The Tree Monster

This is a tree near my house. Every time I go by it I say, "I have to take a picture of that tree. It looks like a monster." Do you see it? It's going to get that car. Click on image to get a closer look.

So Proud

Yeah! I know there are so many 5th graders out there who could put the little NaBloPoMo thingy on their blog but I was having a little trouble. But by golly, with a little help from Ari_65 and some other online sources, I did it! Sorry but I believe we need to celebrate whenever we can..so I am. (So there!)

National Blog Month

November is National Blog Month. I signed up for this ...contest of sorts..where you have to blog every day in November. There are prizes too. Nothing huge. Blogging each day gets you an entry into a drawing so it's not like you automatically win but it sounds so fun. Also, it motivates me to write and I know I need help with motivation there. So, get set for November...I'm writing each day. And hopefully you're reading. :)

Spin

My chiropractor has an erasable message board on the wall. They always have some sappy message on it like, "Tell a friend a chiropractor can help" Today's message was...

"Referrals are easy when you care."

I told them they should change it to make it more catchy. Something like...

"Referrals are hard when you don't give a shit."

For some reason, they didn't agree. Hmmm.

Typical Sunday in Buffalo...

Is this Serendipity?

My office mate at work, Stacey, has a 4 year old niece named Morgan. Stacey often, to my delight, tells me little Morgan stories. This tot sounds like a little sweetheart. This past Thursday, I asked Stacey where her brother and sister-in-law came up with the name "Morgan." She said she believed it had something to do with a horse. On Saturday, I wasn't planning on it but on my way home from shopping, I saw a sign for a garage sale. I decided to stop. I didn't see much there but I did look through a box of books. Mostly they were children's books but I found two that caught my eye. "Morgan Morning" and "Morgan and Me"...part of the "Serendipity Series"...stories about a horse named Morgan. I bought them both...very happy with my purchase.

Giraffes fighting, who knew?

glumbert - Giraffes fight with their heads

Can you be sad?

After looking at this guy, how can you?

Courtesy

It's common courtesy to return the favor; is it not? If I offer to do something, say pick up lunch since I'm out anyway, shouldn't the person who benefits from this, return the favor? Okay, I do it because I want to; really I don't mind. I guess some would say "if you do it because you expect something in return, than you shouldn't' do it." Is this right? Is expecting a person to reciprocate asking too much? Couldn't we butter each other's bread?

Same for blogs. If I comment on your blog, is it asking too much for you to read mine and hopefully comment? Gawd...this makes me more angry than not picking up lunch. Maybe because all it takes is a couple minutes of time.

I believe in the golden rule. I believe if you are going in one direction, someone else might benefit from it too. Why not share the wealth? Why not acknowledge someone's existence? Where's the harm?

Pain

It seems that I have been allotted this certain amout of pain each day and whoever is administrating this pain gets to decide what body-part to pick on each day. Yesterday it was my lower back; last week it was my left wrist and elbow. Before that it was the shoulder. The shoulder today is apparently the lucky recipient again. Over the weekend it was my left ankle. It's totally arbitrary.

I have said that pain should be allocated based on how good a person is. This makes so much sense to me. We wouldn't need jails because if you were bad, like say a rapist or murderer, you'd be rendered incapacitated and raising your head up would be all you could muster. You'd welcome the death penalty.

We wouldn't need courts because the punishment would fit the crime. Arthritis for tax evaders; allergies for traffic violations; bigger bone breaks for the bigger felonies – a broken back for aggravated assault; a broke arm for purse snatching; Terminal cancer for first-degree murder or rape.

Now, I know, some pain is good because then you’d know something was wrong and you’d get it treated. There would have to be some kind of system instilled so people would know the injury or illness was caused by bad behavior or not. This system would mean that good people would be perfectly healthy all their life. I suppose the question of how long a life a good person could have would have to be determined. Obviously we can’t live forever and the death of a good person would mean extra points to their good offspring or beneficiary if their choosing.

Some would say that God gives us free will and we are suppose to choose the correct way. Unfortunately, this system is flawed. It works to a certain extent but not completely. My system has so many merits to it. Everyone will try like the dickens to be good. If they knew they could get a high out of being good, I mean a real physical high, like when you take a pain pill - the better a person they will be– what could be better than that?

Such a Commotion

I guess numbers 73 and 74 have caused a stir. My friends think differently about letting their husbands do things with other woman. I just don't get that. If Phil asks me if I want to see the latest shootem-up-car-chasen-crashing-dark-fast-moving-thriller-movie out at the theatre I would say no. If his lady co-worker, or a woman he knows, wants to see it with him, what's the big deal? I know how he feels about me. He knows how I feel about him. There's no harm, no foul.

Okay, some may say that it's flirting with disaster...I'm allowing the stage to be set for something else to happen. I know my husband. After 22 years, I should. His heart isn't going to wander any more than his hands will. And, to respond to those who say, "oh, I trust my husband, I just don't trust another woman;" there is just no way, Phil would allow anything to happen if she had some crazy idea to start something. I just know this to be true. I just do.

This is not to say I wouldn't complain if he asked her before asking me, on the off chance that I had aquired a taste for shootem-up-car-chasen-crashing-dark-fast-moving-thriller-movies. I don't care for these movies; I know he likes them, why should he go alone? Same for baseball. This is sheer bordom for me. I have gone; I have brought books. If SuzieQ in Phil's department happens to be a big Redhawks fan...well, "have fun. Here's a five for a beer." Not a problem. I know he'll be home after the game. He knows I'll be waiting for him.

To me, it is a matter of trust. Plain and simple.

Some will say I should just go with him even though it's not my thing. I have done this but I know in the end I am doing him a disservice. I have another friend who does everything with her husband. He's a big car fan; loves cars; loves to go to car shows and look under the hood and check the interior and talk car. They don't have the money to ever buy one but he loves to look. She goes to car shows with him and by her own admission says after the first 45 minutes, it's repetitive and boring to her. After the first hour of feinting interest, she gets sarcastic and answers his glee of discovery with "yeah, whatever." She heads off to the ladies room to break up the monotony. Soon her disinterest becomes so apparent, he gets annoyed with her. She's not enjoying herself and he feels bad for putting her through it.

Why not let him go with someone who shares this interest equally? So what, if it happens to be a woman?

Phil hates to go to thrift shops with me. Oh, he's good the first 15 minutes but after he's cased the place, he's done. He follows me around or goes and sits in the car. We're really not doing this together afterall so why bother. (Although, I would rather go alone and not have a thrift sh0p partner at all..man or woman.)

In the spirit of doing things together, we will stick with the things we are both interested in: eating out; watching football on TV; watching a favorite TV show; an occasional movie that we both want to see.

This is what we have done for over 20 years. I think it works.

100 Things about me

I saw someone's blog where they wrote down 100 things about themselves. So here goes: (in no particular order)
1 - I am not too crazy about people who are grumpy.
2 - I especially don't care for people who are selectively grumpy.
3 - I believe every day is a gift. Even Mondays.
4 - I believe in Love.
5 - I believe that men hear on a different frequency than woman.
6 - I can do anything I put my mind to.
7 - Phil is my dreamboat
8 - I buy all my clothes at thrift shops (not underwear, shoes, socks, hoses)
9 - I'm thankful there are some size 12 women who donate their Liz Wear to thrift shops.
10-I love football
11- I love the Buffalo Bills
12- I never cared much for Jim Kelly (although, I understand he thought highly of me)
13- I love to write
14- I procrastinate too much on my writing
15 - I love to learn new software
16 - I couldn't live without my computer (okay I could but I won't like it.)
17- I don't think we should explore outer space or look for life elsewhere. (A fly comes to my table, I kill him)
18 - People who won't let you in should be avoided.
19-You are never too busy if you really want to do something.
20- I use the library for books (as opposed to buying them)
21 - Don't tell me you programmed my phone number in you phone if you're never going to call me back.
22- My favorite color is clear.
23 - I don't like poems if they're obscure.
24 - Say what you mean.
25- My favorite authors are Jonathan Tropper, William Kolwalski, and Richard Russo.
26 - I love sleeping with the window open even when it's 40 degrees outside.
27 - Fall is my favorite season
28 - I love cheesecake, coconut cream pie and pecan bread.
29- I'm addicted to diet Coke
30 - I wish the weather wasn't so bad in Western NY so I would be more apt to move back there.
31 - I dislike people who are rude or short. (not in height)
32 - I like TLC and shows about Flipping houses
33 - I wish I was more handy (see number 6)
34 - I'm glad I'm tall.
35 - I'm secure in the knowledge that my feet are big.
36 - I hate it when I repeat myself.
37 - I hate it when other people repeat themselves.
38 - I love dogs
39 - I'm not too crazy about cats40 - I like having breakfast at IHOP or Dennys
41 - I like having cereal for a snack.
42 - People at work should always say "good morning" and "so-long" at the beginning and end of each workday.
43- I believe in God.
44 - My first car was a '79 Duster I named "Jackson" because it was Brown and "running on empty."
45 - I took a small pocketbook from a jacket hanging in the cloak room in kindergarden and I hid it in the leaves by my house. I felt very guilty for a long time.
46 - My first boyfriend's name was Donny.
47 - My favorite football players were Doug Flutie and Frank Reich.
48 - I named my first dog "Elliot Garfield" after the main character in the Goodbye Girl played by Richard Dreyfess.
49 - I have Marfan's Syndrome
50 - I quit smoking 6 years ago for good.
51 - I like NA beer
52 - I hate to shower (but I do it anyway)
53 - I drive a standard
54 - I wish naps at work were mandatory
55 - I have a brother named Jim and a brother named Ed.
56 - I call Ed "Weird"
57 - He answers.
58 - I can't have kids.
59 - I'm finally okay with that.
60 - After being a victim of a tornado at ten, I was afraid of the wind until I was 16.
61 - I hate bugs.
62 - I'm not an outdoor person.
63 - I want to live in a condo.
64 - I grew up outside of Buffalo NY but have never been to NYC.
65 - I wish my neighbors would invite me over for an NA beer and a football game on a Sunday.
66 - I take an antidepressant
67 - I think it works
68- I can't tell the difference between regular TV and high definition.
69 - I sometimes wear men's slacks and shoes.
70 - My husband and I have the exact same hand span.
71 - I like a beef BOB from Taco Bueno. No sour cream.
72 - I see no logic in racing to a red light.
73 - My husband could go to a baseball game with another woman and I would be okay with that.
74 - My husband can do anything with another woman who's willing if I am not.
75 - I'm lactose intolerant
76 - I have 6 more hours to go to get my bachelors degree.
77 - I'm addicted to Minesweeper
78 - I'm photophobic
79- I love shade.
80- I used to do stand up comedy.
81 - I once sold a joke to Margaret Smith.
82 - I've published some articles in the Buffalo News and Oklahoma Women.
83 - I think Mike Rowe (Dirty Jobs) is the Mike Defeno (character on Desperate Housewives) of the Discovery Channel.
84 - I think Ty Pennington is Ernest with sex appeal.
85 - CEOs should not make more money than all their staff combined.
86 - Politicians shouldn't be in it for the money.
87 - Teachers shouldn't be in it for the money.
88- Firefighters are under paid.
89 - The only thing that will make the world's countries get along would be a visit from outer space with an ultimatum.
90- I miss my Momma.
91 - Being sad is a waste of time.
92 - A dead end is a place to turn around (thank you Y)
93 - You should learn something new every day.
94 - Not everything is black and white.
95 - I h8 it when people write "how r u?"
96 - And, it's not "your the best" or "their they go"...ah...makes me crazy.
97 - I love Country music
98 - I want Phil to do this.
99 - I'm fearful of a home invasion.
100 - I drive a Focus.